Dating IS hard. For ALL genders

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Aranhis said:

I mean, you will understand exactly why I managed to laugh through my nose and nearly *** at the same time when I read the ice cream part of your original post 🙈👀

It's been a while since i had icecream

[Deleted Member]

I'm pretty consistent about this. My opinion is that for 99% of us, modern day dating sites and apps like POF, Tinder  this very site and much more simply don't work. Why that is, well that's another very long discussion entirely on it's own.

[ey****]

there's a lot I find interesting about modern dating in general and whether this is good or bad is subjective

50 years ago you were most likely to marry someone from an immediate locality.  Someone who maybe lived or grew up in the same area, a lot of 'childhood sweethearts', from a family friend or because you went to the same church

of course (and something I've touched on before) there was a lot more pressure on both men and women to have relationships and marry - men for their careers ("a good family man") and women cos, well, they couldn't open a bank account or go to a bar on their own.

obviously, of course, there was no internet then either.

Now, of course, there's a lot less of 'family friend' for meeting partners (which honestly feels like an arranged marriage) and a rising number of lasting relationships who met online - but "met online" doesn't necessarily mean "online dating" - I personally still see more value in passive connections - I still think it'd be good and interesting to see what happened if there was some form of organised forum meet.  Who would gravitate to who? Who would end up playing together? Who would want to punch me (and not in a fun way) ?and that in itself would unfold by how people feel they're connected and know each other.

[se****]

This has been mentioned by others. Recently, alot of men are approaching me when they know they are not my type. Noticed alot of people set themselves for failures, then blames others. Example: A profile says "looking for between 18 to 30 year olds", then why would I send a message?. I am 48 years old.🤔, or looking for "horny slut ready to Gangbang"... not into gangbang. Then get very angry... everybody is fake!!😠

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, kiseu said:

This has been mentioned by others. Recently, alot of men are approaching me when they know they are not my type. Noticed alot of people set themselves for failures, then blames others. Example: A profile says "looking for between 18 to 30 year olds", then why would I send a message?. I am 48 years old.🤔, or looking for "horny slut ready to Gangbang"... not into gangbang. Then get very angry... everybody is fake!!😠

The thing is, there's a huge number of profiles from women that basically have nothing besides a couple photos and maybe the BDSM quiz. Worse yet I have read multiple profiles where the woman lists contradictory things(they are into bondage but have bondage as a limit? wut?). So I completely agree that men who disregard information that is given is in poor taste(and it's not something I have ever done) but the issue is far beyond that. 

[CopperKnob]

The post honestly wasn't about apportioning blame to any gender/anything. It was literally a parody to the posts that are regularly seen in the forums (and in truth they are typically written by males) and highlighting that all genders in the dating pool experience the same issues. Nothing more, nothing less.

[ge****]

25 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Nothing more, nothing less.

Love is the best 😊 

[se****]

@CopperKnob... Das ist richtig. Vielen Dank.🤗💖

[Deleted Member]

There is always imbalances. Often in life men actually have it worse than women, and its widely accepted by society as a norm.

[CopperKnob]

18 minutes ago, kiseu said:

@CopperKnob... Das ist richtig. Vielen Dank.🤗💖

Gerne geschehen

[CopperKnob]

11 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

There is always imbalances. Often in life men actually have it worse than women, and its widely accepted by society as a norm.

I think they're just more vocal about it, here at least

[ge****]

17 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

There is always imbalances. Often in life men actually have it worse than women, and its widely accepted by society as a norm.

I'd be interested to know where you think men have it worse than women specifically?
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Certainly not on sites like this they don't - some may think they do because they don't understand how the sites work, and have unrealistic expectations as a result - that's not men having it worse, just men not understanding or making the effort to make it better for themselves.
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I'm honestly struggling to think of any area of life that men have it worse in all honesty - and that's not me trying to be right on and side with women, I genuinely don't - whereas I can think of numerous examples where women not necessarily have it worse, but face struggles and difficulties that men don't.

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I'd be interested to know where you think men have it worse than women specifically?
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Certainly not on sites like this they don't - some may think they do because they don't understand how the sites work, and have unrealistic expectations as a result - that's not men having it worse, just men not understanding or making the effort to make it better for themselves.
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I'm honestly struggling to think of any area of life that men have it worse in all honesty - and that's not me trying to be right on and side with women, I genuinely don't - whereas I can think of numerous examples where women not necessarily have it worse, but face struggles and difficulties that men don't.

You white knight you! 😂
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I can think of one. They get rejected/blocked after sending one message and they honestly don't know why.
And it's really and truly down to their own behaviour. I and others have posted in the forums giving real life examples as to what we receive from 'men' and I can absolutely, no word of a lie say, that we don't post the worst of the worst.

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I think they're just more vocal about it, here at least

Check out any dating forum which isn't heavily moderated, there's basically universal agreement online dating heavily favors women for multiple reasons and most men(average) are better off not using it. The main problem women face is the paradox of choice where too many options becomes overwhelming. 

Women here complaining about boring messages only complain because they get a lot of them - but suppose they didn't(as in get many messages at all), would the complaint still hold? The paradox of choice is their biggest challenge. 

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

Check out any dating forum which isn't heavily moderated, there's basically universal agreement online dating heavily favors women for multiple reasons and most men(average) are better off not using it. The main problem women face is the paradox of choice where too many options becomes overwhelming. 

Women here complaining about boring messages only complain because they get a lot of them - but suppose they didn't(as in get many messages at all), would the complaint still hold? The paradox of choice is their biggest challenge. 

The 'complaint' is not that the msg's are 'boring' it's that they're disgusting and0 disrespectful
When I receive a message that's crude, not taking into account anything I've bothered to write on my profile or in the forums and lsits all of the individuals wants it tells me all I need to know about what a relationship with that individual will entail whether that be an acquainyance, friendship or more
Why would I respond to that?

[ey****]

there's stuff that one demographic has, or might feel they have, worse than another

but, there's stuff we as men will never ever have to go through.  
But if I don't get too wider society... if we say kink or dating.   

If I made a bet with a woman over who could have the most hook-up sex by next weekend; and we both dropped all standards and accepted every offer - she would win : but...

I mean first off a lot of these offers she gets might be the other side of the country, or another continent and the person expect her to do the travelling... so maybe we'll drop that from the criteria

Anyway - so certainly we will limit this fictitious challenge to our respective localities - she's still going to get the most offers, of course so we'd say this means that she has it easier

But

It might be at the end of the week she's slept with 10 guys and everything is fine

But if in one of those cases she actually says "you know what, no" (guy is an arse, unhygienic, has a Manowar poster in his bedroom, whatever) and he ***s her to anyway...   if she ends up pregnant... if she contracts an STI... then she will be blamed for sleeping around

Hell, it could even be that people are disgusted she slept with 10 guys in a week - whereas if I slept with 10 women in a week - I'd be lauded as some form of legend.
And if something bad happened to me, people would be more likely to sympathise.  

And ditto for kink play - I've never seen a man blamed for not vetting partners properly; but have seen plenty of women blamed for the same.    So, aware of this, a lot of women take extra vetting, extra precaution so on - and are then blamed for not putting out enough or not giving guys a chance or whatever.

 

[Ar****]

6 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

there's basically universal agreement online dating heavily favors women for multiple reasons and most men(average) are better off not using it. The main problem women face is the paradox of choice where too many options becomes overwhelming.

I'm sure somebody already brought up this very nonsense this week and had to have it explained for the bollocks it is?

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

You white knight you! 😂
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I can think of one. They get rejected/blocked after sending one message and they honestly don't know why.
And it's really and truly down to their own behaviour. I and others have posted in the forums giving real life examples as to what we receive from 'men' and I can absolutely, no word of a lie say, that we don't post the worst of the worst.

I refer the honourable lady to my second paragraph and respectfully poo poo her assertion that it is indeed an example worthy of anything more than a derisive snort (not at you but those that genuinely believe it).
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Sorry can't stop, my noble steed awaits...clippety clop 😃😀🤣

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I'd be interested to know where you think men have it worse than women specifically?

A specific example as requested from a gentleman in the UK. I thought I was going bald years ago. Later turned out I wasn't and it was actually extreme stress. Anyway I had researched what treatments were available for men then visited my Doctor. Nothing available for men (funding cuts) and it was pretty much doc saying suck it up, lots of men go bald. If I were a women it was however a different circumstance and there was treatment available via the NHS. Men have mental health too, and badness impacts mens mental health too.

Edited July 2, 2022 by Deleted Member
Phone changed word

[ey****]

1 minute ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

badness impacts mens mental health too.

you can actually get treatment from the NHS if you can prove it's mental health and not vanity

and you can get treatment privately easily enough

[ey****]

13 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

The paradox of choice is their biggest challenge. 

imagine you are vegetarian

you go to a restaurant

their choices are beef, lamb, pork, chicken, fish

none of which are what you want

you ask if there's any choices explaining what you like

they offer you a bland jacket potato with beans

-

men think women should just suck it up and have the bland jacket potato with beans, even though it's boring and not what they want

men then get angry that women just go elsewhere or do without rather than accepting a lacklustre option

if you have 100 choices but they're all shit sandwiches, then is it really a choice?

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

I'm sure somebody already brought up this very nonsense this week and had to have it explained for the bollocks it is?

Every analysis of online dating that has been done supports my position. Even women are astonished how difficult it is to get matches on Tinder when they make a fake male profile. You can complain about poor quality interactions which women get(sure) but that's still one level better than no interaction which is the case for the majority of men who OLD and I say this as someone who is reasonably successful at OLDing(though not here). Good luck if you're a fat lower-class man who's 5'6. 

[Deleted Member]

Just now, eyemblacksheep said:

you can actually get treatment from the NHS if you can prove it's mental health and not vanity

and you can get treatment privately easily enough

Didn't realise you were also a NHS services expert too 😉. I did refer yo the mental health impact at that time mads no diff.

And private treatment available for men you say (at a cost), its promoting gender inequality to me.

[ge****]

19 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

Check out any dating forum which isn't heavily moderated, there's basically universal agreement online dating heavily favors women for multiple reasons and most men(average) are better off not using it. The main problem women face is the paradox of choice where too many options becomes overwhelming. 

Women here complaining about boring messages only complain because they get a lot of them - but suppose they didn't(as in get many messages at all), would the complaint still hold? The paradox of choice is their biggest challenge. 

This "universal agreement" you speak of is I suspect all from men? Having been around sites like this for a number of years I don't think on-line dating favours any gender at all, or any "type" - everyone, regardless of gender, has their problems and issues to overcome with it, and they may vary based on gender, but to a greater or lesser extent those problems and issues are within their own control.
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It's just that many men fail to recognise or accept that they can do something to improve their chances and it's all within their control, by resetting their expectations and attitude, finding approaches that work, putting some effort into their profiles and basically selling themselves better - add respect, consideration and the right attitude into that mix and it won't guarantee a thing, but it *will* improve both the perception and experience.
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And whilst women can't stop the undesirable messages that flood their mailboxes daily, they can guard themselves against it by using filters and the block button liberally, they shouldn't have to, but those tools are there.
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In summary it's entirely feasible for *anyone* to meet others through sites like this, and indeed dating sites, and it's all in their own hands to control.

[CopperKnob]

13 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

A specific example as requested from a gentleman in the UK. I thought I was going bald years ago. Later turned out I wasn't and it was actually extreme stress. Anyway I had researched what treatments were available for men then visited my Doctor. Nothing available for men (funding cuts) and it was pretty much doc saying suck it up, lots of men go bald. If I were a women it was however a different circumstance and there was treatment available via the NHS. Men have mental health too, and badness impacts mens mental health too.

Now we're going off topic but if we're listing the various gender differences, in addition to that which Eyem has said;
Until recently, individuals with female reproductive systems had to pay tax on sanitary products
Currently women who are peri/menopausal and experiencing a loss of labido can't get testosterone, which will help, via the NHS (I'll qualify that by saying my area) men experiencing the same can get viagra on the NHS. Hell, often peri/menopausal women are told to 'get on with it' despite the dramatic affect upon the emotional/physical health
Knowing I never wanted kids, i asked in my 30's for a hysterectomy. I was told no, i'd change my mind and what if my partner wanted kids. Very different for guys wanting a vasectomy.
It's probably best that we don't mention the removal of RvW in the US
I could go all night