Is BDSM still BDSM when you take away the sex?

[he****]

For me bdsm with out the sex is not a bdsm id want to be apart of, but yes BDSM is not about all about sex.

[Br****]

Yes you can have kink and bdsm without sex

[Ba****]

Well the simple answer is yes asexual BDSM is still BDSM

The more complicated part is that in BDSM two or more fully clothed people can have a completely asexual interaction which they themselves and/or others then can reinterpret as a sexual interaction basically just for the potential of arousal and/gratification to be caused by said interaction
So yeah, a scene can be genuinely sexually transformative without any actual sex in it and even retroactively interpreting sex into it can/does change the perceived nature of kink

Also you likely find the biggest split on this topic between the lifestyle-kink and bedroom-kink sub-communities of BDSM

Personally i tend to be on the more sexual side but even i don’t need sex in all my BDSM interactions, some i even prefer to be asexual(hell this is probably the only community where you can get someone telling you that not „getting off“ can be intensely sexual), and quite s bit of my sexual interactions don’t need to include formally identifiable BDSM to not be all that vanilla either

[pr****]

My favorite type of sessions are ignoring my submissives , it more emotional & definitely humiliating, more sadist than me doing cbt on a sub

[Lo****]

Pink and BDSM are both separate from sex. A lot of them tie in pretty well, but they're not intrinsically involved.

[Ju****]

It depends on the person. I personally don't want to separate the two.

[Ta****]

Yes you can have BDSM and kink without sex just like you can have sex without kink or BDSM.
BDSM, kink and sex are all individual entities, they can cross over and intertwine depending on what is agreed and consented to within the dynamic.

[Da****]

Sure is.. I knew a sub who never had sex with one of her Dominant partners.

[Al****]

Definitely yes, BDSM is a lifestyle

[Sh****]

But lifestyle in some kinks involves sex some doesn’t

[El****]

For me, the majority of my play is non-sexual. There was one play partner I had where everything was because that was the agreed upon dynamic and wow was that fun, but having it be non sexual doesn’t take away anything from it for me. It helps me focus on other parts. It helps me get in tune with my body and focus on myself and my own reactions and emotions rather than pleasing someone else. And even when my play isn’t directly sexual (no genital touching or talk about physical intimacy) it can still be intimate in other ways for me

[Nu****]

Yes BDSM is still such without sex. I had a two year relationship that was total power exchange but no sex whatsoever. It was all about the control and bondage.

[Sh****]

I like that sounds like you know what you want.

[al****]

I really like this question because I think part of the confusion comes from how BDSM has become much more mainstream and commercialised over the years. A lot of people were first introduced to it through things like Fifty Shades of Grey, fashion, sexual fantasies and roleplay, so naturally BDSM became strongly associated with sex.

But when you look at what BDSM actually stands for — Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism — sex isn't actually part of the definition. Of course BDSM can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be.

It can be about power exchange, discipline, service, sensation, trust, control, surrender, ritual or simply the connection between two people. So yes, I definitely think BDSM without sex is still BDSM. Sex can be part of the experience, but it isn't what defines it.

[Le****]

No

[Da****]

Yes. 😀

[Po****]

9 hours ago, allmightypleasure said:

I really like this question because I think part of the confusion comes from how BDSM has become much more mainstream and commercialised over the years. A lot of people were first introduced to it through things like Fifty Shades of Grey, fashion, sexual fantasies and roleplay, so naturally BDSM became strongly associated with sex.

But when you look at what BDSM actually stands for — Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism — sex isn't actually part of the definition. Of course BDSM can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be.

It can be about power exchange, discipline, service, sensation, trust, control, surrender, ritual or simply the connection between two people. So yes, I definitely think BDSM without sex is still BDSM. Sex can be part of the experience, but it isn't what defines it.

I love your answer! That is the hardest part about being curious in the lifestyle, sadly. Every man/master/daddy/dom that I’ve ever encountered makes it all about sex. That’s usually my cue to exit stage left. My desire to be submissive is not hinged on being a man’s cum dumpster and when I ask them what their aftercare looks like, they generally have no idea what I’m referring to.

[Deleted Member]

Yes! Have had online encounter's no sex involved

[Ch****]

So as a person that has been into BDSM since I was 16. More than 40 years ago. I can, from my experience confirm BDSM and many other fetishes do not include sex. That doesn't mean that with the right people it won't lead to sex. I have actually seen looks of surprise when a pro-domme saw my chastity and then later learned it truly cannot be removed. I feel like we still had great sessions. When my wife became my Mistress there were many times our sessions did not involve sex. Our lifestyle even transformed to in the home I worshipped her as ifin session unless we had uninformed visitors. That means we were always to some degree involving BDSM in our day to day. This also does not mean the sexual tension, hope, and anticipation was not there. On the contrary it was always there. So I guess what I am saying is it doesn't need to be sexual but can become just that very quickly.

[Ca****]

Sex is not needed

[be****]

There is always a sexual element to it though. It’s always better to be naked when receiving discipline and spankings. You don’t have to have sex during or after but true power exchange is the Domme fully dressed while the submissive male is completely naked !

[Me****]

The two scenes I’ve done with my new DD has not ended with sex. On one hand, rude (teasingly), but on the other, it’s building this wonderful trust of, “I’m not only wanted for sex!” How my brain developed, it can be so tricky navigating sex, but I know I have kinks that I crave to be fulfilled and it’s been nice having that aspect being focused on and my libido and mind having these moment to simmer, enjoy, and marvel how sex and kink doesn’t always need to be hand in hand.

[Ba****]

5 hours ago, bellevue51589 said:

There is always a sexual element to it though. It’s always better to be naked when receiving discipline and spankings. You don’t have to have sex during or after but true power exchange is the Domme fully dressed while the submissive male is completely naked !

But the sexual element is almost always optional,
nudity isn’t inherently sexual,
there are a bunch of things someone can be made to wear to make them feel more exposed and *** than just being naked
and there is even historic precedent for people of higher station not being ashamed of their nakedness in the face of the lower classes in general and their servants in particular

Or would you say that a guy dressed in a whole ass manservant uniform down to the gloves serving refreshments to a sunbathing woman couldn’t be the submissive in a „true“ power exchange and that it should be seen as a sexual situation by him in that context

[al****]

I totally agree, and I can relate, although from the opposite side as a Dom. I come across so many guys who present themselves as slaves or submissives and claim they have absolutely no limits. For me, that's usually a sign that they don't fully understand what that role actually involves.

Not knowing your limits yet because you're still exploring is one thing, and that's completely understandable. But confidently claiming that you have no limits changes the story drastically. A Dom has a responsibility not to take advantage of someone's ignorance or recklessness. Someone might agree to something without truly understanding what they're agreeing to and end up deeply regretting it afterwards.

Submission doesn't remove responsibility from the Dom. If anything, the more control someone gives you, the more seriously you need to take their boundaries, consent and wellbeing.

But again, when their brain is more between their legs than in their head 😂, it honestly feels like a waste of time even trying to explain any of this to them.

[MTNapexLion]

Of course it is. Ask a service top sadist.