Is BDSM still BDSM when you take away the sex?

[Deleted Member]

My preference is BDSM without the sex. I didn't become a sub because I wanted the kink or really anything to do with it.
I became a sub because after 10-12 hours a day running my work world, I wanted someone who could switch me off and just let me be whatever I needed to be and to direct me so I knew exactly how to make them happy without having to think about anything.

[Fe****]

I think it is. Whether it is baby girl, sub, CNC what have you. I find that me knowing you and your like and just knowing you makes the BDSM connection all the more powerful. Sex is the reward.

[Mise-en-place]

On 8/9/2026 at 7:25 PM, MistySilver said:

Yes. Bdsm is still Bdsm without sex

But I like the sex.... Not that I get any, I'm just saying LOL

[je****]

It is the connection of two souls that make the whole dynamic work in the first place. It’s not about the act of sex, but about the surrender, power exchange, and allowing yourself to fall completely into the other person. There is no other connection like a sub and her dom. Which is why I am enjoying this world more and more. By the way I am new in this. And will NEVER have a vanilla relationship again.

[Ba****]

2 hours ago, FeralMaster said:

I think it is. Whether it is baby girl, sub, CNC what have you. I find that me knowing you and your like and just knowing you makes the BDSM connection all the more powerful. Sex is the reward.

Well i‘ve yet to go to one so i‘m not absolutely sure but i think if you fuck at a rope bondage workshop you get banned from the place in general

And paying with sex every time i get brought a coffee or get my table wiped seems a bit disproportionate

Not trying to throw shade here but there are just too many ways individual dynamics can be set up across BDSM/kink for that to be universally true
And yes even CNC can be entirely asexual

[Go****]

For some people sure.

In fact there’s plenty of people who are into BDSM without sex. Not me, but there’s lots of folks who are.

Personally it’s a sexual thing, and even when it’s just an art thing it’s still a “sexy art” thing.

But there’s lots of different types of people who are into BDSM in non sexual or less sexual way.

For me,
Removing the sexual from BDSM is kind of like going to a restaurant, ordering a gourmet meal and a fine bottle of wine, and then leaving without enjoying a drop of the vintage or a bite of the main course - let alone even taking a look at the dessert menu.

Nothing wring with merely window shopping but I can to devour the meal, polish off the vino and maybe even have some dessert and a cappuccino before leaving the feast!

[Stallingfoot]

ofc.

[An****]

For myself, sex can be a part of bdsm but it doesn't have to be. I've played with several friends without sex and it was gratifying and fun.

[Deleted Member]

BDSM is a VERY large umbrella under which are more categories than you can count. I've personally known several submissives that needed impact play in order to maintain a balanced mentality. There are service submissives that achieve happiness purely by being of service and usually not in a sexual manner. People that participate in pet play for example too, their are numerous activities and relationships that fall under the BDSM umbrella that don't require sex.

[Ha****]

yes can definitely take the sex out of BDSM all the things you mentioned earlier actually are what it is all about it just generally opens up the door for sex I was once a dom for a woman that was completely lesbian and for 9 months we had sessions that helped her in ways I'll not discuss right now but it doesn't have to contain sex it's exactly how you described it it's the trust and the time and the attention and knowing that there is somebody that understands you

[Tr****]

It's all in the acronym...
• Bondage
• Discipline/Dominance
• Submission/Sadism
• Masochism

Kinks and Fetishes can stand alone, as well be associated with activities within BDSM. Sexual exploration has used, and Been used, during the practice of Kinks and Fetishes and if you're looking within the community (in person) you'll see this explanation Everywhere.

Taking for example the lower end of the spectrum, bondage in the form of Shibari or Kinbaku... it originated from the holding and sometimes *** of prisoners in Japan. For many, nothing sexual happens during the practice of Kinbaku but there is a connective transference of consciousness, energy, however you individually want to call it... as well as sexual for many other people.

In DD/lg, some people have a sexual desire while they're in "little" or "middle" space, and MANY have absolutely Zero desire to associate sexually... their fetish is to feel safe within the confines of their emotional state of feeling safe and small in the company of someone big and authoritative... their protector.

On the far and intense side of the spectrum (respectively) we have hook-suspension practitioners. They are motivated to practice their fetish because of the headspace they shift into as they settle into their physical ***, or for some, separate themselves from it. They rarely Every associate this experience with sexual acts.

***And all of these still fall under the umbrella of BDSM.

So yes, sexual activity is not the predominate ingredient to make BDSM "BDSM". But it's your choice to include it or not. The beauty of individualism is practice by each and every one of us, and is not confined by rule of societal opinion.

Play safe all.