Playing Dominant

[BacknBoise]

I am new to this lifestyle but I’ve had dominant tendencies all my life.

I was introduced to this by someone and that was a full on slave and I enjoyed the little time we spent together before I moved

It was an awesome experience and I realize what I’ve been missing for so long

I have only had a few partners and although I do use safe words and we discuss before hand what’s going to happen, I struggle with some of things that women like and that I kind of want to do. 

I feel sometimes like I’m just “playing dominant “ which is odd because that goes against my nature.

'I guess my question is, are there others out there the deal with this same thing?

Thanks for your time

[ge****]

Inexperience may be behind why you're feeling that way and perhaps a lack of confidence in what you are doing to "feel" dominant.
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No advice to you would be that you can never communicate too much - talk to your partners both before, during and after any play, understand their needs and put yours across beforehand, and ensure boundaries, limits etc are agreed and fully understood - check in during any play to make sure they're OK, maintain contact afterwards and discuss what went well, what didn't and develop ideas for another time.
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Read as much as you can on the subject, from both a dominant and a submissive perspective, get along to kink events and munches, not with play in mind, but to observe and discuss with others of a like mind and learn from them.
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Follow the above and with time you'll gain both experience and confidence in yourself, or will find that perhaps dominant is not for you, or that what you thought was your dominant self originally is somewhat different from what it actually is.

[ge****]

*My advice to you...not "No advice..."

[Deleted Member]

I think, as @Gemini_man has said, this is mainly down to a lack of confidence, something that will improve as you gain experience.
I've been into the lifestyle a couple of years, still consider myself new to it, and am very much still at the bottom of a very steep learning curve, despite knowing significantly more than I did 2 years ago. I think most Doms will say they are still learning, or at least they should do, because every sub is different, every Dom is different and hence dynamic permutations are infinite.
Enjoy the journey, as I'm sure you will, I'm certainly enjoying mine.

[Deleted Member]

As Gemini said talk *during*. You can gain whatever info you need to know and therefore insight, confidence and skills.

[Deviant_Ric]

After more than 17 ‘active’ years in the lifestyle, I can honestly say we never know everything; the human being is unique, and each interaction we have with another brings greater knowledge and experience.
Maintain an open mind. Always.
Never be afraid or reticent to verbalise your thoughts, with anyone.
There is a term for what you are experiencing: Imposter Syndrome. And it can eat a person. Don’t fall victim to it; take all and any advice already offered; research and get in touch with your own sensitivities, and bolster your emotional intelligence. It will serve you well.

[Da****]

It's natural for someone who has never really been dominant to question,... just continue to find patient subs..it will help to build confidence

[Lord_Talion]

Most ppl have the same question when faced with something new, but the real question is not of if you are but of what feels best to you regaurdless of title

[Deleted Member]

I feel this oftentimes, but in reverse. And it happens to me when the person I'm playing with is not a good match. I perform the role, but my heart is not in it. When it works, and I'm in subspace, it's not a role. It's a moment and I'm in it.

[BacknBoise]

Thanks to all.

I am enjoying the experience.

I do try to communicate well before, during and after.

I also have no doubt more experience will help. I am very green.

i think my unfcomfortableness i stems a bit from the fact that i used to fight a lot in my youth and if the truth be told,  i enjoyed enforcing my will upon others. I tried very hard to leave that past behind and not be that person when i had children. Sometimes when i am doing my thing, i feel that dominant me begining to reenerge. I am not that person anymore and it scares me a bit. That part of me was something that wasnt easy and i tried so hard to lose.

I know its not the same thing and probably runs parallel but i still wonder (i.e. worry)

Anyways, thanks again, i hope with more experience, this uneasines will disipate. itll be mostly fun finding out....

 

[Da****]

1 hour ago, BacknBoise said:

Thanks to all.

I am enjoying the experience.

I do try to communicate well before, during and after.

I also have no doubt more experience will help. I am very green.

i think my unfcomfortableness i stems a bit from the fact that i used to fight a lot in my youth and if the truth be told,  i enjoyed enforcing my will upon others. I tried very hard to leave that past behind and not be that person when i had children. Sometimes when i am doing my thing, i feel that dominant me begining to reenerge. I am not that person anymore and it scares me a bit. That part of me was something that wasnt easy and i tried so hard to lose.

I know its not the same thing and probably runs parallel but i still wonder (i.e. worry)

Anyways, thanks again, i hope with more experience, this uneasines will disipate. itll be mostly fun finding out....

 

I agree this is not the samething and it can be a trigger, but the simple fact that you see and recognize this show that you are not the same person. This time use what you have learned from changing your life to control yourself and not cross lines that you shouldn't. I think what you will find is this new person treats dominance much differently, especially with a willing partner. As you learn and understand the dominant part of who you are you will start to trust and believe in yourself more..

[BacknBoise]

I agree about the recognition. I honestly dont know that ive controlled it so much as i avoid situations where it might rear its ugly head

The feeling is just so familiar. i guess i shouldve also mentioned that i grew up around various instances of domestic ***. That was the driving *** about being better for my family.

I do have a willing partner i play with. She defintely wants more than i am comfortable with at this point. i just worry bout letting the genie back out of the bottle

i appreciate your input. it helps

[BacknBoise]

3 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

I feel this oftentimes, but in reverse. And it happens to me when the person I'm playing with is not a good match. I perform the role, but my heart is not in it. When it works, and I'm in subspace, it's not a role. It's a moment and I'm in it.

I definitly understand that. Experience is for sure a factor. I think it’s easier for women to find men then the other way around, especially in this lifestyle but IDK. I guess my past experiences continue to play a deep role in the current