New sub feeling pressured

[Ar****]

5 hours ago, LinksTheApex said:

Let me also say, that if our subs limits keep us from getting what we need then we have to find a way to take them to that limit and push them past it. That’s the intimacy in the relationship that’s the best part. Taking someone to the threshold and into another place they didn’t know they could go.

No. No, no, no, no, no. Ever.

 

We do not "find a way" to take them past the limits they have set - that is at best base manipulation and ***, at worst something far more terrible. Work with a sub who actively wants to test/break their boundaries and consents/wants to do so? Absolutely. We never "have to" find a way to break a limit.

 

If a sub's limits keep us from getting what we need, we are not compatible with them.

[Deleted Member]

I mean a common understanding between the two. Dominant has changed over the years and I’ve considered stepping away from the community as a whole. I don’t like saying I’m dominant it makes me cringe because so many others are an embarrassment in my opinion. I feel, and it’s my opinion that it has to be a partnership unless a person is there just to be ***d. But it should be an experience for you that you want more of. I feel you should be treated in a way that makes you trust your “dom”, and want to be taken past your limit to the point of no limitations. I’m not dominant I am, The Apex. Now if you haven’t submitted totally then they shouldn’t expect it. How much have you stressed your discomfort to them? And remind them but ask first if you can say something about them. They so no then walk. But sometimes they have to be reminded that without subs they have no one. If they want you to return then they need to make sure you’re going to want to. I’ve never had anyone with experience to disagree with that.

[Phoenyx]

19 hours ago, LinksTheApex said:

I mean a common understanding between the two. Dominant has changed over the years and I’ve considered stepping away from the community as a whole. I don’t like saying I’m dominant it makes me cringe because so many others are an embarrassment in my opinion.

Stepping away is not the answer.  If all of the good Doms did that, the ignorant trolls would win, and The Scene would die.  Use your passion to confront their ignorance.  No, do not confront them directly, or resort to name-calling.  That would be stooping to their level.  Instead, casually highlight the ignorance or their words and actions.  Remain calm, as they lose all emotional control, and display their ignorance for all to see.

There is no need to be embarrassed.  A real Dom may, from time to time, say that they are a Dom.  But, a troll will announce it!

[Th****]

Thursday at 07:31 PM, Aranhis said:

No. No, no, no, no, no. Ever.

 

We do not "find a way" to take them past the limits they have set - that is at best base manipulation and ***, at worst something far more terrible. Work with a sub who actively wants to test/break their boundaries and consents/wants to do so? Absolutely. We never "have to" find a way to break a limit.

 

If a sub's limits keep us from getting what we need, we are not compatible with them.

Brilliant answer Aranhis!

This is simply about respect, something we all owe one another, honesty and that old fashioned concept honour.

I think my mother explained this to me best when I was a child, though I think she stole it from the book The Water Babies.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

No dominant that disrespects their submissive deserves any in return. Keep to your limits, stand your ground, you will find someone that respects that.

[Ar****]

30 minutes ago, Thebian said:

Brilliant answer Aranhis!

This is simply about respect, something we all owe one another, honesty and that old fashioned concept honour.

I think my mother explained this to me best when I was a child, though I think she stole it from the book The Water Babies.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

No dominant that disrespects their submissive deserves any in return. Keep to your limits, stand your ground, you will find someone that respects that.

Thank you friend Thebian. Love and respect to you and yours always 🙏

[qu****]

Submitting totally, sounds like yet again a "dom" thinking you're not a sub unless you do this, quite frankly rollocks, NO means No, as simple as that, you are still sub if you say this, and you MUST be respected for it, 

[Deleted Member]

He isn't a Dom then he if he is so persistent on pressuring you to doing things you don't want to

[Deleted Member]

A Dom should respect his sub and vice verca

[Jo****]

If they don’t respect your boundaries? It’s a hard pass for me. I used to be 100% sub when younger n i got a taste of abusive men through that. A good dom would respect your red flags. If there isn’t respect between each other? It’s never worth the risk. He sounds like the type that can hurt u.

[Deleted Member]

Domme here. It’s a hard limit and you are being pressured to go beyond? First you are new to the life and it’s the dom/dommes job to protect you, to help you learn, to guide you. What is happening is you are being *** by a wannabe dom. Cut all ties. Do not continue. Have you found kinkacademy*? Really good resources especially for beginners. If you ever need to talk I am happy to chat with you.

Edited September 11, 2021 by Deleted Member
*External link removed

[vy****]

D/s is not about inequality. They each have equal and opposite power and that only comes from respect and trust.

Some so-called Doms are really just bullies who like the idea of bossing someone around. They know nothing about power exchange or sub space or the work and planning that goes into being an effective Dom. Nor the pleasure that comes from affording a cherished sub the experience she craves.

In time, with trust, with communication, a sub may wish to push a boundary. But never because of a bully’s tantrum.

Hold out for a Dom who respects that his hard aching desire must be matched by your hot wet need of him.

And that kind of excitement requires trust.

[Deleted Member]

If he doesn’t listen the words hard limit. They needs to find somebody else. If you tell them that and they are still ignoring you. Block them they had their chance.

[Deleted Member]

Do not let anyone bully you into anything you are not comfortable with as a sub you have final say and if the Dom or Master doesn't respect that than forget about them. Your safety is important and before meeting anyone in person vet them, make sure who there are. So be safe 🧚‍♀️

[Du****]

You found some weirdo who is a sadistic sociopath. Sorry. As a sub you have responsibility to make the right decision who to trust. Take a time, have a boundaries! These weirdos are after women with no boundaries, usually masochists. They smell it like shark ***, they then will use you like bitch and throw away. ..so once you set boundaries, take your time, you will find Dom who also has boundaries.
I know u r young inexperienced , so u still learn about world but the reality is, majority of so called doms are weirdos. WHY? they arent grown up men. Mentally stuck in 13 years age due to trauma, missing father etc.. so no father role in their life, they dont understant their role as a man in this society and towards women. Look at the photos they send you, they often show signs of immaturity from the very first photo! 45 years old man and trying to be cool like ***ager, unaware of the effects it has on women. Noone of us want child - man , but fully matured real man...thats not ur role to change them you cant, it was job of their fathers. Women are lucky they become women automatically after their first period, with sons its more complicated.

[th****]

Run. Immediately. The first time they come close to disregarding a hard limit. Block them and move on. They is absolutely no way for a dom to act

[Deleted Member]

Well I believe the username above is true lol. 100% agree with the statement!

[go****]

That means they don't respect you

[Deleted Member]

If they don’t respect hard limits, they don’t deserve you.

[Deleted Member]

If they push your limits in a way that pleases you, they are a keeper

[sexwith-aghost13]

I wouldn't even start playing with people if you are brand new, it is extremely dangerous and nobody should be starting off with play/sessions. Your main priority is to educate yourself not jump in head first

[Dy****]

Cut off contact with this person and block them. They can't respect boundaries, so they don't deserve access.

[Ro****]

I know someone who never learned to deal with that, half the reason i was her part time dom. Boundaries are real. They need to be viewed as such. If they push or question a soft limit a little and not repetitively that could be curiosity and the answer being like maybe or not first session. If its a soft limit for reasons that may change say so and youll let them know. Not the other way around. If its a hard limit then drop it, you can tell them why when you’re ready or not. If they are actually pushing on your hard limits drop them.

[ma****]

I would stop talking to them. That is *** what they are doing.

[Ro****]

Id actually tone it back just the tiniest bit and say for sure harassment but not sure about ***. Definitely so and *** of ‘power’ they insist anything or if anything proceeds without changing but it sounds personally like they’ve had a harder time establishing limits. I know some who have only hard limits and everything else is open unless it becomes a hard limit. Nothing wrong with soft limits. Making sure both are known 👌

Not saying they aint done messed up at all, but if someone is honestly curious why a certain limit that stands out is how it is became that way (and not something obvious like CNC but like one specific brand of toys or the color yellow) and its not the first words out their mouth that can be acceptable. Saying your limits are in any way UNREASONABLE. 🚪 “bye”

[ma****]

Crossing or pushing someone's limits is ***