Should Subs have to ask for aftercare?

[BL****]

If you need to ask for it your with the wrong person. That said some want to feel like they are purely used and discarded it may be part of the dynamic. But if not immediately after, then the next morning or waking up in the middle of the night being held and feeling loved/cared for.

[ey****]

one kinda thing, mind

So, Doms

they're not mindreaders

and every great Dominant was once... not as great  and things like aftercare is part of learning

subs

are not a hivemind

require different aftercare in different situations and on different personalities

--

aftercare should be part of scene/play/dynamic discussion.

if not brought up by the Dominant, should be brough up by the submissive

if the sub has specific aftercare requirements it is somewhat on them to make sure the Dominant is aware

if aftercare is omitted from discussions for whatever reason (a somewhat simple oversight sometimes) then, yep, the sub should make sure the Dominant is aware.

--

And I know what some would say, but what some would say is based on a text book answer in an ideal world and we do not live in an ideal world.  

(this said, if the submissive is constantly having to remind about aftercare, something is amiss) 

[Deleted Member]

Being fairly new to the scene, my first real experience with impact play and other things, did not know what to expect after. When I started to get cold chills and fatigue for the next two days, I had no clue what was happening to me. Because I was so new, I would not have known what to ask for. I do believe in my case it was neglectful to think I would know. It would have been nice to have had some form of after care.

[Va****]

I’ve had subs blow me off on aftercare, stating it was unneeded. The correction is always the same: “It’s for me too Sweetness” - a generic yet still loving term.

I find it hard to conceive that both sides wouldn’t require time together to reconnect and balance things back out again. It’s like going over play and not cleaning up your toys.

[sl****]

I personally like to be left alone with no response...I will literally stay in the same spot I was left in for hours

[pe****]

No, during the vetting process, aftercare should have been discussed in what is needed by both in the dynamic. Should not have to ask if it was discussed.

[Da****]

Absolutely not!! Aftercare is Essential!

[Ho****]

Hell no it's not a subs responsibility to make sure that their Doms are reminded of any and all discussions . That's by itself is a discussion that needs to happen with boundaries set in place and clear reprocustions set in place.

I never knew what "Aftercare" was until after the very first time he had done it. My Alpha Daddy carefully explained it to me and also explained that it's he's always more about the aftercare and the safety of his sub and will always put his sub before himself.

[ba****]

Subs and Doms should never need to ask for after care it should be a given especially if a safeword is used.

[BL****]

Open and honest communication. Aftercare falls into the catagory of mutual need. What if a fantasy that the sub craves is something the Dom will provide but afterward they are uncertain? We walk a fine line that is hard to see. The slightest slip of self control or miss judgment can break the trust bond that is the Fondation of the relationship. What if the sub wants to be left alone to process or in order to experience the sensation of being treated like an uncared for object? Even in that case they will need reassurance and care after the scene is done for them. Only in the most extreme cases. Lifestyle, slave type scenes can I see needing to ask for care be a thing.

[BL****]

Voice to text is a *** in the a**

[Fl****]

If it’s not part of the role they want to take on, yes.

[An****]

Personally I wouldn't think so

[Wi****]

I think if they can tell that we are in *** and hurting they should at least check on us. The first time with having anything in my butt hurt so bad I was crying and didn't sleep all night. He rolled over and went to sleep

[Deleted Member]

Aftercare to me is necessary. It’s about respect and decency, except if the agreed dynamic doesn’t require it.

[ev****]

Ha ha ha
What do you think

If my sub has to ask for aftercare, then I'm a ungrateful b**ch

[Deleted Member]

As a FemDom, aftercare is a must. It is there to assure our sub of what a good job they did and to build trust and safety. If your Dom is not providing the care you need and feels distant, find yourself a Dom that will provide the type of dynamic that makes you feel fulfilled and safe. Feeling anxious or nervous is a huge sign that you do not feel safe or appreciated. Time to move on, babes. I'm sure it's good, but there is better out there.

[do****]

Depends

[un****]

No subs should not have to ask for it

[Deleted Member]

Definitely not, I think they should specify what their aftercare looks like to them.

[Wy****]

As subs crash can be very real after a really intense session. It’s one of those things you don’t got be all over her dotting and being a love struck ***ager but it’s part of being the Dom.

[Va****]

My overall answer is no, subs should not have to ask for aftercare. However, it also depends on the dynamic. Aftercare should be something discussed/negotiated upon prior to entering a dynamic (which you said you’ve done). Sir provides me with the agreed upon “standard” aftercare and I Him (yes, Doms need aftercare too). If I need something more than the standard then I ask for it. For me there are different levels of aftercare. I don’t need the same kind of aftercare for all the different scenes we do but we function on a baseline and go from there. There are so many “why’s” I’d love to ask here but I don’t think you want to read a book of a response! 😅

[Wy****]

Completely has to do with the dynamic. But if you have a really great session there can be a crash after the summit of a good punishment and being made to cum until you beg to stop. We all there can be a real low moment after a edging for hours and then being made to submit.

[Wy****]

Don’t think they should have to ask, if your in tune with partner such things shouldn’t have to be said.

[Ja****]

No. It's a vital part of the Dominance over your sub. Dominance doesn't equal nastiness. In my life it is the holding, application and utilisation of control, learning and coaching lessons, discipline and reward to condition and train your subs, and the application and gifting of care, protection, support - with a backbone of honour and fairness within the limits and boundaries kept by the individuals within the contract.