NSA and kink

[Yi****]

I wish the ladies I date would have more communication quite often. It's do whatever you want to me or I don't wanna talk about anything. I just wanna check out.And then when I do whatever I want, they say, oh no.Not that

[Fi****]

Why would you not be able to communicate with an NSA partner?

This question is based on many false premises.

[mr****]

7 hours ago, honeymilker said:

Only scenario is cnc. I left my door open for someone once. We talked before hand tho. It’s risky but fun

I did that before with a woman I never met in person and it was wild she left her sliding door open and had some killer music playing and I slipped in full ski mask and she made me fight for it it was so kinky and my first full kink experience. But we discussed everything multiple times before we acted on it

[mr****]

7 hours ago, honeycrisp said:

Because you've got the brain of female energy -- a holistic, present, flowing, encompassing thing -- and the confused little boys here have boy-brain, which regards all events as transactional. Their brains are designed to deconstruct complex phenomena, such as sex with energetic dynamics, and parse them into tidy boxes; such that when they need to access a box, they carefully remove it from its storage space, participate in/discuss *only what's in that box,* then put it back neatly. That's why men can engage with alarmingly convincing sincerity one moment, and then be absolute sociopaths the next -- because what is the definition of sociopath if not the "nsa/casual" approach to bdsm and D/s? It's the very picture of psychopathy! Made all the more crazy because they seem so-very genuine about it *in that moment.* They're fully present *with that box*! ... Just not fully present *as whole people,* which is what *women* look for and how our sexual psychology works: not thru independent boxes; rather thru interconnected wiring systems. In order for men to actually understand this, it has to be pointed out to them and then rein***d thru relationships. But sadly, many women have convinced themselves thru the folly of the sexual revolution that fucking like a man makes them empowered -- so they continue to rein*** for men that women are just smaller versions of men, with male-oriented sexual psychologies. And guys just live on, none the wiser.

Female sociopaths are out their too and probably much more dangerous I’m the victim of one and I hate that word lol but anyway it took me years to recover

[mt****]

27 minutes ago, mrwindell said:

Female sociopaths are out their too and probably much more dangerous I’m the victim of one and I hate that word lol but anyway it took me years to recover

Same. Which is why my trust level is as low as it is. Been taken advantage of and only realizing later after it’s too late. My trust was shot but I got out the other side alive.

[Fr****]

Holy smokes! I wasn’t really expecting such a huge response. I appreciate every single comment! And most are right, it may be someone’s kink, I just couldn’t see how a one time kink play would work…. But now I can see other views and points on this. I was just truly confused as I see a lot of profiles with NSA on here and my mind just couldn’t see how that might work!!

[PresentisPeculiar]

You can connect and be no strings attached. You can repeat with someone and still be NSA. You can become fantastic sexual buddies with someone and still be NSA.

[iG****]

I collared someone I met tonight. NSA and bdsm is easy if experienced. It's the same skill a Game Master needs for D&d. If you can't fathom it, you need a Dom to show you. Context: 2-3 collar request a week, all NSA.

[Bi****]

They don't go together because you're right. A true D/s relationship requires trust, and trust and authority is earned. You don't earn that without at least a few strings. Boundaries, communication, hard stops, etc all of those equate to strings. Nobody wants to share toys with someone else unless they enjoy bladder infections and inhaling antibiotics all the time, so that alone requires strings.

[PresentisPeculiar]

2 hours ago, BikerBrat92 said:

They don't go together because you're right. A true D/s relationship requires trust, and trust and authority is earned. You don't earn that without at least a few strings. Boundaries, communication, hard stops, etc all of those equate to strings. Nobody wants to share toys with someone else unless they enjoy bladder infections and inhaling antibiotics all the time, so that alone requires strings.

But that excludes major portions of the question... Can NSA be compatible with kink (certainly) and Kink/bdsm, which can include both and be NSA for sessions of bdsm play rather the. Living the lifestyle 24)7, which is agree isn't compatible with NsA . But NSA is not ONS

[Bi****]

24 minutes ago, PresentisPeculiar said:

But that excludes major portions of the question... Can NSA be compatible with kink (certainly) and Kink/bdsm, which can include both and be NSA for sessions of bdsm play rather the. Living the lifestyle 24)7, which is agree isn't compatible with NsA . But NSA is not ONS

Bdsm/kink is definitely included in my comment. You're just reading it wrong. It also includes boundaries which are strings.

[Fi****]

4 hours ago, BikerBrat92 said:

Bdsm/kink is definitely included in my comment. You're just reading it wrong. It also includes boundaries which are strings.

You do know what NSA means, and is used to describe right? Are you being obtuse?

[Ba****]

I’ve read most of the comments here with interest. But many of them lead to one clear distinction that should be made.

NSA is not the same as a one night stand.

NSA means I may not be able to offer a long term emotional commitment outside of our ‘play’ time. That doesn’t mean we can’t have a rich, fully discussed and mutually respectful relationship. That also doesn’t mean we can’t and shouldn’t take time to develop our mutual understanding.

One night stand is, I imagine, difficult in a kink world as there is no time to develop that trust and understanding. But it is completely different from NSA.

[Bi****]

2 hours ago, FireInAFire said:

You do know what NSA means, and is used to describe right? Are you being obtuse?

I know exactly what NSA means, which is why I know it doesn’t belong in BDSM. Kink requires boundaries, safety protocols, and earned trust, all of which are, by definition, "strings." If you find that concept "obtuse," it’s likely because acknowledging those responsibilities would get in the way of how you prefer to use people. Using insults to skip over the necessity of consent and care doesn't make you right; it just makes your approach to play pretty questionable. 🤔

[Fi****]

1 hour ago, BikerBrat92 said:

I know exactly what NSA means, which is why I know it doesn’t belong in BDSM. Kink requires boundaries, safety protocols, and earned trust, all of which are, by definition, "strings." If you find that concept "obtuse," it’s likely because acknowledging those responsibilities would get in the way of how you prefer to use people. Using insults to skip over the necessity of consent and care doesn't make you right; it just makes your approach to play pretty questionable. 🤔

"Obtuse" isn't an insult, I'm asking if you're refusing to understand on purpose, which is what the word means, and what it seems you're doing.

I have a few NSA partners, all BDSM dynamics. It's NSA on both sides. We have good comms, everything is out in the open, we have the "talks" etc... those aren't "strings" and definitely not rhe "strings" that "NSA" refers to.

NSA means no long-term commitment in a relationship, that's it. The two aren't mutually exclusive but BDSM can definitely exist outside of a commited LTR.
 

[Bi****]

58 minutes ago, FireInAFire said:

"Obtuse" isn't an insult, I'm asking if you're refusing to understand on purpose, which is what the word means, and what it seems you're doing.

I have a few NSA partners, all BDSM dynamics. It's NSA on both sides. We have good comms, everything is out in the open, we have the "talks" etc... those aren't "strings" and definitely not rhe "strings" that "NSA" refers to.

NSA means no long-term commitment in a relationship, that's it. The two aren't mutually exclusive but BDSM can definitely exist outside of a commited LTR.
 

I’m not 'refusing to understand what NSA means; I’m simply rejecting your framing of it. Just as my stance on the health risks of multiple partners is an opinion based on my own standards, and yours is based on yours.

Disagreement isn't a lack of comprehension, and this thread is for sharing perspectives, not seeking your approval.

 

[Fi****]

51 minutes ago, BikerBrat92 said:

I’m not 'refusing to understand what NSA means; I’m simply rejecting your framing of it. Just as my stance on the health risks of multiple partners is an opinion based on my own standards, and yours is based on yours.

Disagreement isn't a lack of comprehension, and this thread is for sharing perspectives, not seeking your approval.

 

Call spoons forks, and forks spoon all you want, doesn't change their uses.

Just like you having your "own" understanding of NSA won't change what it's actually used for.

Bottom line: NSA and BDSM are definitely compatible.

[Ba****]

Well if it’s just two people involved with each other then combining BDSM and NSA has very high likelihood of being irresponsible which in a power exchange situation basically means the dom is trash by default but there are more then two people around here and a variety of scenarios that fall outside the apparent assumption of a private monogamous interaction and as soon as there is a third party you are both connected to(wether that may be a person or venue) you no longer need to have direct connection between each other

Ps i think quite a bit of the heated argumentation above was caused in part by the conflation of „BDSM“ and „kink“, in this case it’s not calling spoons forks it’s assuming all cutlery is knives
There are a lot of kinks outside of BDSM(hell there is even some bits of BDSM that are not kinky), some don’t need strings and some straight up require NSA

[Be****]

You can have an understanding of kink culture and its rules (consent is EVERYTHING). And still have NSA meet ups. NSA is simply knowing that after the encounter, you are both free to go and be with whoever you want.

[mi****]

The strings from NSA are used for rigging in the bondage part of BDSM loll

[ey****]

A little thing.

In "traditional" NSA arrangements, stuff like consent, boundaries, etc etc etc.  It's not a free for all.  While there's also stuff where there might be no expectancies (ongoing relationship, exclusivity, good morning texts, whatever) there might still be other expectations (say, regular health checks) -- also kinda the where/when to meet, and if it's somewhere neutral like a hotel, who is covering costs etc

the "no" in "no strings attached" does a lot of heavy lifting.  

Of course, like a lot of things what works for one works for another.  I do a lot of casual and pick up play, and, it is that - it's play - it's not part of deep/meaningful D/s relationship with protocol, or daily check ins, or so on or so forth etc etc.  So can understand why someone wouldn't want that.

 

[Bi****]

8 hours ago, Barthold said:

Well if it’s just two people involved with each other then combining BDSM and NSA has very high likelihood of being irresponsible which in a power exchange situation basically means the dom is trash by default but there are more then two people around here and a variety of scenarios that fall outside the apparent assumption of a private monogamous interaction and as soon as there is a third party you are both connected to(wether that may be a person or venue) you no longer need to have direct connection between each other

Ps i think quite a bit of the heated argumentation above was caused in part by the conflation of „BDSM“ and „kink“, in this case it’s not calling spoons forks it’s assuming all cutlery is knives
There are a lot of kinks outside of BDSM(hell there is even some bits of BDSM that are not kinky), some don’t need strings and some straight up require NSA

Nah it's just a controlling dude who thinks his perspective is one size fits all, and that opinions aren't real. I would hate to see how he is as a Dom if that's his regular personality in a conversation.

[To****]

I kinda get what they mean honestly, but I also think people use BDSM sites for very different reasons

For me personally, kink without communication and trust feels hollow pretty fast. Even casual dynamics still need boundaries, awareness, and atleast some level of connection or understanding. Otherwise it just turns into chasing sensations

That said, some people separate emotional connection from kink completely. They enjoy the power exchange, the play, the fantasy, but dont necessarily want a deeper relationship around it. NSA for them doesnt always mean careless, sometimes it just means limited attachment

I lean more toward your side though. Even if it’s casual, I need some kind of mental connection there or the dynamic just doesnt hold much weight for me

[Be****]

Bottom line is that NSA simply means what happens "here" will have no impact in the rest of our lives.

[Ba****]

6 hours ago, BikerBrat92 said:

Nah it's just a controlling dude who thinks his perspective is one size fits all, and that opinions aren't real. I would hate to see how he is as a Dom if that's his regular personality in a conversation.

I can see what you mean and you brought up some valid concerns that more people need to be aware of, UTIs for example can be a endless cycle of antibiotics for too many women even in committed monogamous relationships just because a lot of men tend to show less to no symptoms and are generally less likely to seek treatment when symptoms actually do show up

But the mentions of a potential third party and „kink“ outside of „BDSM“ where mostly inspired by what you wrote(no use trying to be „innocent“ now😉)
Sure i would say any thing one could comfortably call a „dynamic“ shouldn’t qualify as „NSA“ but if your dynamic allows the involvement of other people then there is no strict need for you to tie yourself to extra attachments with those people as long as your dom(i assume) takes your boundaries and safety seriously enough

And condoms are great for sharing toys too, both for the ones used internally and you can cut them to protect you from potential contamination from external things like suction toys
Just a suggestion