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Questionnaire to help a sub learn more about her/his needs


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I constructed this questionnaire after meeting a submissive who said she had read a lot but lacked experience. Naturally, I put her at her ease and tried to tease out what she was seeking. Afterwards she wrote back and said I was far too nice! She wanted someone who would show aggression and humiliate her. Care and nurture were unnecessary. I hope this helps both Dom(me)s and subs when they are at the beginning of an potential play partnership or relationship

In describing yourself as a submissive or having submissive tendencies, tick any of the following which apply to yourself.

a) I strive to please, serve and be an obedient submissive.
b) I want someone I can look up to who will tell me what to do.
c) I need to know my partner can control me and will punish me as necessary
d) I enjoy the Dominant Daddy/ little girl/boy dynamic and appreciate nurture as well as strictness
e) I do not seek affection, preferring someone who can be sadistic as my Dominant. Touchy feely is not for me
f) Dom / sub is not a sexual thing for me. It is about power and control.
g) Ideally the D/s is combined with intimacies and can lead to a sexual relationship.
h) I am a bit of a brat and need someone who doesn’t hesitate to discipline me as necessary
i) I am a submissive masochist.
j) Although submissive, I am not into ***.
k) I am turned on by a confident, dominant man/woman.
l) I prefer someone close to my own age
m) A significant age difference can give credibility to the dynamic.
n) Age is not relevant. It is the personality and the air of authority I seek.
o) I am looking for an exclusive relationship.
p) I am looking for a non-exclusive D/s dynamic
q) I am not interested in also doing vanilla things like walks, movies or meals out
r) I particularly want to combine D/s with vanilla things couples do together
s) I am tactile and enjoy intimacy within D/s play
t) I love intimate caresses during a spanking or between spanks.
u) I am into / not into role play ( scrub out to make the sentence work for you)
v) Special and fetish clothing enhances the D/s dynamic
w) I need to build up trust steadily and would always want a safe word.
x) I am an experienced submissive, so we can allow things to develop naturally.
y) I am inexperienced and want my dominant to train me and also be patient as a mentor
z) I need to know my dominant respects me as a person.
aa) My dominant should humiliate me to keep me in my place
bb) I want us to meet with others in the bdsm community
cc) Our play sessions are purely private
dd) It is important that my dominant can also enjoy the vanilla role with my friends and family
ee) Although I am only submissive with my dominant, I can switch with others
ff) I am bisexual and my dominant must respect this.
gg) It is important that my dominant and I discuss appropriate levels of intensity and which implements are unacceptable.
hh) It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for disciplinary purposes.
ii) It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for teasing, affection or intimacy.
jj) It is important that my dominant respects my hard limits
kk) If things progress to a full relationship, we will respect each other’s families and always present as a vanilla couple when in their company.
ll) I am more interested in the psychological aspects of BDSM than the physical aspects.
mm) I crave an intensity of sensation and emotion. Eg I can be profoundly moved by a ***ting, a piece of Music , touch or impact play?
nn) In terms of impact play, if 1 is so gentle as to barely be felt and 10 is so hard that I couldn’t bear more than a couple of swats of that intensity, which would be your preferred range of 4 or 5 numbers for impact play purposes? a) 1-5 b)4-8 or c)6-10
oo) Whilst much of the D/s dynamic excites me, it is important that my dominant discusses with me which areas of my body he can touch or use for his pleasure.
pp) I accept that, whilst we are together, my dominant owns me and can use my body for various purposes to humiliate me, his own pleasure or check on my complete obedience. This may include squeezing, slapping, touching me intimately or attempting to arouse me after instructing me to refrain from allowing myself to simply go with the flow.
qq) I enjoy being restrained, rope work and am comfortable experimenting with bondage.
rr) I enjoy the following implements 1) the flogger used rhythmically 2)Leather tawse, and straps 3) the belt 4) wooden paddles 5) the cane
ss) I am open to anal play
tt) I am open to latex and or hoods
uu) I am open to water sports
vv) I am comfortable being photographed or taking photos of myself partially clothed or naked.
ww) I like the idea of the dominant being smartly dressed whilst I am partly clothed or unclothed.

The idea is for the submissive to complete the questionnaire , writing the letters of the statements which apply so that the Dom(me) can then write a pen portrait of the submissive. If the Dom(me)’s interpretation is accurate according to the submissive, there is then much potential between the pair.


I like this idea. It helps both the Dom and the sub understand what both are offering and expecting.

What a helpfull list! Thank you for sharing
  • 2 weeks later...
I wanna put these bitd tgat link to me in my bio but eba typing it 😂
3 hours ago, BratSwitch3012 said:
I wanna put these bitd tgat link to me in my bio but eba typing it 😂

If I've translated that correctly it's that you want to put those, or those that apply to you, in your bio, but can't be arsed typing it out?

If so, why not just (with the OP's permission of course) copy and paste it?


Hi there, 
 If you complete the questionnaire and don't mind sending me a copy, I will do my best to join the dots and write a short bio of the person the questionnaire suggests you are. You can then use it or edit it as you see fit. Usually, when I have done this for friends and / or novice subs, they have felt my analysis was accurate. 

Best wishes,  S 

This is very useful. Thank you for sharing
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