What did I do wrong?

[li****]

So as the title suggests, I feel like I did something wrong but I don't know what. I recently reconnected with an old friend from high school. After spending one evening with him, just hanging out and catching up, he kissed me and stated he had been waiting a long time to do that. 25+ years. We continued texting after I made it back home that night and for most of the next day. Last night it came to light that he is a Dom and that he assumed i was as well. I'm relatively inexperienced but I am aware that I am a sub leaning switch with some brat tendencies. In my every day life I am a very dominant and intimidating woman so his assumption makes sense. However once I informed him of the above he started to push the dynamic. i made it clear that I needed a solid foundation of trust before fully engaging. He agreed 100% but then he pushed again. I held my boundary. We have not agreed to a d/s relationship or a relationship of any kind for that matter. Prior to the dom revelation, he was nothing but sweet and respectful. He communicated well and wanted to ensure i was comfortable and didn't feel unsafe in any way. Well on his way to earning my trust. I'm not sure if he's ghosted me or if he's punishing me but I haven't heard from him since. What happened...😞

[Su****]

Broke his phone maybe?

[Bi****]

Give him time he waited 25+ years to be with you he'd be an idiot to ghost you but when he does reach out just make your interests and goals for the next steps clear

[pe****]

Might be someone else in the equation… He also might not want to put in the effort that you are wanting.

[pi****]

Probably started talking about sex and intimate topics too quickly. If bro stopped being sweet and considerate after the first time talking about intimacy, you'd probably do best to lower your expectations for him unless you want to engage with him regardless of his intentions

[de****]

If you read this yourself sounds like one girl wants to party does what she wants to do without rules or boundaries there's nothing to do about trust

[In****]

I don't know how to answer regarding him. Though I don't feel you have done anything wrong. You've been very clear what you want.
Regards to you - I'm very much like you. Very dominant in life but sub tendencies. I found out I was an alpha submissive. Look it up see if it rings true for you. Unfortunately still some people that don't believe it exists but it summed me up to a tee x

[wa****]

The vast majority of us men are scumbags. That's what kinda happened. It's not your fault

[by****]

It sounds to me like he ghosted you but you didn't do anything wrong. It was all him. He had wanted to get with you for over 25 years and doing that time his fantasy was that you would be a certain person. It was all good until you was not his fantasy any longer. This isn't fact but it's the way I see it.

[Deleted Member]

Sounds like he was hoping for something to happen quickly!!! He’s probably put out because you’ve stuck to your boundaries and requirement for a solid foundation of trust - which is absolutely essential.
He should be respecting those needs and boundaries and offering care and support… not ghosting!!!

[Oz****]

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Seems like he wanted you to instantly submit and be an "easy" sub, if that makes sense. And when you pushed back with your boundaries multiple times, it could have made him upset or not wanting to put in the effort to "earn" your submission.

Does seem weird tho for him to ghost like that if he really liked you for 25+ years.

[Gulfcoastdays]

Seems to me he didn’t get his way on a quick route to the bedroom, so he took his new basketball and went home harrumphing. He is fine harrumphing because he dint get first night booty, so now he is doing that Dom pouting thing that some do. I am Dom leaning so I can say that.lol so sometimes while the bedroom doms are in awkward positions because a growing group of doms only practice in the bedroom. Some are not necessarily living the lifestyle. They just want to put their knee on the side of your head and be an over aggressive lover. Sometimes when you get caught up in that and call yourself a domme , a sub like you wants the whole dynamic and he may just want “face down heiney up.” I may be wrong but it sounds similar to something that happens a lot where you have bedroom doms and lifestyle doms. Sometimes the bedroom domme don’t have the patience or really the care to establish the whole ball of wax. It may be worth exploring that clarification. Oh and as the sun he is half way expecting you to call. But not really…he is just hoping you will before he finishes pouting. Whoever calls in this particular situation will not be the dominant party unless you play it well. Wait for him to call. If he doesn’t….just know that even though the terms look good next to one another, a bedroom Dom and lifestyle doms have pretty significant differences on relationship establishment. May be something to steer around.

[li****]

43 minutes ago, pensacola547569 said:

Might be someone else in the equation… He also might not want to put in the effort that you are wanting.

There's no third party. I've met his friends. His dog loves me. Possibly more than him. I don't think I'm asking for much effort. Just a little time.

[li****]

47 minutes ago, SubliminalNicoletta2 said:

Broke his phone maybe?

Doubtful

[li****]

45 minutes ago, pilgrim2077 said:

Probably started talking about sex and intimate topics too quickly. If bro stopped being sweet and considerate after the first time talking about intimacy, you'd probably do best to lower your expectations for him unless you want to engage with him regardless of his intentions

It wasn't the first time talking about intimacy. It was the first time he made it known he is a Dom.

[fe****]

48 minutes ago, detroit73656 said:

If you read this yourself sounds like one girl wants to party does what she wants to do without rules or boundaries there's nothing to do about trust

What?

[to****]

On to the next

[li****]

52 minutes ago, InkedAngel1991 said:

I don't know how to answer regarding him. Though I don't feel you have done anything wrong. You've been very clear what you want.
Regards to you - I'm very much like you. Very dominant in life but sub tendencies. I found out I was an alpha submissive. Look it up see if it rings true for you. Unfortunately still some people that don't believe it exists but it summed me up to a tee x

Thank you ❤️

[Gr****]

From a guy's standpoint, he was wanting to close the deal. He saw you having boundaries as threatening and didn't like it. You did the right thing taking at a pace you are comfortable with.

[Deleted Member]

You didn't do anything wrong. Read what you wrote again. He tried to push your boundaries, you held onto them and he disappeared. Do you want to be with a man who waited 25 years but won't respect your boundaries?

[kinkymasterandrew]

The idea of the dynamic may have changed his expectations, and his behavior with it. If this is punishment, I would advise caution; I can't really think of any reasonable explanation for not talking, only various shades of distasteful.

[my****]

You can’t live up to the hype of a 25 year build up. What better foundation could you have then that thing he remembered in school. He might need a minute for reality to catch up to fantasy.

[Sa****]

Consent is king. As a Dominant I can say that he should not be pushing boundaries if you dont have a agreed upon D/s dynamic. Especially if you made it clear you aren't ready for that yet.

It sounds like he heard you were submissive leaning and thought he could use that as a way to get around taking things slowly, and got upset when it didn't work and you held to your boundaries. If he is ghosting you or punishing you for that then its a major red flag. From what you have written it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong

[kh****]

Sounds like he probably doesn't know what a dom is, e.g. earning trust, understanding that the sub is actually in control, and that consent is everything. If he can't respect boundaries....he's no dom. You did nothing wrong.

[S8****]

He may have expected something different, maybe he wanted you to be more Dom with him and since you didn't he might be rethinking things. Clear communication is key here. If not responding to calls try a detailed text. Hope it works for tou