Need advice

[Ro****]

It's just one meet, she's possibly looking for consistency and intentions. In insisting for other munches/meet she's able to observe and determine if someone is genuinely interested in her as a person or if it was a one night interest. Often we meet someone and the interest is high on the first meet but it dissipates as soon as we hold up the wait card. This shows us they were looking for the low effort fling. I commend her as newbies often jump in feet first. If you do like her, keep your interest consistent but not overwhelming.

[Jo****]

Hi, healed yet traumatized woman, here… she’s laying out boundaries and she’s doing it the right way. Personally, I Friendzone everyone I meet I don’t care what you look like who you are where you come from what you did who you’ve been with you are in the friend zone until further notice. That’s how I operate. I wanna get to know the community YOU are a part of. I want to get to know the people that you choose to be around. I want to know what your mentality is like. I want to know more about you before I decide what to do with you where to put you in where you fit in in my existence. ESPECIALLY when we talking about ANYTHING remotely close to my body autonomy. If anybody is taking my energy, it’s because I gave it to them freely not because they chased me not because they pressured me pursued me whatever you wanna call it just because you think I’m nice and Friendly doesn’t mean that I’m open to anyone being a companion for me that is going to be compatible. Butterflies and all of that are cute or whatever but a lot of it is mis-read intention, confusion, based on loneliness, rather than genuine, authentic clicks in connection that turns into long term relationship investments. I literally do not meet anybody with them. Mine said that it will go further than this one interaction. Especially when it comes to men. When it comes to men, my guard is way higher. Why because men that’s why. We are still too soon living in a society where dismantling the patriarchy is becoming more than just an idea. We need to build that trust back as people as a system, until that happens, people need to be skeptical have their guard up and not get in their feelings when they’re rejected because we have forgotten how to function as human beings. The loneliness epidemic, Is very real. So kindness is always free, but never expected.

[sn****]

She’s not friend-zoning you. She’s pacing herself. Especially for someone brand new to the kink scene, wanting to attend more munches before diving into anything is honestly a green flag. She still agreed to see you again and specifically said she wanted to coordinate another munch with you. That’s interest. Don’t overcomplicate it. Just keep being normal, respectful, and enjoyable to be around. The fastest way to kill this now would be trying to *** certainty before she’s ready for it

[Deleted Member]

Like everyone is saying kink can be some of the most dangerous activities and require a level of trust that goes far beyond a normal relationship level. Its the tortise and the hare. Be the tortise because I garuntee as a someone whom I am just guessing is fem presenting gets bombarded with hares to the point its overwhelming. Munches are not meetmarkets if something develops over time it will be a strong kinky journey for both of you. If not being friends with different community members who will say good things about you is also something you want to have.

[jh****]

Hey guys again thank you all for the replies. I want to clear the air again, I understand I sound paranoid and I'm not expecting a relationship straight off the bat after just one meet. I assure you it's not paranoia, I'm just curious as to how someone else sees the response whether there was any kind of interest or setting a boundary.

Some people assumed I was only interested in meeting for sex but that is not the case at all. I'm old fashioned in the sense that if I invite someone to meet for a drink that's all I want it to be. I agree with some of you guys that said she was in the right in the response she gave, after sleeping on it I realise that it is a nerve racking thing getting into the scene and I kind of forgot for a moment that was the case for her however my intentions were genuine.

Taking it slow was always the intention and I may have been quick on asking her for a drink, however as I am new to the scene as well I forget that asking someone to meet for a drink as a vanilla would be normal but in kink environment that might come across as very forward. I forgot I am now a part of that scene and I need to establish myself the same as her.

[jh****]

I sent her an apology message saying sorry if I seemed forward. There was more to the message but that is the general summary

[jh****]

3 hours ago, RogueLynx said:

It's just one meet, she's possibly looking for consistency and intentions. In insisting for other munches/meet she's able to observe and determine if someone is genuinely interested in her as a person or if it was a one night interest. Often we meet someone and the interest is high on the first meet but it dissipates as soon as we hold up the wait card. This shows us they were looking for the low effort fling. I commend her as newbies often jump in feet first. If you do like her, keep your interest consistent but not overwhelming.

I agree, that's the last thing I want to do.

[Li****]

Honestly, she's the only one that can answer this. Anyone else answering has no idea where her mindset is. She could literally just mean exactly what she's said, be doing it so she can attend munches with someone she feels safe with, be seeing who and how you are gradually and slowly in a safe space, be using you as an option, be using you as a safety net incase someone is weird or things don't go well at one, want to experience munches with someone she previously knows is also inexperienced, so much more possible reasons. Just take it as she's said or if you need more clarity/reassurance, please just ask her and explain what you have here. Communication is absolutely key. It's also the complete downfall of dating and a noticeable and fixable pattern.

[Si****]

The tough part is, only she knows. The toughest part is, accepting that you never will know. But the light in the dark is knowing that she doesnt owe you an explanation and if you eventually receive one, you'll wonder if its the truth or watered down to appease you. Im assuming youre a good person for posting this. You have heart which is a beautiful thang but an extremely ***ful thing as well. My advice is to not wonder. Wonderments are devastating. If you dont know where a person stands with you then stand alone and let go of their shadow. The beautiful thing is learning to not expect an excuse, explanation, reason, lie, from anyone. Situations become confusing... unconfuse them

[Mr****]

I'm afraid for now, you have your answer? It sucks, but that's what it is?

You have to take it on the face value it is also. It probably took her an F ton of effort and willpower to even step foot through that door.

The risks for women attending munches is exponentially greater than it is for me or you, just bear that in mind when you attend any of these types of events.?

Munches are social events, they're about networking and establishment - usually locally. If she wanted to go straight into something she'd probably go to a club meet, but she wanted to test the water first. It's probably also exploring something deep seated that has taken a lot of processing to realise is a part of her deep down and is both scary and enlightening at the same time? Those are some antipodeal emotions to deal with consciously. They pull you in two directions at the same time.

Sometimes being at a munch is needed just for that unifying validation, even if you don't interact with anyone - just the energy of being with the same sort of people can be very cathartic by nature.?

My tip?

Just let it be, let it evolve naturally if it does. DON'T pressure her, keep comms to a minimum... Check in with her on Friday and ask how her week went and what she has planned for the weekend? If she wants to chat more, that's a bonus? Unless you're already messaging lots anyway, then if you are just ignore that? 😁

Good luck, the world of kink can be both straight forward AND complicated at the same time. Half the fun is the navigation, half is getting there and the other half is discovering new horizons.

It's also filled with people who can't do mathematics... 😁 😂

[Be****]

If im understanding right, the OP is concerned that if they back off and just waits, they risk the other person thinking that the interest is lost, but if they continue, the other person could think they are being too pushy. If thats the case I can totally relate.

[Fl****]

Women’s perspective only. There is a lot of people in here who cross boundaries too quickly. She’s getting comfortable with you. It can be scary.

[Ha****]

I agree with Flirtyflirt. If I was trying to find a safe way to reject someone, I would not say that I wanted to coordinate meeting at the same event next time. But then, I'm also more blunt and would simply tell them I'm not interested in anything more than friendship with them, but I kmow not all people feel safe enough to be that blunt for *** of some sort of retaliation coming their way, and I get that. But it does sound like she is just trying to get comfortable and feel secure with you, and get to know you in that public setting, first.