Am**** Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 So a quick disclaimer (although I hate these in general) but as I am comfortably hetero (probably) I am not looking at male profiles. I come across Domme profiles a lot that are asking for instant submission, that you must come grovelling to the Mistress on your hands and knees, even from the get go. I find this very odd, having come to Kink over the last 10-15 years I came in through fetlife and then munches, the over riding message I got was that submission is a gift that is earnt, a responsibility to be enjoyed. So when I see people demanding that strangers start there without any communication I am a little shocked. If I saw it on a man's profile I would label him a pseudodom (possibly incorrectly) just preying on those who don't understand the dynamic. I have encountered the occasional person trying this in person at munches, but we usually just tell them to chill out and talk to us like equals until someone asks to be spoken to that way, after all we all have made mistakes when dipping our toes. It makes me think of the stories I hear often at munches of early submissive's experiences the classic being: Quote We woke up and my dom said "Let's fuck!" but I didn't want to so I said "No" to which the man replied "You are my submissive you will do as you are told now fuck me!" and even though I didn't want to, I thought that I must always do as I am told. So we did and I hated myself a little for it. This is not a healthy kink state (in my opinion - feel free to disagree). So is it just because it's the internet and women get thousands of messages for a guy's hundreds, or tens? Are these also pseudodoms? What are your thoughts community?
BruiseWayne Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 (edited) Yeah IDK. I think Dommes can get away with this because for one they're a bit rarer, and two there's loads and loads and loads of overly eager thirsty ass submissive men perfectly willing to throw themselves at a woman like that and ignore all the warning signs and red flags this kind of behavior sends up. They tend not to be called out as much as male Doms who act like this do too and so the women like this never really have to learn how to act any differently. There's no way a guy can get away with this kind of shit, and the ones who try to pull it are very openly mocked or ignored or told off by the majority of women on here and any other kink site really. It's just one those things. Edited March 23, 2023 by BruiseWayne
ph**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 It’s a double standard. I tried four times to sugar coat this, but a spades a spade. . Women can “get away with it” because, for whatever reason, “toxic males” are apparently worse than “boss bitches.” Both carry the same traits, but one group has to subjugate themselves while the other is applauded. . Even the line, “is it just because it’s …” is telling. There is justification in behavior that would be shunned to high holy hell if gender were to be flipped. Yes, women have far more incoming messages than men do, as such, I’d think they would be far more practiced.
Cheekysub247 Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 Its not right, and females shouldnt be able to just get away with it. A dominant is a dominant. I get on pro profiles/sites it could be part of the initial thing but it should be for all genders. I see it all too often male subs instantly groveling which doesnt help the 'arguement'. I dont believe my 'submission is a gift' its just who i am and i need a dominant in my life to complete me, but im a person first until i/we decide to take things further.
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 They're, for the most part anyway, pseudo-Dommes just as their male counterparts are anyway - either men pretending to be women, scammers, or possibly professionals, either way it's a red flag for me when I see it. . My submission is there for me to give to who I choose to give it to, not to who demands it from me. . Sadly as BruiseWayne suggests there are so many men desperate for a Domme that will throw themselves at anyone calling themselves one, that they get away with it.
CopperKnob Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 2 hours ago, BruiseWayne said: Yeah IDK. I think Dommes can get away with this because for one they're a bit rarer, and two there's loads and loads and loads of overly eager thirsty ass submissive men perfectly willing to throw themselves at a woman like that and ignore all the warning signs and red flags this kind of behavior sends up. They tend not to be called out as much as male Doms who act like this do too and so the women like this never really have to learn how to act any differently. There's no way a guy can get away with this kind of shit, and the ones who try to pull it are very openly mocked or ignored or told off by the majority of women on here and any other kink site really. It's just one those things. I think that there's a fair balance of posts re unethical Dom/mes. Just that Doms are accused of predatory behaviour moreso than Dommes who're typically called out for being scammers. . I occassionally get messages from male subs and yeah, very much offering up everything from the get go. Every. Single. One. Of. Them 🙄 I can see why some Dommes have an inclination to demand subsmission when it's regularly being offered to them on a plate No idea what female subs are sending Doms, I don't get those.
UK**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 I posted something very similar a while ago https://www.fetish.com/topic/20789-seen-elsewhere-but-got-me-thinking/
jimboeats99 Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 I regularly get something like that on the few platforms I frequent. I have entertained it enough times to know it is always a scam or a wannabe pro domme, and new leave a very brief response containing some very rude words.
ey**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 On one hand, I think anyone of any role or gender does have a kinda right to request people contact them in specific ways - if only to show a profile has been read if nothing else. Obviously, how this works can differ - a guy receiving 1 or 2 messages per month is probably going to be reluctant to further restrict who would contact them - whereas a lady perhaps going delete/delete/delete on men who haven't addressed her how she requested in her profile may not really lose out here. This said, of course, if you don't like someone's prerequisites then you don't have to message em. On another hand. Of course, any role or gender can be guilty of any number of bad habits. Some ranging from being self-defeating up to rather abusive. A lot of the whole "you shall call me Mistress" stuff for example, in some cases is from a form of message filtering, or has overspilled from the pro side (where things, if good, should go from first contact to booking/play in a short space of time - where kinda being able to demonstrate instructions can be followed is key) - but in other cases, yep - the whole "I am the Dominant you do as I say when I say it" is never good outside of a packaged fantasy or pre-arranged dynamic. --- This said, of course, the amount of men who do contact (who they presume are) female Dominants offering themselves up - many do buy into the fantasy anyway.
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 1 hour ago, CopperKnob said: I think that there's a fair balance of posts re unethical Dom/mes. Just that Doms are accused of predatory behaviour moreso than Dommes who're typically called out for being scammers. . I occassionally get messages from male subs and yeah, very much offering up everything from the get go. Every. Single. One. Of. Them 🙄 I can see why some Dommes have an inclination to demand subsmission when it's regularly being offered to them on a plate No idea what female subs are sending Doms, I don't get those. Every single one? 🤔🤣 You cut me deep CK 🤣 Jokes aside though, whilst I agree there's a balance of threads calling put Dommes as scammers, they're usually more from a "pity poor me" angle on the part of the submissive that's been scammed rather than focusing on the Dommes actions in any more than a cursory glance. . Either way I think your and BW's point about male submissives putting everything on a plate out of desperation is a very valid one. Thing is many don't seem to learn and are taken in time and again.
CopperKnob Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 1 hour ago, gemini_man said: Every single one? 🤔🤣 You cut me deep CK 🤣 Jokes aside though, whilst I agree there's a balance of threads calling put Dommes as scammers, they're usually more from a "pity poor me" angle on the part of the submissive that's been scammed rather than focusing on the Dommes actions in any more than a cursory glance. . Either way I think your and BW's point about male submissives putting everything on a plate out of desperation is a very valid one. Thing is many don't seem to learn and are taken in time and again. "Occassionally" 😂🙄🤷♀️😂 . Maybe the occassionally was in the wrong place on the sentence 😉
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 34 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: "Occassionally" 😂🙄🤷♀️😂 . Maybe the occassionally was in the wrong place on the sentence 😉 Keep digging 🤣😂
Is**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 The experience I have is that doms which ask for submission straight away have a tendency to ask for an unexpected tribute 10 minutes later.
Deleted Member Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 I will say as a switch, some males subs are extremely pushy and disrespectful right off the bat (which might be another topic of discussion). I don't agree with insta-domming but it might be necessary to set expectations upfront considering.
se**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 5 hours ago, CopperKnob said: Dommes have an inclination to demand subsmission when it's regularly being offered to them on a plate No idea what female subs are sending Doms, I don't get those. Hi sweet Highness. I will do anything you say, and would love to give a good neck and back massage. Did I mention you are the most beautiful red headed Goddess in the world. I really suck sweet talking like Juliet.🤔😅💖
CopperKnob Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 8 hours ago, gemini_man said: Keep digging 🤣😂 If you could please pass the ladder...anyone?
CopperKnob Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 6 hours ago, seonny said: Hi sweet Highness. I will do anything you say, and would love to give a good neck and back massage. Did I mention you are the most beautiful red headed Goddess in the world. I really suck sweet talking like Juliet.🤔😅💖 See, see! This is almost word for word, verbatim! If I didn't know better, you're a male sub! 😂
se**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 43 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: See, see! This is almost word for word, verbatim! If I didn't know better, you're a male sub! 😂 ha... ha... 😜😅😘
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 50 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: If you could please pass the ladder...anyone? Hang on a tick I'll throw you a rope....now when you're out please tie me up and trample me with your heels Goddess!! 🤣😂
CopperKnob Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 10 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Hang on a tick I'll throw you a rope....now when you're out please tie me up and trample me with your heels Goddess!! 🤣😂 But, I like the rope? 😥
Th**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 Personally, I find it rather off-putting when an initial message contains honorifics or terms of endearment and immediate offering of submission.
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 1 hour ago, CopperKnob said: But, I like the rope? 😥 Oh go on then keep the rope...just cuff me instead 🤣
ge**** Posted March 23, 2023 Posted March 23, 2023 1 hour ago, ThaliaVirago said: Personally, I find it rather off-putting when an initial message contains honorifics or terms of endearment and immediate offering of submission. Agreed - makes me laugh when I see it - how can you possibly know you're submissive (or for that matter dominant) to someone you don't know other than what they have chosen to write in their profile? . When you don't even know they are what they say they are, and you have no clue if you have any kind of match to them? . Personally I find it ridiculous, desperate, presumptive and more besides - whichever way round that may be.
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