Wife cheated…again

[on****]

So 2 years ago I caught my wife hanging out with another man( her friend told me) and when I confronted her she just said they talked. I don’t believe it. Started having trust issues. Hate myself for doing this but I went through her phone and saw messages that were flirty with another man. She promised not to ever do it again. Once again I believed her. 2 days ago I saw a video on her phone and let’s just say I wasn’t the man in it. Broke my heart. Just lost 8 years of my life.

[so****]

Leave that bitch right now. File for divorce tomorrow morning. I personally do not tolerate adultery. If you want promiscuity, then be in a poly relationship. But if you're monogamous, ESPECIALLY if you're married, then I expect nothing but 100% commitment. Leave her asap. I'm deeply ***ed by hearing this. This is a sensitive topic for me. Infidelity & adultery are 2 of the worst ***s one can inflict on another person. I hope you can work through it with as much ease as possible. I'm here anytime if you ever need to talk. Just hit me up. Good luck 🌹

[Footking247]

Sorry to hear that stay strong and don't go back to that situation

[Deleted Member]

Tough situation, this is a serious undermining of your confidence. Good luck and lots of wisdom

[Sl****]

Once a cheater always a cheater

[Nylon-Nellie]

Cheaters soon get found out, I for one despise cheaters, whether they are a man or woman. Deal with it and move on. Not all women are cheaters :)

[Th****]

This ain’t the platform to cry over a dirtbag hoe especially if your Married if the bitch easily goes to other people after you have all that invested the bitch is no good anyway

[Deleted Member]

Make yourself a doormat then you have to expect to get walked all over

[Leisa]

I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s much better to find out now before you lose even more time.

[Deleted Member]

Her loss .. even if you don't cheat on your woman , make sure she knows you got options and you will have them all the time . This will make her think twice before being dumb and cheat .

[ey****]

56 minutes ago, M-Sorin said:

Her loss .. even if you don't cheat on your woman , make sure she knows you got options and you will have them all the time . This will make her think twice before being dumb and cheat .

no - this will breed her own insecurities and trust and may even lead her to find "options"

this kinda bullshit also isn't fair on those you consider "options" 

like, it sucks to be cheated on - but if someone already thinks you're thinking of the next move that doesn't instill loyalty in them either.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, M-Sorin said:

Her loss .. even if you don't cheat on your woman , make sure she knows you got options and you will have them all the time . This will make her think twice before being dumb and cheat .

So you like to keep your partner in constant *** you will cheat or leave them at anytime, because, you have a line of options, just waiting to take her place & you want to completely undermine her self esteem, confidence & worth & mess with her psychologically & emotionally to keep her as yours...

 

You should put that on your profile, im sure you will have all the options you want queuing up begging to be yours

 

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Most cheaters will always be cheaters. They will never change. Complaining, threats, games or the danger of ending a relationship will never change them. Another member mentioned "If they cheat, will most likely play games too". Do you know who is number 1 for them? They are number 1 for them!!

[Deleted Member]

😅 it means to show confidence ... I said in the first sentence" even if you don't cheat " . The partner doesn't have to live in *** , but the partner needs to understand that life without them ain't a bad thing ..but since I've seen some" offended experts "here , please advice other men to be just Nice with no balls .. we all know what happens to Nice dudes .

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, M-Sorin said:

we all know what happens to Nice dudes .

they're winners before the game even begins?

[Deleted Member]

Undoubtedly, the effort and care a genuine man puts into a relationships it is enormous. That's why you need to value that more and don't let others take it ... thank you for confirming why I have this attitude and confidence.. because I was "just a nice guy" .. and now I am still nice but also more sharp in decisions and still a winner .

[ey****]

Ultimately there are a lot of reasons why people cheat and how someone else feels about it can vary (and might also depend on the reason)

if someone feels you are not committed to them then it increases the chances they will cheat.  

Though - of course in most cases the person being cheated on hasn't done anything wrong - the other person feel you're not fully committed, invested or distant (or already seeking other alternatives) isn't going to keep them faithful

Equally, I think no matter how confident you are - no matter how much you are certain you could be happy without someone - it does have to sting a bit if it's a partner of 8 years.  

I hope the two can resolve things - a lot of the whole context is missing and the OP wouldn't be a mug if he thought things could be repaired and the two could - but - alas, if trust is gone it's not weakness or an easy option to end the relationship either 

[BruiseWayne]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I hope the two can resolve things - a lot of the whole context is missing and the OP wouldn't be a mug if he thought things could be repaired and the two could - but - alas, if trust is gone it's not weakness or an easy option to end the relationship either 

I certainly understand the urge to want to do that, but this has ALREADY happened twice that he knows about. There could very possibly, even likely, be other times she cheated too, he just happened to have busted her this time. The guy is only going to be setting himself up for even more heartache and disappointment if he gives her a 3rd chance... It's best to just move on.

 

 

[ey****]

ending the relationship would also be a resolution

 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

I certainly understand the urge to want to do that, but this has ALREADY happened twice that he knows about. There could very possibly, even likely, be other times she cheated too, he just happened to have busted her this time. The guy is only going to be setting himself up for even more heartache and disappointment if he gives her a 3rd chance... It's best to just move on.

 

 

I agree with you, but it is easily said than done. It depends on the situation. I have been in situations, it was obvious the guy was not interested in me, but gave more chances. I left, BUT it should have been sooner!! Sometimes, they can't leave, because of ***, ***, family or other reasons. There are times you just have to accept they will cheat, and leave it as is.🤷‍♀️ If the person can't or won't leave, because still deeply loving the person, maybe they should think of an open relationship as an option... like a member said. Crap, I can't keep track who said what in all the forums.😅 If this is not possible, then he should REALLY focus on making himself happy! I heard of few people accepting their partners will always cheat.

[BruiseWayne]

4 hours ago, kiseu said:

I agree with you, but it is easily said than done. It depends on the situation. I have been in situations, it was obvious the guy was not interested in me, but gave more chances. I left, BUT it should have been sooner!! Sometimes, they can't leave, because of ***, ***, family or other reasons. There are times you just have to accept they will cheat, and leave it as is.🤷‍♀️ If the person can't or won't leave, because still deeply loving the person, maybe they should think of an open relationship as an option... like a member said. Crap, I can't keep track who said what in all the forums.😅 If this is not possible, then he should REALLY focus on making himself happy! I heard of few people accepting their partners will always cheat.

Oh yeah it's definitely easier for us to dole out advice as outside observers. None of us are as emotionally attached to this situation as they are so it's easier for us to have a cool head about things. I can only go off of whatever info the OP has given us here though. If there's some extra context that would change the situation any, they should add that. Otherwise I can only comment on what I see, right?

 

I get what you're saying about kids etc too, and that's fine because kids usually wind up doing better in two parent households, so it could be worth it for that, but just accepting the fact that your partner doesn't fundamentally respect you, and just accepting they're going to continue to hurt you is not something I would recommend to anyone. You're only setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until you reach your breaking point, and by then it's probably too late anyway. Also I know a lot of people try to have open relationships as a way to fix some other problem in their marriage, but from what I've seen that rarely works out because you need to have a very strong foundation between you and your primary partner to be able to do that successfully in the first place. I would hardly call one person cheating on the other solid ground, ya know?

 

Sadly there's always some underlying issue that's causing all the trouble in the first place, and doing new and exciting things to spice up the relationship only works until the novelty of it wears off, and then you're right back where you were, looking for the next new and exciting thing. Nobody ever wants to tackle the issue head on so they create all these distractions like open relationships, or trying kink, threesomes, w/e, and it's only putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. Not to say that something like that hasn't worked for some folks in the past, but IMHO they're rare anomalies.

 

There's nothing that's going to repair a relationship like this aside from counseling. Or, like you said, just living with it. Which isn't a good idea in most cases outside of ones with kids involved ( and even then it might not be worth it ) for the simple fact that one person in the relationship proceeds to get walked all over for the rest of their lives because once you're willing to accept and condone something like this they then have carte blanche to treat you as badly as they like, and I gotta tell you, NO ONE is THAT awesome or amazing or The One enough for you to let them do that to you.

Edited August 2, 2022 by BruiseWayne
just a word or two, boo. :)

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

Oh yeah it's definitely easier for us to dole out advice as outside observers. None of us are as emotionally attached to this situation as they are so it's easier for us to have a cool head about things. I can only go off of whatever info the OP has given us here though. If there's some extra context that would change the situation any, they should add that. Otherwise I can only comment on what I see, right?

 

I get what you're saying about kids etc too, and that's fine because kids usually wind up doing better in two parent households, so it could be worth it for that, but just accepting the fact that your partner doesn't fundamentally respect you, and just accepting they're going to continue to hurt you is not something I would recommend to anyone. You're only setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until you reach your breaking point, and by then it's probably too late anyway. Also I know a lot of people try to have open relationships as a way to fix some other problem in their marriage, but from what I've seen that rarely works out because you need to have a very strong foundation between you and your primary partner to be able to do that successfully in the first place. I would hardly call one person cheating on the other solid ground, ya know?

 

Sadly there's always some underlying issue that's causing all the trouble in the first place, and doing new and exciting things to spice up the relationship only works until the novelty of it wears off, and then you're right back where you were, looking for the next new and exciting thing. Nobody ever wants to tackle the issue head on so they create all these distractions like open relationships, or trying kink, threesomes, w/e, and it's only putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. Not to say that something like that hasn't worked for some folks in the past, but IMHO they're rare anomalies.

 

There's nothing that's going to repair a relationship like this aside from counseling. Or, like you said, just living with it. Which isn't a good idea in most cases outside of ones with kids involved ( and even then it might not be worth it ) for the simple fact that one person in the relationship proceeds to get walked all over for the rest of their lives because once you're willing to accept and condone something like this they then have carte blanche to treat you as badly as they like, and I gotta tell you, NO ONE is THAT awesome or amazing or The One enough for you to let them do that to you.

Everything you said is correct, But...

I have seen people living seperate lives, and being there for the kids.

There are alot couples only to put up with cheating, because of ***!! Their *** is heavily invested in their house, investments, retirement, other properties or one person does not have enough to live "stay above waters" alone. If ending, it will have a HUGE financial loss. Yes, there is no respect... but, you got to do what you got to do!!  

Some cheaters are born this way. There is no reason. It is their style, and enjoy it. The only reason they get into a partnership is security, or getting old (loosing their looks or finesse). Alot believe it is forever... NOT!!☝️

I do need to mention this. If I know a person is cheating... I keep distance, and leave it as is. Everybody has their own life style. I am not Ms. PERFECT either!!🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

Oh yeah it's definitely easier for us to dole out advice as outside observers. None of us are as emotionally attached to this situation as they are so it's easier for us to have a cool head about things. I can only go off of whatever info the OP has given us here though. If there's some extra context that would change the situation any, they should add that. Otherwise I can only comment on what I see, right?

 

I get what you're saying about kids etc too, and that's fine because kids usually wind up doing better in two parent households, so it could be worth it for that, but just accepting the fact that your partner doesn't fundamentally respect you, and just accepting they're going to continue to hurt you is not something I would recommend to anyone. You're only setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until you reach your breaking point, and by then it's probably too late anyway. Also I know a lot of people try to have open relationships as a way to fix some other problem in their marriage, but from what I've seen that rarely works out because you need to have a very strong foundation between you and your primary partner to be able to do that successfully in the first place. I would hardly call one person cheating on the other solid ground, ya know?

 

Sadly there's always some underlying issue that's causing all the trouble in the first place, and doing new and exciting things to spice up the relationship only works until the novelty of it wears off, and then you're right back where you were, looking for the next new and exciting thing. Nobody ever wants to tackle the issue head on so they create all these distractions like open relationships, or trying kink, threesomes, w/e, and it's only putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. Not to say that something like that hasn't worked for some folks in the past, but IMHO they're rare anomalies.

 

There's nothing that's going to repair a relationship like this aside from counseling. Or, like you said, just living with it. Which isn't a good idea in most cases outside of ones with kids involved ( and even then it might not be worth it ) for the simple fact that one person in the relationship proceeds to get walked all over for the rest of their lives because once you're willing to accept and condone something like this they then have carte blanche to treat you as badly as they like, and I gotta tell you, NO ONE is THAT awesome or amazing or The One enough for you to let them do that to you.

This popped in my head. There is this guy... he was born a cheater. It destroyed his marriage. Now, if he is interested in a woman... he is honest to say "Not Mono". He has a main girlfriend and other special friends. I respect this man for his honesty.👍

[BruiseWayne]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

This popped in my head. There is this guy... he was born a cheater. It destroyed his marriage. Now, if he is interested in a woman... he is honest to say "Not Mono". He has a main girlfriend and other special friends. I respect this man for his honesty.👍

Okay but it's definitely possible to be in a non-monogamous or poly relationship and still be doing things behind peoples' backs you're not supposed to too. Cheating doesn't only happen in strictly monogamous relationships. You can be poly or whatever else and still cheat or get cheated on. Really it just comes down to whether or not you're the kind of person that's willing to break your partners' trust and be dishonest in that kind of way.

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

Okay but it's definitely possible to be in a non-monogamous or poly relationship and still be doing things behind peoples' backs you're not supposed to too. Cheating doesn't only happen in strictly monogamous relationships.

absolutely

there will be rules and boundaries which people agree to and feel acceptable

that among anything else if you cannot tell a partner that you are meeting up with another, or a potential playmate, or some such there's something flawed in the communication