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My first sub session


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Posted (edited)


I am engaging with my submissive side and so have advertised for and found a Mistress to dominate me. I said I am inexperienced and I got a long message about her preferences and that respect is important etc. Standard / encouraging stuff.

Unsurprisingly she is very direct in organising a session and obtaining me as her slave and wants me to book a room at a fetish hotel ‘fetish places’ in Winchester. 

I was wondering if anyone has used the fetish places before? Are they legit? 

Is it a wise move to have my first meet at this type of place?

How do I know it is safe to go meet this dom?

 Are there any extra precautions I should take?

Thanks for your advice


Edited by Iich
Poor grammar and spelling.

How quickly did you receive a response to your ad? It's all well and good you being given a list of your female friend's "wants", but so many say this and don't engage in the desires, needs and fantasies of the sub. If the person you're writing to is female (question seriously), then she is a domme; dom =male dominant. How many emails have you exchanged, between you? If you were dating a vanilla girl, would you seriously just book a room in a hotel, without seeing her first, like a date for drinks and chat? I think that you arrange to meet the domme, face to face, on neutral ground, in a busy pub/cafe with no preconceived ideas of anything else to follow. You need to know exactly what's in store...and you have to build something called trust. If you get told that she's too busy to bother with such incidentals, then disconnect your conversation and find someone real. Don't be naive. This is the internet, where anyone can say or pretend to be anything and add a few stolen images to make you think you've hit the jackpot. If it seems too good to be true, it probably isn't true. If the response you get, from saying/asking the above, then wave good bye, and thank your lucky stars you didn't get involved with something that wasn't real, or was to leave you seriously harmed. Beware and be cautious, it's your life that you're playing with.

Quite simply you don’t know it is safe to meet this Domme you have to go on your instincts. Most of the time instincts are right but occasionally we trip up. Make sure before you engage in any kind of play, your play scenario & limits are discussed & agreed with fully & Make sure she takes care of you before & after play. Also make sure someone knows where you are. Many will say ‘meet for coffee first’ etc etc but we are all different & all play differently & if you are happy to go straight into a scenario without any advanced meetings then go for it.
How long have you and the Dominant been discussing this? Have you gone over all of your hard and soft limits? Have you vetted them properly? Have you signed a contract or at least discussed it? These are all things I would have to check off before I would even consider submitting to someone.

it's a scam.


It's in line with the kinky coves scam.

What happens - you book the room, pay for it - you turn up and find it's just a random house on an estate or a chip shop or a garage.  

100% agree with Leatherdon2020 on this one xx

This feels very sketchy to me.  You have to go with what works for you.  As one person has said, it could be an outright scam, but even so.  If you've not even met, you've been told all the preferences of your Mistress, and you're new to the sub scene, "obtaining you as her slave" is a huge flag for me.  

A wise move is to meet someone at some place like a coffeeshop.  At least at first...  


there's no 'could' about it - the mentioned "hotel" does not exist - and it's Parallel to the kinky coves scam

Where did you find this mistress? If you want to find someone reputable I would suggest using Adultwork and reading their reviews etc. Also choose someone with their own workspace - not a hotel. The McCoys guide is a good site to use too. I hope you have better luck in the future.
DominatrixSheba, thank you for your advice. Much appreciated. I will check out the resources suggested. I was on alt.com. They follow the same pattern. I will check out the resources suggested. eyemblackdheep Thanks also, it seemed scammy. x
Actually, thanks to everyone who replied. I just saw all the other replies. The old adage if it’s too good to be true it is.

aside from that.

I always think there's certain things to watch for, some of which others have touched on.

I disagree with the notion that Dominants shouldn't come to subs.  However, if the Dominant works professionally and is after you paying for a session then that should be approached with caution. If not necessarily a scam, then why aren't people coming to book them?  That if you'd wanted to book a session with them you'd have sought them out.

(although even then context is important. exceptions always apply)

But if someone does contact you, why? Did you do anything that particularly made you stand out?  I don't mean be brash and ask them that - but ask yourself that.  Does it look like your interests fit?    

From here it's a getting-to-know process and certainly it'd be advisable to meet somewhere neutral for a chat - this could be at a pub or coffee shop - or - at a munch is an ideal place.   

Aaaand - if you do decide to play together and it really does definitely have to be at a dungeon - then you both should do some homework on hire options.   There is no chain of kink hotels - whatever the scam says - but there are dungeon apartments - a lot of these are much easier and clearer to check and research.   

But, yes, if things seem too easy and too good to be true. A bit of scepticism and caution hurts nobody.


Gosh I need to learn how to use this site.

Read everything thing again. Instincts prevail. 

What a great great community.!






enriching your knowledge is a good thing - and the more you read and learn - the better ;) 

  • 2 months later...

One of the comments here honestly makes me laugh. Full of contradicting comments made by him. "If you get told that she's too busy to bother with such incidentals, then disconnect your conversation" wish I would have known that before being f'd over ey! Should have been told that before arranging to go up several times to be told that you can't go. Hahaha.


Get to know someone first. What their intentions are. Meet them at local swinger clubs, munches, cafes etc. Because you could end up like me and another girlfriend of mine being messed about!


Have you tried to do cam sessions with your domme?

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