My Dom left... and I feel so empty.

[Roxy-Sub]

My Dom was the only person to have ever Dominated me. It was electric and  he completely filled my mind  this unshakeable, irresistible, passionate lust and desire that rocked my world. We've never met irl, but the connection we shared was so intense. I could FEEL him through my computer or phone. When he'd go into full Dom mode, It made me melt into a little puddle of goo... It as intoxicating and just raw. Irl, I have a dominate personality... I always end up in control of every situation I'm in. I may be great at dominating but I CRAVE to be submissive. It makes every hair on my body stand on end. I'm afraid that I'll never find that connection and that passion with anyone ever again. He felt it too... that's why he had to leave. It was impacting every aspect of his own personal life. Neither of us knew how to stay away from each other for very long at all. We were so consumed by this passion that we were slowly letting our personal lives slip out of our hands. It was too much of a good thing. Anyway, It just feels good to talk and write about it. I've converted some of our txt into a story just to be able to share it and re-read every beautiful waking moment we shared. None of this is healthy tho. lol I need a healthier way to manage these emotions. Help? 

[se****]

same here lmk strategies and suggestions

[Deleted Member]

Yes it will be very hard and difficult even depressing for a while. Do not think about it all the time, yes it was intense and that’s why it’s even harder. You found one Dom and you will find a new one, it’s never good to think about it too seriously. Bdsm is about fun and pleasure, do not filled your mind with negative thoughts. I know for the moment you think he’s the only one, but believe me there will be soon or later someone new who will make you feel better again.... 

[HellDweller]

could you please explain further on the why he had to leave? 

i believe that true doms should be able to manage that too..

just my opinion of course..

[Roxy-Sub]

We both have separate lives... I have my husband and kids. He has his wife and kids. His wife was his FIRST Sub... the original. My husband knows about what I do, we are in complete communication. His wife did not. I let him know how that made me feel, like a Dom should be in control of all aspects of their lives... I asked him how I was supposed to trust him when his original sub knew nothing of his transgressions? He took a few days to replay and said I was correct.. He needed to take some time to figure out wtf he was doing and why he was sneaking around. I'm glad I was able to bring it to his attention and hopefully it helped his . I still just feel empty tho. 

[Roxy-Sub]

4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

Yes it will be very hard and difficult even depressing for a while. Do not think about it all the time, yes it was intense and that’s why it’s even harder. You found one Dom and you will find a new one, it’s never good to think about it too seriously. Bdsm is about fun and pleasure, do not filled your mind with negative thoughts. I know for the moment you think he’s the only one, but believe me there will be soon or later someone new who will make you feel better again.... 

I don't want to be a submissive to someone if the feelings aren't intense like this was. Casual sex without full on communication doesn't appeal to me. It leaves the dynamic open to lies.  Yes its fun, but I want the connection and security that comes with a well formed bond. 

[Deleted Member]

Well one healthy thing you are doing is expressing it. Talking about our *** is a great way to relieve it and let it go.
Unfortunately we in the kink world can't always chat to our friends about this stuff due to the necessary secrecy due to the taboo nature of what we love.
So by all means talk about it here and who knows you may even find people who have experienced the same or similar things and gain new friends to talk to about these kind of things.
It's going to hurt for a while but it will get better as long as you're willing to move forward with life. Never be afraid of expressing thee feelings as it is very important. Plus this is a website so even if some people don't want to hear it they can just keep scrolling so there's no reason you can't vent on here :)

[Roxy-Sub]

Thank you more than you know for that. It is helpful that someone might want to listen. I have tried expressing it to some close to me and yeah they would rather not hear it. Lol they aren't quite as open minded as me. Opinionated, but not open minded. So, thank you 😌

[JessieMay]

Your ability to call out your doms behaviour shows a worthy integrity and it sounds like you now know much better what you are looking for. With your next encounter you will be better able to negotiate what you want before you get too attached. Its no surprise you feel empty after tgat intensity well done for expressing it.

[Roxy-Sub]

9 minutes ago, JessieMay said:

Your ability to call out your doms behaviour shows a worthy integrity and it sounds like you now know much better what you are looking for. With your next encounter you will be better able to negotiate what you want before you get too attached. Its no surprise you feel empty after tgat intensity well done for expressing it.

Yes, I def. do and will be negotiating everything early on... It was a lesson learned and something to remember going forward. I not trying to get into anything new quite yet, but talking about it to other Dom's and subs helps so much. Soo so much. Thank you all.

[so****]

That is unfortunate, indeed. As someone who prefers 24/7 tpe dynamics, whenever a sub & myself begin to grow apart & the inevitable becomes apparent, I like to do it slowly. A gradual taper is much healthier than cold turkey lol for both parties. I once had a mistress cut me off cold like that & that shit hurt. Bad. So I've experienced it from both sides. But since subs do become so deeply attached to their doms, a slow separation is the healthiest option. Good luck & I hope you feel better soon 🌻

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Roxy-Sub said:

Casual sex without full on communication

Never mentioned that..... 

[Roxy-Sub]

55 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

Never mentioned that..... 

No no I know... I didn't mean to sound rude at all.  I apologize.  I was just trying to get my idea across!

I appreciate and value everything you said. Thank you so much!

Edited March 15, 2021 by Roxy-Sub

[Mi****]

13 hours ago, Roxy-Sub said:

We both have separate lives... I have my husband and kids. He has his wife and kids. His wife was his FIRST Sub... the original. My husband knows about what I do, we are in complete communication. His wife did not. I let him know how that made me feel, like a Dom should be in control of all aspects of their lives... I asked him how I was supposed to trust him when his original sub knew nothing of his transgressions? He took a few days to replay and said I was correct.. He needed to take some time to figure out wtf he was doing and why he was sneaking around. I'm glad I was able to bring it to his attention and hopefully it helped his . I still just feel empty tho. 

This was a very good call out on your part! These relationships are build on trust and he wasn't honoring that by sneaking around. I know you feel hurt and like something is missing. I hope you are able to find some validation and healing here. Good luck going forward!! 

[Roxy-Sub]

24 minutes ago, MistressAnne said:

This was a very good call out on your part! These relationships are build on trust and he wasn't honoring that by sneaking around. I know you feel hurt and like something is missing. I hope you are able to find some validation and healing here. Good luck going forward!! 

Thank you! truly! 🤗

[HellDweller]

today you are not the girl you were and tomorrow you will not be the girl you are.

You will always evolve and you will find another deeper connection.

Not everyone who comes through your life is meant to stay.

Open your heart, i am sure the right dom will arrive, chances are you could experience even deeper emotions..

[Roxy-Sub]

8 hours ago, HellDweller said:

today you are not the girl you were and tomorrow you will not be the girl you are.

You will always evolve and you will find another deeper connection.

Not everyone who comes through your life is meant to stay.

Open your heart, i am sure the right dom will arrive, chances are you could experience even deeper emotions..

Thank you, that gives me alot of hope. 😊