Submission Experiences

[Br****]

Apologies, as I am not sure if this already exists? I’ve had some lovely experiences and some less so getting into kink. It took me a while to realise that submission doesn’t mean dropping ALL my boundaries (I know, stupid mistake!), that communication is key, and that expressing what you are and are not happy with is a right that will be respected by a true Dominant. Sometimes I feel that submission can be quite an isolating and lonely experience in terms of not having ***rs (other submissives) to engage and learn with - is there any platform for this? And (probably a much asked question), what mantras do you more experienced submissives live your kinky lives by? : )

[ey****]

I think this is a good platform for ***ring with other submissives and finding their experiences and so on  

[ge****]

Regarding a platform for learning and engaging with other submissives - you're using one right now, and there are various others like it out there. Whilst the Internet has many downsides when it comes to this lifestyle, one of the positives is it has opened up the ability to interact with likeminded others, and provides a bountiful resource of all kinds of information to help shape your mind.

I wouldn't call myself experienced in a practical sense but over time I have learned that it's not about the kink as such, but about finding the right people to explore it with and that, for me anyway, is a rare thing. There is however no one single "right" way, so it comes down to finding what the right way is for you.

[ge****]

I typed out quite a long response but it appears to have disappeared 😕

Firstly sorry to hear of the bad experiences - but glad you are putting them down to just that and learning from them.

As eyem says sites likes this and others like it are a great platform for interacting with others, there are also a lot of very good blogs etc out there to help further your knowledge.

As for mantras - I wouldn't call myself experienced, but like to think I have a fair knowledge of the lifestyle - probably the biggest one is to keep an open mind at all times, and always remember there is no single "right way" only "your way" and don't be afraid to stand your ground over that, no matter what anyone else might tell you is the "right way" - there are of course some fundamental "wrong ways" that border on *** and worse but they're mostly obvious.

[Go****]

Hey I’m also a sub here, if you need a sub friend feel free to message me! :)

[Deleted Member]

Have you gone into the lobby? Lots of subs to chat with and make friends and connections.

[la****]

Hi! Submissive here who’d love to chat!

[jo****]

Pretty sure you can find some subs to talk with here. It saves you also a lot from figuring it out on your own. I noticed people in the public chat rooms. Were nice in general. And maybe this topic also helps.

[ma****]

I got into kink properly this year after years of missing out of being a practising (?the right term) submissive. I'm an experimentalist with some hard limits and many soft ones, and I am nervous of trying to stretch these limits. Another kinkster messaged me today after I asked her the same question as you. She said to communicate with your Dom/me. So, my current mantra is to explore my kinky fantasies, have fun with it and with the pro Domme I visit and gradually explore my limits. I hope this helps, but I wonder if more experienced subs have a similar or different mantra.

[Leisa]

Hi Bramble and welcome. Sounds like you’ve got a solid head on your shoulders. Let’s see if I can add anything. I have been a part of this community for more years then I care to admit some days. If you need anything please reach out. You can normally find me here or in the lobby during US evening hours. Feel free to reach out. Do not be in a rush to find a Dom but be willing to wait for the right one. Stick to your limits and don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty or less than for sticking to your guns. Always respect yourself and your choices — you’re the one who has to be able to look on the mirror and like what you see. As for connecting with and engaging other submissives the forum and the lobby are both great places. We have fun ***ing Dom/mes in both places. Most importantly have fun with it.

[Mr****]

Hi Bramble, you never have to drop your boundaries if you don’t want to; it doesn’t make you less submissive. Respect and communication between D/s is must, always. Rise a red flag if you meet a Dom and doesn’t ask you for your limits, your mind, goals as a sub, or your nature and instinct. Bdsm is giving everything (within limits) from both ways, an intimate exchange and enjoyable for both sides and minds.

[AKA_Copper]

I think everything you've described is a natural learning curve that most of us have gone through
Would it be nice if we didn't have to? Of course, but when you're new its hard to seek out other s types if you lack confidence to go on the chat/forums and the only messages you recieve are from D types. From that perspective it can feel pretty insular/isolating
I do think though that it can sometimes be useful to have experienced something, it can sometimes make you stronger
Plenty of comments here of people wanting to chat, im not hugely experienced but feel free to ping me a msg if you want
My only mantra is really; as long as there is consent and ethics, theres no one way to kink. People will say its not that simple but for me it is

[Deleted Member]

I am very new but all I know is saying No doesn’t make you less submissive and consent is everything irrespective of SD dynamic, and last but most important respect to each other through out the process is vital so is aftercare

[4R****]

5 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I think everything you've described is a natural learning curve that most of us have gone through
Would it be nice if we didn't have to? Of course, but when you're new its hard to seek out other s types if you lack confidence to go on the chat/forums and the only messages you recieve are from D types. From that perspective it can feel pretty insular/isolating
I do think though that it can sometimes be useful to have experienced something, it can sometimes make you stronger
Plenty of comments here of people wanting to chat, im not hugely experienced but feel free to ping me a msg if you want
My only mantra is really; as long as there is consent and ethics, theres no one way to kink. People will say its not that simple but for me it is

Consent and Ethics...... It absolutely is that simple!

But there is only one way to do kink....... "YOUR WAY!" Do what works for you. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean it's right for you..... and vice versa.

Whilst there might be certain things that have to be done a certain way (for safety reasons) most things can be mixed and matched and achieved in many different ways. The way that works for you, that's the right way - for you.

[pa****]

I really like reading these things as a Dom, both as a learning resource and as reassurance.
I'm not aware of any platform for experience sharing, or equivalent for Doms, other than simple word of mouth between friends. The aspect of loneliness applies to Doms just as much.

What i am aware of are (open) groups and platforms catering to education around BDSM and its practices.

[AKA_Copper]

3 hours ago, SirArchA said:

Consent and Ethics...... It absolutely is that simple!

But there is only one way to do kink....... "YOUR WAY!" Do what works for you. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean it's right for you..... and vice versa.

Whilst there might be certain things that have to be done a certain way (for safety reasons) most things can be mixed and matched and achieved in many different ways. The way that works for you, that's the right way - for you.

Others have suggested its not 🤷‍♀️

[4R****]

16 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Others have suggested its not 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately, there is a plethora of people within this community who have been around 6 months and think they know it all. They should be treated with the contempt they deserve. The only person who knows what is right for you, is you.

[pr****]

I have been a sub and had a few bad experiences initially when I started out. The thing is, everyone has limits and it's better to communicate with them before we commit to the act.
For example I've restrictions on public exhibition, so I'll tell him/her to what extent it is enjoyable for me. And most of the masters are very very responsive and understand my limits and don't try to push me

[Deleted Member]

R/submission is a good place.
It used to be just for pics but due to no moderation was repurposed as a place for subs to share their exp for this exact reason.

[Br****]

Thank you x In the past, I really struggled with knowing what is guidance to expand horizons versus manipulation? Sometimes the desire to please made me question my own limits. It’s taken time to learn that I set my own limits, for me, and en*** these myself. I think!

[Ro****]

My first time with daddy he’d told me to email him 3-5 detailed fantasies of mine and when he picked me up daddy told me one of the fantasies was going to come true.

[Deleted Member]

Smooth and beautiful @Bramblebryar

[Just_A_Good_Boy]

Hey @BrambleBryar I am also a new male sub and starting to get more into this, my messages are open and I have no problem just having a chat about things!

And as you said, submission is indeed not about just dropping all boundaries and limits and doing whatever the Dom wants, that lead to some very bad situations.

Everyone will have limits, some will enjoy certain things more than others, and if you aren't into a certain kink or fetish, or harder play style, that needs to be communicated right away. And if the Dom doesn't respect that, then it's time to run!

That said, there's nothing wrong with trying something new if you were both interested to see if you like it, but if it's something you are not comfortable with right now then it's best to ease into things.

In the end, it's meant to be enjoyable for both parties ^^

Good luck!

[im****]

I am an older women recently separated and wanting to learn more about kink, fetish, and D/s.

[im****]

I know a few things I like and don’t like. But not sure if they are hard or soft lines. Also trying to understand D/s rules etc.