How submissive are you?

[Deleted Member]

What do you say to this when it lands in your inbox?
I'm the uber submissive. Like, so submissive, that when I submit, you won't know what (didn't) hit you

Is there a scale I wasn't aware of for submissives? Like 0=Dominant; 10=Uber Submissive??

I get this question fired at me on a somewhat regular basis in my Fetlife inbox and I just don't know how to answer it.

I'm not a doormat. I don't submit to just anyone. I have a certain degree of sass (allegedly) and I'm fiercely independent (and I'm not giving that up for anyone).

So I struggle with an answer to that question.

All that said however, in a dynamic, with the right person, I love to please. I love to do the little things that make his day just that bit easier. Those things that make him smile when I do them, just because I wanted to make him happy.

I love it when he growls an order and grins that evil smile when I obey without a second thought. I get off on the *** he inflicts and what he gets out of inflicting it - my masochism is very closely linked to my submission.

My D-type becomes an integral part of my world. One of the first things I think of in the morning and last I think of at night. 'Yes, Sir' or 'Yes, Daddy' are things I love to be able to say. And I love to hear the opposite, whether that is 'my girl' or 'little bit' or some other personal name.

I can be super submissive. In a dynamic. With someone I trust. And have built up a connection with. With someone that takes the time to get to know me. I'm as submissive as I want and need to be; as submissive as my D-type wants and needs me to be.

So if you're thinking of asking me that question...maybe think again. Because as far as I know, there isn't a scale to measure submission by, and nor should there be.

[CopperKnob]

Generally, I'll claim not to be because, anyone asking me how submissive I am is clearly telling me, without a shadow of a doubt, that they have 0 awareness as to how D/s actually works

[Deleted Member]

Completely agree!!

[Deleted Member]

I think a more sensible question could be where you see yourself in respect to the impact a dynamic could have on your life, i.e. whether you are looking for a 24/7 dynamic or want to enjoy play times together but leave it at that or anything in between. But even to ask this early on seems pointless as most of us will have laid out basic preferences on our profiles, but also, what I am looking for surely can change depending on the partner. How would I ever be able to give a specific and more importantly unshakeable description of how I am, what I am willing to do or what I am looking for to someone I haven't even met yet. So why jump right to the end result if you can develop an understanding through simply getting to know the person in front of you? Where is this rush coming from? I see this in a lot of conversations, this impatience to let something develop and take it's course. Strange one. 

[Vi****]

Good question which I think I can answer to not very. I'm new to this community and I've been trying to figure out my likes amd dislikes. I see so much information on doms and subs, I took a quiz and came out 100% switch. I get guys messaging I want to be your dom, erm no thanks.
I find it so fascinating as I prefer to dominate more then be submissive, I could never truly give up to someone. I prefer to be in charge.
How.does it feel for you to give up totally control, I just can't imagine myself ever wanting too. But I bet its liberating too.

[ey****]

Anyone asking the question has no real idea about D/s and they're presenting it as a challenge.

That among anything else that even if you have the potential to be the subiest sub ever - it isn't going to be from day 1 in a relationship and certainly not with some rando from the internet.

On top of that, submission isn't a competition - it's to be enjoyed by both partners to a level you both feel comfortable with.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Vic1077 said:

Good question which I think I can answer to not very. I'm new to this community and I've been trying to figure out my likes amd dislikes. I see so much information on doms and subs, I took a quiz and came out 100% switch. I get guys messaging I want to be your dom, erm no thanks.
I find it so fascinating as I prefer to dominate more then be submissive, I could never truly give up to someone. I prefer to be in charge.
How.does it feel for you to give up totally control, I just can't imagine myself ever wanting too. But I bet its liberating too.

There's no right answer as to what you are. If you're switch - awesome! Dom? Awesome! Sub? Awesome! That's the beauty of it all - something for everyone.

How it feels for me? I'm not sure there's enough space or time for me to put it into words. Euphoria. Bliss. Safety. Comfort. Happiness. Hot af. And yes, liberating. But there are so many more things I could say about it!!

[ge****]

It strikes me as a very lazy ice breaker type comment to be honest - and one that if it were asked of me would immediately have me on my guard - the simple answer to someone that doesn't know me would be "not very submissive at all to you".

In fact for me to "be submissive" I have to "feel submissive" to the person concerned and that in itself takes me knowing them as a person first and a potential dominant second.

[Vi****]

Just today I've had several messages asking me this, even though in my description I out I like to be the dominant one overall. Definitely lazy .

[Vi****]

*put

[ge****]

1 minute ago, Vic1077 said:

Just today I've had several messages asking me this, even though in my description I out I like to be the dominant one overall. Definitely lazy .

Well I just got called "Sir" by a random so it happens all ways round - but yeah profile reading is a skill many of the type to send such messages are lacking

[ge****]

Although I only have myself to blame I guess as I don't use filters so anyone can message me!!

[Ae****]

I think submissiveness can involve how agreeable you are
So, if was asking this question, I'd love for a sub to do her best to answer it enthusiastically and happily, with her best attempt at an explanation.

I would not want her thinking to herself, "I can't believe he asked such a basic question. I need to make an announcement to all doms that they need to think again before asking ME this from now on".

I'd be kinda disappointed if a sub was thinking this way with me.

I probably wouldn't click with a girl like that, and if I missed out, I'm very ok with that. I want a sweet, enthusiastic, polite, kind sub, and I don't think that kinda girl would look down on me for asking a pretty normal question.