Need advice

[jh****]

So I went to a mini munch for the first time a couple of weeks ago and met this girl there and it was her first time as well. We got on really well and kink was only ever mentioned once in our conversations. I messaged her on fet life saying I liked talking to her and asked if she wanted to meet for a drink at some point. She responded in a positive response saying she enjoyed talking to me as well. She said she wants to go to a few more munches before she explores the scene any further but said that when she's next able to go to another munch she would like to see me there and that we can organise it so we arrive at the same one.

In short I responded saying I understand that she wants to see if the scene is for her and I would look forward to seeing her at another munch. We are meeting next week on Tuesday.

My question, is she friend zoning me or just taking it slow?

Given it was my first munch as well I understand she might want to establish herself in the munch group first before considering pursuing any sort of relationship. However I know sometimes people can hint at saying no without saying it directly. This is not me being insecure more just looking for insight so when I see her next week I don't get the wrong impression.

P.S. Sorry was a long thread.

[El****]

With the limited perspective and context from your post, my gut tells me she is taking it slow with her approach to the scene altogether (so don’t take personally) but I’m happy to read any alternative opinions.

[Linkimpala67]

She is taking it slow.

[cf****]

I think she just isn’t sure if it’s for her and taking it slow to see if it’s her lifestyle

[jo****]

I can hear the gears grinding in your head from here. You are over thinking it. I do the same thing.

Try to avoid overwhelming her, but don’t go silent. Good things come to those who wait (and aren’t annoying or paranoid) 😁

[do****]

Take it slow. This lifestyle is all about trust, respect, and communication. You can't expect that to happen in one conversation

[pr****]

My question is... Why the f@ck are you calling it munch ?

[Va****]

Wait... what is a mini munch? Or a munch?

[Kr****]

I agree with everyone here, you need to build a good relationship around trust and you earn it over time, she is going through the same emotions you are. Just keep level heading and it should be fine.

[Du****]

1 minute ago, Vagabond23 said:

Wait... what is a mini munch? Or a munch?

I also don't know what a mini munch is

[jh****]

Thanks for the replies guys, I don't feel I'm overthinking it I just want to make the correct approach

[No****]

A munch is a bdsm term for a meeting of like minded individuals that get together at a non kink venue to just meet and talk, the one I go to is held in the party room at buffalo wild wings. It’s low key. Street clothes. You all pay for your own meals and you just sit around talking. It’s actually short for Meeting Over Lunch. But it can take place at anytime.

[Qu****]

Take your time. She will come to you when she’s ready.

[jh****]

Hey guys thank you all for the advice, I don't want to give the impression I'm rushing into anything as that's the last thing I want to do even if say for example she wanted to rush into anything. I'm just trying to see from an outside perspective where she is in terms of approach and how I should approach the situation. It's difficult sometimes to read between the lines and I want to make sure she and I are comfortable. Trust is a very big thing for me so a slow approach which you guys have been suggesting is definitely the best idea and is one even before I posted was going to do. In the end wether something forms and or one of us is doming we are giving trust to that person giving them control of body and mind and is definitely something that has to be discussed and taken very slowly.

[Fo****]

She’s not attracted to you. She’s probably to agreeable to say that straight out. But when you’re attracted to someone you let it be know like you did. She wants a friend or male chaperone to waste her time with and “explore the scene” (keep the creeps away) (“creeps” are guys she really isn’t attracted to).
GTFOOH! 🤌🏼
If you value your time and yourself, find someone that doesn’t want to let you go.
Much love👊🏼

[hot-springs206194]

You met at a munch and you didn’t discuss kinks? Maybe neither one of you belong there.

[lo****]

Uhh it’s too soon to tell about the friend zone..I like taking things a little slow and get to know someone first. If she’s positive in like a fun flirty way then you def have a chance..if it’s just friendly then it can go either way. Just don’t be too pushy, fastest way to give us the ick

[ja****]

Safety is a bigger issue for women than men. I find they tread more cautiously when they meet new people and establish a comfort level. (See: any episode Dateline NBC)

[da****]

I don't think she wouldve wanted to meet or mention she was going again or where if she didn't want to see u again I'd say she's prob just testing the waters n seeing where things go

[Al****]

My experience says after 4 dates you go to the friend zones. So see what happens. And remember, you're not every other guy so she may break the rule for you. Good Luck

[km****]

Good for both of you in stepping into the community by going to a munch. They are great first steps AND help breaking the ice in learning, talking to others. Take what she says as the truth. Respect what she’s telling you and continue attending as well. You’re doing it right by listening to her. Vanilla munches are safe spaces. Yes the talk can get down right spicy and dirty but it doesn’t always, doesn’t have to, and there is no pressure to say anything you don’t want to. Or at least they should be this way.
You just met her. If there is to be any kink, like the serious dynamic stuff, slow starting is the right thing to do. There’s a lot to talk about.
Good luck!

[Ha****]

Id say give it one more try idk what a munch is but eh whatever you like you like but don’t hold out for someone keep looking in the meantime if you have nothing solid with her bruv gl

[ey****]

12 hours ago, jh9950 said:

My question, is she friend zoning me or just taking it slow?

firstly, the friend zone does not exist

Her approach in general is responsible, it's not so much taking it slow - but, she is new to the scene and probably finding her feet.   You are potentially taking it a little fast by pushing someone for a relationship that you met at a munch, their first, and obviously your first - but this is something a lot of women in particular can find daunting.    Consider also, while I aint saying this is you, there are people at munches who try to do the whole hit-on-newbies thing to, well, exploit their newness.

That you have spoken and she likely did enjoy talking to you means nothing one way or another just yet, and if nothing else you both have a friendly face for your next munch and that can be big.  It's how you build and make connections.

But equally, like, if she didn't want a relationship with you - why would this be bad? The purpose of munches etc is to make friends, enrich knowledge, a gateway to the scene yadayada - not a pick up joint.  Perhaps you may need to temper expectations

Of course, you may well end up in a relationship with her - that may well happen, but if you're kinda getting unsure if this a relationship or not cos you chatted once - then, yeah, you need a better outlook. 

[So****]

The amount of confused people on here is astounding. People that really have no business getting involved with any other person, until they sort themselves out and figure out their own issues.

BDSM and sex is not going to fix you.

[si****]

You're being paranoid. Just chill. Even if you end up being friends it's still a win. Relationships, trust and understanding take time to develop. Play it by ear and figure it out as you go along. As an aside, it sounds like it has gone well, all the signals are positive. At the moment you're overthinking it.