Boundaries

[Ri****]

2 hours ago, Silverlinings76 said:

Clearly you’re not a dom ..it’s your job to provide wisdom and guidance..you acted like a brat

How did I act like a brat, I deleted the account to re en*** trust and safety

[Ri****]

2 hours ago, arlington297765 said:

She’s a sub she has no say

That’s a toxic mindset, she chooses to give me power, she’s always in control.

[js****]

It kinda sounds more like your girlfriend/wife caught you talking and getting explicit pictures from someone you met on here. A true sub wouldn’t care about pics, a girlfriend/wife would.

[Firepit]

A lotta not great responses in the comments to this post...

[Ro****]

Rigger-Dom
Of course you should take the feelings, emotions and ***s of your sub serious. Having a discussion with her why she felt bad about you receiving an unsolicited pic is important and empathetic. It might open doors to understand the origin of her insecurity in the relationship.
But women, particular submissive women, like to test us, test our strength, resolve and principles. They often test and like to see that we know what we do, that we have firm principles and that we follow what we believe.
How can she feel safe to follow your lead, trust your guidance, feel protected and respect your judgements if you can’t stand firm on your principles.

Explaining the person that sent you unsolicited pics that you don’t want such in the future shows you respect your agreement and is sufficient. Blocking her because you think she might do it again as well.
But deleting your account for something that was not in your power is unreasonable. Tests from women of what I describe above often take the form of unreasonable requests. Standing firm in such a situation means you pass her test and she will feel safe, secure and protected by denying the unreasonable request and take reasonable action if warranted.

[Su****]

2 hours ago, shelbyville69 said:

I believe he has a physical dynamic with a sub, but was permitted to talk to other subs online. One of the others sent him a nude, the physical sub got jealous and made him delete the account. Now he misses the digital sub and wonders if he made a mistake.

Ah ok I see

[al****]

I will offer my opinion. You are on a Fet site. If you aren’t supposed to talk to other people than why are you here? Is your sub allowed to talk to other dominant men? If yes, then that seems like an unfair situation. I agree with what a lot are saying. Just not the harshness with which it is being conveyed. The sub has the power to a point. We have the power to come and go. We have the power to set our limits. But once established we give the power over to you. What kind of D/s dynamic would it be if every time you demanded something you were told no and you backed down? That isn’t feeling very dominant to me. It feels like she is dominating you.
I have jealousy issues too. It’s a hard thing for me when another sub talks to my Master. But we are on a fetish site. It’s going to happen. I talked to him about my feelings and he reassured me he wants no one other than me. He also made a promise that for my peace of mind he won’t talk to anyone in our state or surrounding states. He looks at what pictures he likes otherwise. That’s the whole point of these sites. Kinky pics and videos. (We are on Other platforms)
Look within yourself. Talk to your sub. If you continue your D/s journey and want to identify as Dom. Then YOU need to be boss in the relationship. YOU need to make the rules and stick to them. Letting your sub run the dynamic is her topping you from the bottom.
Good luck!

[ol****]

5 hours ago, Rigger-Dom said:

I stand firm in my masculinity! I know who I am and what I’m capable of. I don’t seek validation. At times my ego tests me but I am the master of my destiny. I know what I want from life. The road hard and challenging but if I stay on course I will succeed.

If this is the case, why didn’t you just ignore his message instead of biting - honestly sounds like you’re playing a role in the manner you communicate

[ki****]

Maybe you punish your sub for education

[Ri****]

39 minutes ago, oliver6996 said:

If this is the case, why didn’t you just ignore his message instead of biting - honestly sounds like you’re playing a role in the manner you communicate

That’s an interesting perspective. It was a female sub that sent the unsolicited images. She asked if I would consider allowing her to practice shibari with her and she was happy for me to communicate with her from a submissive standpoint.

I’m fully transparent when it comes to communication and I read the message in the presence of my partner(sub).

The sub in question was aware of my boundaries, which were clearly stated on my profile.


She even mentioned the fact in the message.


This took my partner(sub) by surprise. So to reassure her. I deleted the profile.

Making my partner feel safe is and will always be my first priority. For me it’s the best way to strengthen TRUST!

[Ri****]

1 hour ago, SubBella666 said:

Ah ok I see

I don’t miss the digital sub! But I think I acted in haste. Instead of deleting the account I think I should have discussed the matter deeper. I wasn’t made to do anything. I deleted it to re en*** trust

[Ri****]

4 hours ago, shelbyville69 said:

I believe he has a physical dynamic with a sub, but was permitted to talk to other subs online. One of the others sent him a nude, the physical sub got jealous and made him delete the account. Now he misses the digital sub and wonders if he made a mistake.

I don’t miss the digital sub! But I think I acted in haste. Instead of deleting the account I think I should have discussed the matter deeper. I wasn’t made to do anything. I deleted it to re en *** trust

[Ri****]

2 hours ago, Roland158 said:

Rigger-Dom
Of course you should take the feelings, emotions and ***s of your sub serious. Having a discussion with her why she felt bad about you receiving an unsolicited pic is important and empathetic. It might open doors to understand the origin of her insecurity in the relationship.
But women, particular submissive women, like to test us, test our strength, resolve and principles. They often test and like to see that we know what we do, that we have firm principles and that we follow what we believe.
How can she feel safe to follow your lead, trust your guidance, feel protected and respect your judgements if you can’t stand firm on your principles.

Explaining the person that sent you unsolicited pics that you don’t want such in the future shows you respect your agreement and is sufficient. Blocking her because you think she might do it again as well.
But deleting your account for something that was not in your power is unreasonable. Tests from women of what I describe above often take the form of unreasonable requests. Standing firm in such a situation means you pass her test and she will feel safe, secure and protected by denying the unreasonable request and take reasonable action if warranted.

Thank you.

I believe I acted in haste. Your right I should have discussed the matter further.

[Ri****]

2 hours ago, jsenthesuperhero said:

It kinda sounds more like your girlfriend/wife caught you talking and getting explicit pictures from someone you met on here. A true sub wouldn’t care about pics, a girlfriend/wife would.

We met on fet and decided to have a d/s dynamic. She’s my partner and my sub. I’m an experienced Dom but this is her first dynamic.

[Ri****]

4 hours ago, kobfine said:

Pushing boundaries and testing the waters vs breaking boundaries and potentially losing a partner. But then again everyone has an opinion! Exclamation

Interesting thoughts.

[BlueGrace]

I disagree with the statement that subs hold all the power. They don’t. It’s an equal amount of power within the dynamic. If someone holds all the power then that opens a door to the other person or people not being able to have a voice or make decisions.

You can only cross boundaries that are stated and it’s important to discuss boundaries in detail. I think deleting an account was an overreaction on your part when it could have been discussed. How does deleting an account maintain trust? Was the image sent to your sub or a different person?

[Ri****]

4 hours ago, NickT976 said:

...seems like you need to train your Sub better.

Not every submissive is subservient or a slave.

[Ri****]

5 hours ago, SubBella666 said:

I don't understand your op then. What are you asking?

Did I act in haste, which I accept I did.

Could I have handled the situation better.


Definitely.

[Ri****]

6 hours ago, Silverlinings76 said:

Clearly you’re not a dom ..it’s your job to provide wisdom and guidance..you acted like a brat

I’m a Dom by nature. But not every submissive is the same. Sometimes a different approach can have better results.

[No****]

as a dom, i think you should have done both. Firstly, you should have understood and negotiated better about what can be published or not. Secondly, on, you made a mistake and mediately deleted the account and hopefully the picture. Learn from the experience just as your sub learns from theirs when you are training them

[Ri****]

7 hours ago, north-palm-beach577 said:

You’re either a sub or a pet. Maybe just a cuck

If I ain’t worked it out by the age of 51, you might be right. 👊🏾

[Ri****]

7 hours ago, RuTe81 said:

Being dominant doesn't mean to ignore the subs boundaries and feelings - quite the opposite actually.

And I can understand your view as I would agree on it that a dom is basically enabled by her/his sub - and without her/his consent a dom is just a n empty word/vessel without meaning.

So, if this is necessary to keep the trust, it was a valid choice.

The thing is though, discussions, explanations, justification and excuses are not always the best way to stay on top.

Thanks, I appreciate your response, at the time i felt it was necessary to keep the trust.

But after I reflected, i felt I could have handled it better.

[js****]

Looks like he deleted his account again lol

[ol****]

4 hours ago, Rigger-Dom said:

That’s an interesting perspective. It was a female sub that sent the unsolicited images. She asked if I would consider allowing her to practice shibari with her and she was happy for me to communicate with her from a submissive standpoint.

I’m fully transparent when it comes to communication and I read the message in the presence of my partner(sub).

The sub in question was aware of my boundaries, which were clearly stated on my profile.


She even mentioned the fact in the message.


This took my partner(sub) by surprise. So to reassure her. I deleted the profile.

Making my partner feel safe is and will always be my first priority. For me it’s the best way to strengthen TRUST!

But, did you also say the boundary was that you shouldn’t be communicating with other subs?

You literally wrote something in this regards, so does the story change yet again, or did you just type incorrectly?

[ol****]

4 hours ago, Rigger-Dom said:

I don’t miss the digital sub! But I think I acted in haste. Instead of deleting the account I think I should have discussed the matter deeper. I wasn’t made to do anything. I deleted it to re en *** trust

Honestly, you have have done the opposite potentially.

Think about it, instead of discussing further, you deleted the source, but now she may be wondering “why did he delete the whole account, it was one convo, could have blocked, why delete”

The idea that you might be hiding more, stuff she hasn’t yet to seen (not accusing) has probably added seeds of doubt

So like, why if you deleted the profile are you back in fet? Blocking would have solved the issue - and if you met on fet- the person that sent you the DM, isn’t a fool; they know the situation and time frame - so kind of defeats whatever purpose you were trying to accomplish