qu**** Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Whilst admittedly a minority of women, I seem to attract the ones who just want to get off fiddling their foofoos, then disappear 🤷, I assume they think I am as well, in reality it's very, very rare if I do
***lessKitten Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 2 hours ago, SexxyMoeFoe said: OMG, I have had t o put up with everything mentioned here. It's sad how little effort people put into anything. I reply to almost anyone with a profile who is polite. Even without a profile I'll say I prefer not to chat. This of course leads to replies that I think I am too good for people... Also, there are many who think replying to a message shows interest in your part, when you are simply replying... It's a lose-lose situation. You are the bad guy if you don't reply, but you are the bad guy if you DO reply to say no thanks or say you are happy to chat but don't have any interest in more than that... SMH. I also totally understand it's frustrating for the [guy] initiating because most of the time you don't get a reply and after a while you don't think it's worth the effort. I get that, but on the off chance that you may get a reply from someone you are actually interested in, put in a little effort. One of the worst for me is the "doing anything sexy tonight/this weekend". I feel like these guys think I am here to entertain them or fulfill their fantasies. They just come here and pick a woman and have her tell you sexy stories. That's exactly how it works. Yep, that what I do all the time. Sexy things. Me and the girls just laying around in our lingerie teasing some naughty boy blah blah blah. Please let me entertain you, stranger, with my sexy plans. As a guy that's put so much time and effort into friendly, detailed, profile specific opening messages and getting so few reply to me, for the most part I've now given up approaching (online) women first. I understand women's frustration with the rude guys, I understand the frustration with the "hey" "how are you" opening messages, but me having so few replies after messaging so many (assuming I'm doing nothing wrong) to me shows that there's communication issues on both sides! Surely it's not just bad luck I get so few replies? I have a pic and a somewhat decent profile. I target the people who I message, sometimes even messaging people expressing that I'm just looking for friendly convo and elaborating on what has intrigued me about their profile. I'm not the type to be butt hurt about someone expressing they're not interested in me or what I'm looking for either, so any kind of reply can go a long way. Anyhow my reason for replying is not to complain, I'm just informing on why I, and other guys like me, have given up messaging women first. It's also to implore you to continue being persistent lol, or just continue replying like you do so that the minority guys who do put effort in realise that they are doing something right
***lessKitten Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 33 minutes ago, quietlysure said: Whilst admittedly a minority of women, I seem to attract the ones who just want to get off fiddling their foofoos, then disappear 🤷, I assume they think I am as well, in reality it's very, very rare if I do They may be a minority, but it's interesting seeing that some women act similar to men in the way that they only want to use someone to get them off and aren't exactly honest or open about their intentions. How do you know you attract the ones that disappear unless you're indulging them 😜 I'm guessing they approach you first? It's unfortunate they leave, but surely you must be doing something right to attract them? Whatever that is I need to figure it out so I can make it work for me 😂 Maybe it's because they can tell that you're articulate, creative or imaginative lol. I've noticed the women on this site seem to like the guys who write those sexual stories... Unfortunately for me I'm not exactly articulate or creative when it comes to writing 😅
Deleted Member Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 (edited) @DuchessFeuille Oh I see! That's what I have to do to at least get a reply! 🤣 But seriously, it's those guys that ruin it for "normal" guys like me and @***lessKitten above. it's an endless, laborious, soul destroying job for both men and women. Theres just no answer to it. 😔 Edited August 22, 2021 by Deleted Member To tag who I responded to because my comment didn't include her quote
ey**** Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 2 hours ago, ***lessKitten said: Surely it's not just bad luck I get so few replies? One of the hardest things sometimes to accept is you can, in theory, do everything right and not get what you want. I have found reaching out to someone I already have a little rapport with has yielded better results (even if it's just an exchange of conversation) then messaging blind While there are a lot of examples of bad opening messages - there's no real perfect opening message. I think a golden rule of keep it brief but make it count can help - someone else also recommended keeping below 250-300 words. Among anything else it means you're putting effort in, but not overly labouring yourself, while also not making the other person feel they have to give a lengthily response.
Deleted Member Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 The worst part I tend to get is ‘Tell me about yourself’ There’s a lot to tell!! What do you wanna know, pick a topic? “Tell me anything” Alright, you’re getting my shoe size, my cats favourite brand of treats, my hairdresser’s chosen shampoo line, my favourite Zoflora smell, what I ate for breakfast and my exercise regime…. You started the conversation, throw me a friggin bone!!
Du**** Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 7 minutes ago, MetalMumma87 said: The worst part I tend to get is ‘Tell me about yourself’ There’s a lot to tell!! What do you wanna know, pick a topic? “Tell me anything” Alright, you’re getting my shoe size, my cats favourite brand of treats, my hairdresser’s chosen shampoo line, my favourite Zoflora smell, what I ate for breakfast and my exercise regime…. You started the conversation, throw me a friggin bone!! Zoflora! Yeah, who knew by the end of 2020 we’d all have a favourite Zoflora 😂😂😂
Silenthunter Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 I tend not to open a conversation that way, as i wouldn't like it said to my ***, or other female family member, you can tell people you are a gentleman, bit if you have to, then you aren't, show you are.
Deleted Member Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 23 hours ago, Mattyy0099 said: LOL. i never use these tactics but would also say getting any response is invariably extremely unlikely. Those guys are clearly arseholes and they only deserve blocking. Anyone else that takes some time to say hello deserves some response. The only caveat to that is if you are smoking hot with a full informative profile you should expect some considered message. If you have a blank profile and no photo then perhaps "hello" is all you deserve , if you never have any intention of even replying "no thanks" ......🤔......think i might of veered off topic there. 😂😂😂 Block the arseholes ladies. X No-one "deserves some response" to an unsolicited message, however polite. I understand that's tough to hear but it's entitled to think that you deserve a response from a stranger on a site like this. All have the right to not respond. For whatever reason.
ey**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 23 hours ago, Mattyy0099 said: Anyone else that takes some time to say hello deserves some response there's a million reasons why there's no automatic entitlement to a response. But the lack of a response is all you need to know the answer is 'not interested'. The thing kinda... Guy > Puts in message they feel they've put effort into Recipient > "Sorry, thanks for the message but I'm not interested" And this should be the end of the conversation. But the amount of cases where the guy then either goes arsehole ("Fuck you slut", etc) or starts draining for a conversation, be it "can we at least talk" or pushing for some kinda feedback. So somebody's completely unsolicited approach then becomes a chore for the other person. 23 hours ago, Mattyy0099 said: . If you have a blank profile and no photo then perhaps "hello" is all you deserve And here is a question. Why is a guy messaging a lady with a blank profile and no photo *anyway* ? There's nothing about that profile where you can look and go, "Yeah - this person seems cool" There is something in the psyche of approaching a blank profile that reeks of desperation.
Du**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Yesterday at 06:55 AM, Mattyy0099 said: LOL. i never use these tactics but would also say getting any response is invariably extremely unlikely. Those guys are clearly arseholes and they only deserve blocking. Anyone else that takes some time to say hello deserves some response. The only caveat to that is if you are smoking hot with a full informative profile you should expect some considered message. If you have a blank profile and no photo then perhaps "hello" is all you deserve , if you never have any intention of even replying "no thanks" ......🤔......think i might of veered off topic there. 😂😂😂 Block the arseholes ladies. X Nope. No-one ‘deserves’ a response. Just because they “take the time” to message me does not entitle them to my time in replying. This is entitled thinking, and it leads to my second-most-hated behaviour which is the passive-aggressive follow-up: they send “Wanna chat?” and then an hour later they send “Bye then…” - F all the way off with that. Unspeakably rude and guaranteed to go straight in the bin. The fact that you think “smoking hot” profiles should “expect” a reply is very telling - I suspect you have a lot to learn about mature interactions. Fortunately you’re in the right place to find out.
Deleted Member Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 36 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said: Nope. No-one ‘deserves’ a response. Just because they “take the time” to message me does not entitle them to my time in replying. This is entitled thinking, and it leads to my second-most-hated behaviour which is the passive-aggressive follow-up: they send “Wanna chat?” and then an hour later they send “Bye then…” - F all the way off with that. Unspeakably rude and guaranteed to go straight in the bin. The fact that you think “smoking hot” profiles should “expect” a reply is very telling - I suspect you have a lot to learn about mature interactions. Fortunately you’re in the right place to find out. My reading of that comment was that he thought women with "smoking hot" profiles had to expect lots of messages. PS Hate the passive/aggressive thing too!
Du**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 18 minutes ago, Curvykate said: My reading of that comment was that he thought women with "smoking hot" profiles had to expect lots of messages. PS Hate the passive/aggressive thing too! Yes, on re-reading I agree with you. Although I’m not keen on the association of ‘smoking hot’ with any kind of ‘expectation’. We’re supposed to be the non-judgemental community! “She’s stunning, she must get loads of messages/have loads of attention/she won’t reply/she’s a bitch, just as I thought” - we need to be better than that. Better than the ‘vanilla’ sites.
Deleted Member Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 24 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said: Yes, on re-reading I agree with you. Although I’m not keen on the association of ‘smoking hot’ with any kind of ‘expectation’. We’re supposed to be the non-judgemental community! “She’s stunning, she must get loads of messages/have loads of attention/she won’t reply/she’s a bitch, just as I thought” - we need to be better than that. Better than the ‘vanilla’ sites. I really dislike men telling me what I should expect or accept anything as a general rule (not that I am in the smoking hot category!). They're not the ones receiving the messages. On another site I am getting unpleasant veering on abusive messages daily - someone I was chatting to said I just had to block and suck it up. Easy to say.
TheBookCollector Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Personally i dont expect a response from anyone. Is it frustrating, i.wont lie but yes it is, especially if youve taken time to write a message, but thats life.
Mattyy0099 Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Apologies to you if the term "smoking hot" was offensive. I asked myself if i meant it in the context of a 24yr old kitten and i truly believe this is not the case. When i looked at the profiles i have viewed i am definitely drawn to attractive photos. I'm talking about great photos that might only be a saucy glimpse of something that entices me. The term also crosses gender and i can see my peers with similar great photos. These are smoking hot. In comparison my own photo is quite lacking. What also adds to smoking hot is great text explaining what we want to find. So yes, tick those boxes and i expect those profiles to attract lots of attention and indeed messages. What is clear from looking at stats is that women receive more than they send and men send more than we receive. How needy we are? My wife and friends mock me for believing in the good of people and always end up disappointed when they turn out to be arseholes. They on the other hand get to be pleasantly surprised. If someone says hello to you in the street would you say hello back or just ignore them. I see DM as being no different and yes, if it is a polite hello the expectations are quite high that there is a hello back, regardless of who you are and what you are looking for. Rude messages should just lead to blocking, no response necessary.
Du**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Mattyy0099 said: Apologies to you if the term "smoking hot" was offensive. I asked myself if i meant it in the context of a 24yr old kitten and i truly believe this is not the case. When i looked at the profiles i have viewed i am definitely drawn to attractive photos. I'm talking about great photos that might only be a saucy glimpse of something that entices me. The term also crosses gender and i can see my peers with similar great photos. These are smoking hot. In comparison my own photo is quite lacking. What also adds to smoking hot is great text explaining what we want to find. So yes, tick those boxes and i expect those profiles to attract lots of attention and indeed messages. What is clear from looking at stats is that women receive more than they send and men send more than we receive. How needy we are? My wife and friends mock me for believing in the good of people and always end up disappointed when they turn out to be arseholes. They on the other hand get to be pleasantly surprised. If someone says hello to you in the street would you say hello back or just ignore them. I see DM as being no different and yes, if it is a polite hello the expectations are quite high that there is a hello back, regardless of who you are and what you are looking for. Rude messages should just lead to blocking, no response necessary. Your intentions are clearly excellent. However no, DMs are not like saying hello in the street.
ey**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 DM is less about a hello in the street but more about knocking on someone's door. Or, pushing a pizza menu through the door.
Mattyy0099 Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Call it what you like but is still sad for someone not to be bothered to reply to a message. My faith in human nature remains a punch bag. I'll call it a day on messaging on this subject which I'm sure you will be relieved to read.
Du**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 46 minutes ago, Mattyy0099 said: Call it what you like but is still sad for someone not to be bothered to reply to a message. My faith in human nature remains a punch bag. I'll call it a day on messaging on this subject which I'm sure you will be relieved to read. It would be better if you took it on board and reconsidered. Since the behaviour being described here is evidently unwelcome to women, and others, maybe it’s time to stop thinking “it’s rude to ignore” and start thinking “it’s their right to respond or not”. That’s how we improve society all round - by checking our position.
SexxyMoeFoe Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 On another site I posted a screenshot of a message I received that was pretty disrespectful and creepy. It was the first message from a guy going into detail about some things he wanted to do to me. I told the guy he was creepy and blocked him. I received a lot of positive rein***ment from most of the people on the site, but there were some guys who thought that I should be grateful for any message because most men don't get any... This is the WTF moment. That someone thinks rude, creepy or abusive behavior should be rewarded, and I shouldn't be so judgmental because the sender "took the time" to message me.
ey**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 5 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said: It would be better if you took it on board and reconsidered. Since the behaviour being described here is evidently unwelcome to women, and others, maybe it’s time to stop thinking “it’s rude to ignore” and start thinking “it’s their right to respond or not”. That’s how we improve society all round - by checking our position. going back... ooh, 8 years. One of the things I did is I spent a lot of time people watching online. I saw things guys grumbled about and the advice women gave them I saw some of the things women grumbled about And, I kinda used that as time and information to learn what sorts of behaviours and actions were not appreciated. Granted, of course, I don't get everything right - and - granted, I know I can send what I think is a good message and not get a response (in fact : the last person I messaged on any platform I didn't get a reply from.) But, taking the same actions and expecting different responses is the first sign of insanity!
Cu**** Posted August 23, 2021 Author Posted August 23, 2021 I think, given the amount of varied experiences mentioned here, that this is a golden opportunity to educate those people who are using tactless approaches, to offer appropriate reprimands to entitled assholes and improve that big thing that kink has over vanilla which is the depth of the communication we have cultivated. Sometimes when i get some of these i will take on the sender. I will say things like 'want to try that again' or 'you dont have my permission to address me as such'. Sometimes I get a genuine apology and this opens a dialogue allowing me to assist the person in better approaches. I did see someone mention something earlier about texf communication not being good because we cant see facial expressions etc. This is true. But unless you are in aus with your bestie, oi c*nt! Isnt a great conversation starter. Some people open this way because they are inexperienced in the lifestyle and think thats how its done. I challenge myself to change that culture of thinking.
ey**** Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Yeah, "no tone on the internet" is netiquette 101. so you then have to realise this with any message you send funnily enough... I got a "well someone didn't read my profile" message on another site earlier today when he called me "cutie" and "you're adorable" I replied, "Ah thanks. I scrub up well. Overdue a shave though at the minute" And actually, there's a little bit British slang in there as well as a little bit of my humour. He did then reply he's a bit slow when it comes to British English. Fair He's also slow at reading profiles (I mean, if nothing else the profile picture on that profile contains four visibly very different ladies...)
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