My sub is disobediant, please help...

[do****]

If she is disrespectful toward ur relationship u must stand firm may be by getting her got then lay in bed without human contact for and hour tell her this is tough love and she must come to understand she cannot be a bratt

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

I'm a brat tamer, with a lot of experience irl and online with brats and to almost any sub this is considered a very bad way of punishment and a massive red flag, if I had a sub friend come to me asking for advice in the situation where their Dom used their attention as a punishment I'd say it's toxic and the dynamic should be questioned. I can understand taking a day or two to reflect once in a while if someone has deeply offended you etc, but the advice previously given was several days of no talking, then almost in the next breath discussing earning a subs trust and respect....frankly I wonder how you could if you might vanish any minute if you deem it so. A D/s dynamic requires more trust than a normal relationship and I think some people forget that

As with any “punishment”, moderation and Knowledge are key. There should never be some disappearance out of nowhere. That, I would agree, is a red flag. And it isn’t something I would suggest as the default. But using it as a larger part of a repertoire of reward l/punishment system itself is not a big issue. “Time outs” have always been a big part of a lot of play. And this is a method. Of it. And when I say going silent, I’m. It talking about extended periods. I’m talking of between 8-24 hour periods depending on severity of disobedience. Or it can be as simple as denying good morning/goodnight messages for a bit. The key to this specific type of play is to know that the ultimate end goal is pleasure for all parties. If you are genuinely hurting someone, then that is a problem. But that also can be solved with retrospective discussions (which should happen anyway). “How did that make you feel?” “Do you feel like you deserved that?” “If you could change things, what would you do differently?”

[Deleted Member]

Correction: when I’m talking about going silent I’m NOT talking about extended periods.

[de****]

Being online dom is pointless, any chick that is seeking this is only interested in the fantasy of a dom/sub relationship and not the actual commitment. Let me know how many days before she hits you up for cash app transfer. She is most likely stringing 1 to 5 guys along for the attention

[DF****]

Sounds like you’re being topped from the bottom. I personally (my opinion) do not believe you can Dom online, unless you find a true submissive. People that need training or are bratty will stay that way because there is no way online to verify their en***ment of punishment. They may say they did but did they?
Not a fan of online domination.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

I'm a brat tamer, with a lot of experience irl and online with brats and to almost any sub this is considered a very bad way of punishment and a massive red flag, if I had a sub friend come to me asking for advice in the situation where their Dom used their attention as a punishment I'd say it's toxic and the dynamic should be questioned. I can understand taking a day or two to reflect once in a while if someone has deeply offended you etc, but the advice previously given was several days of no talking, then almost in the next breath discussing earning a subs trust and respect....frankly I wonder how you could if you might vanish any minute if you deem it so. A D/s dynamic requires more trust than a normal relationship and I think some people forget that

I read through and didn’t find anyone referring to several days. Who said that? Was it me?

[Deleted Member]

48 minutes ago, CallMe_daddy said:

Correction: when I’m talking about going silent I’m NOT talking about extended periods.

The people I was addressing with my comment were. I can understand saying, as a one of in a relationship when there's a major issue, I need some time to think and communicating that. Other comments have encouraged the use of this method as a regular form of punishment which I see as a toxic and vile practice that destroys each other and the relationship

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, CallMe_daddy said:

I read through and didn’t find anyone referring to several days. Who said that? Was it me?

It wasn't you, hence I did clarify I was addressing others, I can understand what you said from a point of view if collecting your thoughts before you act. It was recommended by several users to use it for a day or two, and implied this was a reliable (thus, frequently used) punishment which I feel very strongly should be discouraged by all

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

The people I was addressing with my comment were. I can understand saying, as a one of in a relationship when there's a major issue, I need some time to think and communicating that. Other comments have encouraged the use of this method as a regular form of punishment which I see as a toxic and vile practice that destroys each other and the relationship

I gotcha. That’s fair.

[Ph****]

There has to be a good connection for people to follow through with online punishments. A big trust and someone who TRULY enjoys being put in their place. Alot of people that are in sub/bratty space need that control so they have less to worry about. If they are out smarting or not doing something then they are not usually that type of person and a waste of time and frustration in my opinion

[se****]

I need to point, and maybe wrong about this. You wrote "she teases me for getting outsmarted by her". Once in a while is ok, but done too much... this is subtle ***/degrading. Two more things to point out. This is a FRESH NEW D/s dynamic, and she is doing this... plus, saying she wouldn't care if you left. Ohhh my goodness. 🙈

[Bi****]

This doesn’t sound like an enjoyable dynamic. I may be a little harsh, but the best way to put somebody like that in their place is to leave them alone.

[Ra****]

Maybe check your style and execution? Not saying you're doing a good and or bad job but the sub's gonna sub and it's your job to know them and react appropriately. See what type you're dealing with, find out what her reward/punishment cycle is, and follow that. The sub may need a hard dom and your soft, maybe the sub needs a bit more attention and you're not catching it. Again I don't know your/ yall dynamic and I'm not saying you're a good/bad dom, just saying sometimes we forget about adjusting us first verses the sub.

[Deleted Member]

You can’t put her in her “place” in this dynamic; your attention is her currency.
Looks like she’s playing you for the sub.

[se****]

36 minutes ago, BigTrav said:

This doesn’t sound like an enjoyable dynamic. I may be a little harsh, but the best way to put somebody like that in their place is to leave them alone.

Yeah, but some won't get the point or won't care.They will keep doing this over and over. She might be doing this on purpose, or NOT. Who knows... 🤦‍♀️ 

Edited February 9, 2023 by kiseu
Misunderstanding

[SophieSubSlut11]

I don’t have it in me to read 36 replies but in my humble opinion, here lies the issue with online dynamics.

Dynamics were not brought about with the idea of them not ever requiring physical contact or face-to-face time, trying to replicate that or create a power exchange without truly knowing the ins and outs of someone? just not possible in my opinion. Also, I strongly discourage seeking this kind of advice when it should be purely based on your specific submissive, not other peoples ideas.

[SophieSubSlut11]

Also, another issue we are seeing here is the misuse of the word Brat.

A bratty type of submissive is still a submissive 1st.

A rude person making life difficult is just a rude person. You don’t get to use the word brat as an excuse for shitty behaviour. That’s a blanket statement because I see this a lot

[d3****]

From what I read and saw on your profile, you seem to be more in touch with submission then dominance  and authority  and that is what will lead any submissive into not obeying you 

[Deleted Member]

Did you establish a connection before playing? Were you the authority figure? Did she show a willingness to be your sub? Sounds like you're not on the same page. You need a serious convo with her. Lay out expectations and say (and mean) that if she's not interested in being your sub (bc right now she isn't, you're her toy), then go your separate ways.

[Si****]

Tips or punishments... you are going about this all wrong. First and foremost, if you're not using a Capitalized "D" in Dom, you truly should consider the fact that you need more than just Tips and Tricks to win a battle. There's a reason why "D" is capitalized and the "s" is not anytime you see the dynamic expression "D/s". It's a small detail but We Dominants LIVE in the detail. We don't back down, we don't let's our subs get away with an inch of disrespect and we Pay Attention to Details because subs do too. You, yourself require more training if Tips and New Punishment Ideas is what you think is going to be what fixes the issue that you can't Dominate this sub (THAT is the core issue here). What you should be asking is "How can a I be a better Dominant?"... "Where am I lacking that gives this sub the inclination that she can walk all over me?"... (I guarantee if you dig deep enough, you'll find it's within the details).
subs will ALWAYS be disobedient. Our job is to maintain their lane-staying and that is a constant effort. It never ends, because that is the game. They Want to be punished so they play the game of good girl / bad girl (or good sub / bad sub in respect to subs of all genders). But you will always have to punish... do you honestly think a well trained sub is one you don't have to punish anymore at some point in the future?? No no no... your sub is already playing the game and you don't even know what cards you're holding yet. Get Trained Yourself. Be a better Dom. Play the Game.
When one of my subs is not misbehaving, I give her tasks... nearly IMPOSSIBLE Tasks that she cannot accomplish so that punishments will ensue, because those punishments are fun, they lead to reinforcing that she was a good girl for learning her correction, for trying harder to do better, for enduring her punishment... and she looks forward to that because at the end of that experience she knows she's getting a reward. And then they cycle starts all over again.

If you don't know this and aren't taking full advantage of this cycle process, then I' doubling down that it's You that needs further training. Be a better Dom. Learn what your role is truly meant to do and accomplish. Start with making your sub list out 5-10 of what she considered Rewards, and 5-10 do what She considers punishments. Use that list as your template for this cycle I just described. Adapt it to your methods. Make it your own and make it severe.

Bottom line, Learn Your Craft. If you had, you wouldn't be asking questions like this.

Go get it, before another Dominant shows you how.

[Deleted Member]

I’m submissive and I misbehave all the time, I thrive for attention from my Master because I adore my Master but he ignores me so i misbehave! Your sub is Not a Brat, she’s disrespectful! Threaten to Release her! I guarantee she will start behaving!

[Ma****]

I should have said don't ghost her, just, which has been mentioned, tell her you are going to ignore her, and why, that may start the communication you need, , 

[Wo****]

You have a Brat not a submissive. Brats are not submissive No matter what people try to convince. Brats like to Top from the bottom and you disrespect and manipulation to get what they want, that is not submission. Submission is giving with clear cut rules and boundaries and those dynamics are not broken ….just because.

“fun”ishment is not a real thing.

Punishment is….and if you are going to punish her for being a Brat then what is the goal?

Now…I don’t know how your relationship started, what agreements and etc you had. But Brats push and “challenge” which is not submission.

You need to have a discussion with her about the dynamic.

[Th****]

Other than all of the many things mentioned above one thing you said jumped out at me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not having a go at you about this, you may well have just misphrased something.

You said that you're sub did not make you feel like you were in control. That is not really her role to be fair.

It is our role to make our submissives feel as if we are in control and that we can be trusted to handle adverse situations calmly and yet remain in control.

You have not been together long and you need to communicate thoroughly then decide where the lines in the sand will be drawn.

When she oversteps those preagreed lines you assert control by telling her first, and if that does not get a reaction don't not talk to her.

Get her to write out lines for you long hand and send you a picture of the completed lines, make sure it is dated.

Silence is an absence of Dominant and should only be used as a last resort.

Of course this is all in my humble opinion.

[Je****]

Sorry this doesn't sound healthy or compatible. It's only been a few days so I think you need to run before it sours your first attempts at domming. 

 

Also ignore the rude comments. We all start somewhere. 

Good luck.