Lurking..

[Deleted Member]

Over the past few days I’ve seen people making negative comments about people who lurk in chat, such as creepy and boring and questioning why people come into chat but don’t chat. 
 

I lurk a lot and I mean a LOT!!! I’d like to think I’m not creepy or boring (but that’s just my opinion) but there are reasons why I don’t join in the chat and thought I’d share why....

1. sometimes I just don’t have anything to add to the current conversation but am interested in what people are saying. 

2. sometimes there’s a really lively, interesting conversation going on and I don’t want to spoil it by saying hi and ruining the flow of conversation. 

3. sometimes I just don’t feel in a sociable mood but like to people watch in chat. 

4. I have health issues that mean that I might have chronic fatigue so joining in and keeping up with conversations is hard. Other times I get brain fog and literally can’t get my words out and just get frustrated. 

5. there are some people I find intimidating so I won’t join in  
 

6. sometimes I’m whispering to someone in the room, having a private conversation that I don’t want others to be a part of.

7. the last one....because I can and there’s no rules against it! 

In a nutshell it’s ok to lurk, for whatever reason. It doesn’t make you creepy or boring and you shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why you don’t say hi. 

[Wo****]

I lurk. I like watching the chat, it's a way to get to know people, see what they're into, what interests them.
I'm better chatting with one or two people at a time so sometimes I prefer to just watch the chat flow.

[Deleted Member]

I lurk too. Trying to catch those I've spoken to before or see what the chat is.

[E-dUbBs]

Lurking is absolutely fine
I have in the past made jokes about people I know lurking such as here’s the number 1 lurker but only with individuals who expect that from me
Lurking is a key part of chat for the reasons you’ve stated and I respect and stand up for your right to do it

[SammyB]

There are many many reason lovely why people lurk me included

You have listed many

By passing comment about those lurking isn’t really going to encourage people to chat

Equally calling someone out when the are “lurking “ isn’t fair neither

Some would say it passive aggressive and a form or bullying

If people were more welcoming it might encourage those to speak who find it difficult

It is hard to jump into a big group
You don’t want to appear to being rude jumping into a conversation

People need to me more kind in chat

People need to be more mindful in chat

People need to be more considerate in chat

People need to be less ***ful and
create space and opportunities for people especially new people to join in

I also believe moderators should shut down some conversations that go on

I think it very brave of you to have written the post but it speakers volumes that you feel you have too ....SHAME on those on the lobby who are behaving like this

[li****]

I agree with what has been said that lurking is perfectly fine!! There should be no shame if someone wants to lurk then why should they be called out for it ( that's another thing I hate in the lobby is when other members will call you out in there). It's my choice not to speak or chat then people should respect that. I love people watching and I love to just watch the chat flow too, you can actually learn a lot about people from lurking. It's been a while since I've ventured in to the lobby, and the reasons are my own personal reasons why that is, but yes everyone lurks for a different reason so I don't see a problem with it and if people do have a problem with members lurking then thats their problem not yours!!!!

Edited December 30, 2020 by lil-monster
Added more

[Deleted Member]

I lurk sometimes. Mostly to see what the chats contain and if it's worth engaging with.

Not everyone who enters a chat room is obligated to speak if they don't find anyone within the chat interesting. I often find most chats going on are full of boring small talk and rarely ever do people want 1 on 1 conversation. I didn't come on here to chat with lots of people. I came here to find a partner. So I reserve my right to be selective when it comes to engaging in chat rooms.

It often results in unwanted attention anyway, especially if you are a woman.

[qu****]

Sometimes it's not even lurking, you've just forgot to log out while continuing with your life, there's nothing wrong with it, though I have found those that are friends take the mickey and that, but newbies don't necessarily realise that it's not usually the norm, and join in and get slated for it, without realising, hope this made sense

[Deleted Member]

I lurk occasionally. I move around a lot and often my signal isn’t good enough to join in. I also find that chat moves to fast for me to keep up with on my phone.
Perhaps we could organise a mass lurk to keep each other company 😂

[Deleted Member]

I struggle with the chat rooms and I generally feel more comfortable just reading the text.I would enjoy it more if it slowed down to a pace that I can give thought to what I’m saying instead of sending the first thing that comes to mind.I’m a perverse kinky bi sexual and to the world outside of kink I’m creepy but I feel that word shouldn’t be used negatively on here as surely we are all a bit creepy and for that reason never boring.Keep lurking and smile 😊

[Deleted Member]

I got no problem with lurking, I will have chat running in the background whilst doing other things so it can look like I'm lurking and I'm not even there. Some times I just like to watch chat and not add anything. Other times I'm all over the chat room....so I think it's a non problem really, chat if you want to chat, lurk if you don't fancy it

[ey****]

I run an online munch elsewhere - and I encourage people who are nervous or who don't know what to say to lurk

to basically get a look and feel and to interject when they feel comfortable

it can be difficult online - and - yeah, maybe some people can be creepy with it - but that's not the default.

[Deleted Member]

Love that you've posted this. I think you've just made a whole load of lurky friends. Myself included! Whatever their reasons are... It's perfectly acceptable. I suspect all the non lurkers will be trying it now after reading this post. 🙄

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Sometimes I'm busy doing other stuff so can't get involved in the chat like I normally do. Other times the conversation is so free flowing I don't wish to be rude and interrupt it. As if you were to chat face to face in a group there's time to chat and times to listen.

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely and you only need reason 7 in my opinion! Some of us 😳 can be outspoken 🥴 and yet still lurk. I joined earlier this year and lurked for weeks before saying hi on chat. I still lurk. Lurking is cool. 😄

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SammyB said:

There are many many reason lovely why people lurk me included

You have listed many

By passing comment about those lurking isn’t really going to encourage people to chat

Equally calling someone out when the are “lurking “ isn’t fair neither

Some would say it passive aggressive and a form or bullying

If people were more welcoming it might encourage those to speak who find it difficult

It is hard to jump into a big group
You don’t want to appear to being rude jumping into a conversation

People need to me more kind in chat

People need to be more mindful in chat

People need to be more considerate in chat

People need to be less ***ful and
create space and opportunities for people especially new people to join in

I also believe moderators should shut down some conversations that go on

I think it very brave of you to have written the post but it speakers volumes that you feel you have too ....SHAME on those on the lobby who are behaving like this

I really appreciate your comments and understanding. I feel the same, the more people mention lurkers the less likely the lurkers will speak up, especially newbies. It always makes me feel uncomfortable or that I’m doing something wrong when people say things, especially when implying lurkers are creepy or boring. 

We all need to be kinder, be more open to new people and how they may feel when entering an arena where it seems everyone knows each other. Even as one of those who knows a lot of people in chat I still feel awkward at times jumping in. Not everyone’s confident enough to just say hi! Here I am! 

[Deleted Member]

53 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

Sometimes it's not even lurking, you've just forgot to log out while continuing with your life, there's nothing wrong with it, though I have found those that are friends take the mickey and that, but newbies don't necessarily realise that it's not usually the norm, and join in and get slated for it, without realising, hope this made sense

I do this a lot, I use my phone when in chat and get sidetracked easily so the next time I look at my phone I’m still online etc. 

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

I lurk occasionally. I move around a lot and often my signal isn’t good enough to join in. I also find that chat moves to fast for me to keep up with on my phone.
Perhaps we could organise a mass lurk to keep each other company 😂

Sounds like a plan!! 😂😂

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, KinkySirXxX said:

Love that you've posted this. I think you've just made a whole load of lurky friends. Myself included! Whatever their reasons are... It's perfectly acceptable. I suspect all the non lurkers will be trying it now after reading this post. 🙄

Thank you 😊 and yes it seems there’s a lot more lurkers out there than I thought. 

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Absolutely and you only need reason 7 in my opinion! Some of us 😳 can be outspoken 🥴 and yet still lurk. I joined earlier this year and lurked for weeks before saying hi on chat. I still lurk. Lurking is cool. 😄

I think we’ve formed a cool lurking gang 😊

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, sweet***sub said:

I think we’ve formed a cool lurking gang 😊

🥳🤩

[Wa****]

I agree and like that you have called this out. When you are newer to the scene it can be a bit intimidating to just get involved, but we all have to start and learn somewhere to help build our knowledge and confidence!

[Deleted Member]

One point I was called the lurking queen lol but I had a good reason for lurking
I have social problems I lack in the confidence of just joining in straight away and saying hi this is because an ex would always answer for me when out with friends and when I did say something he would always put what I had to say down or take the piss so I lost my confidence in socialising ,but on a positive note the chat room is helping me with overcoming this and I’m pushing myself to get involved more although I haven’t been around for a while in the chat rooms so again I’m lurking more as new faces in there

[Shenna]

I think its nice to lurk, sometimes I just watch a convo or join in then just fall back and watch again. Sometimes you feel that you get to know people better by lurking. 

It may not be everyone's taste to lurk.  But I agree I hate to be called out while in lurk mode. I can do things while in lurk and still follow up the chat.

But its like reading a book sometimes following fun laughter , interesting topics. But I have to switch off sometimes as well. 

[Deleted Member]

So if you see me lurking please feel free to say hi as it will push me into gaining my confidence back again 😘😘❤️