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a true sub married to vanilla guy


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So... is there anyone like me? Dying inside to be her true self, to be a real submissive, to serve and be owned, but your partner is a vanilla?

I have a very high sexual drive, and I tried to explain to him what I like and what I’m into, but he said he’s not into it. It’s killing me from inside. Is that so hard to spank my ass? No.

I have no real life experience in BDSM, just online ones. And I dream of having a full bdsm session even once in my life, so I can cherish those memories for ages.


I'm in the same situation. It's soul destroying

Unfortunately, you can't *** someone to do something they're not into - it also probably wouldn't be the experience you crave if they weren't enjoying it - they'd also not be best equipped to help with the inevitable drop.

This obviously ends up leaving lots of little ends; a potentially ideal solution is to play outside the relationship; with their full knowledge.   This could mean setting/agreeing boundaries.  I mean, if he gets you back happy and horny then everyone wins.

However, I appreciate that can be difficult.   Acting deliberately behind their back has it's own problems and so it then becomes an ultimate question of what is more important; your marriage or your kink - which only you can answer.


I had the same issue. Now we’re separated and I can be myself. Better for all. 

Yes but opposites e.g. she is vanilla and i am into bdsm

Get outside help. See a sex therapist. If that doesn’t work get him a copy of opening up. If that doesn’t work time to go. ❤️


If he’s not willing to do something as simple as give you a spanking than he’s being pretty selfish. Over time if your not getting what you need than you’ll become less and less satisfied to the point you won’t be able to achieve any satisfaction with him. I say “what you need” because people who have fetishes cannot help their desires. We can’t pretend to be vanilla. Your marriage will eventually fail if he isn’t willing to participate, even if just occasionally,  in what makes you happy.

I was in the same situation until I got my divorce...now I am looking for a true dom...
4 hours ago, FetishAddict85 said:

If he’s not willing to do something as simple as give you a spanking than he’s being pretty selfish.

I massively disagree.  There could be multiple reasons why he doesn't want to do this - some of which could be quite triggering (say, he's been brought up in a house with Domestic ***) but, simply "I'm not into this" is reason enough.

There's also the massive problem of - well, let's just say he agrees to the spanking - is it disappointing if it's not hard enough?  During the subdrop there's a massive risk of feeling guilty for having him do something he wasn't into. Does there become a risk of scope creep into wanting more that he's even less into.

4 hours ago, FetishAddict85 said:

people who have fetishes cannot help their desires. We can’t pretend to be vanilla.

But this I largely agree with.  If you have a desire, or fantasy in the back of your head that just won't go away, it needs to be resolved one way or another.  And this is where you need to look at options and tough decisions and hard talks.

As from other people on this thread - I know people who've broken up

I know people who've played outside the relationship without their partners knowledge (which is risky as Hell and does set up for adultery in any divorce settlement....)

But also those who've arrangements to play outside the relationship WITH their partners knowledge.

There may be tough conversations ahead.....

I think it's pretty selfish to require someone to do something they are not into or drop them. Yes it's difficult but if that's how you roll then you need to examine your own abilities to love . Sex may be d*** important and eat you up but it's not everything. Why not react by rrmundung yourself dll the great things bought your partner and tell him. Do something special for him. Get playful. Explain that your missing something but it's not threatening. If he can do something for you then it'll make you even more happy. Meanwhile give give give and fall in love all ovef again. You'll enjoy it and look at your world with gratitude and positivity which could just be a fantastic way to enjoy the summer.
*remind yourself about all the great things about your partner
Or just read this story of cuckold and go back to dreaming .. https://www.fetish.com/community/topic/6109-i-know-what-you-crave-oral-cuckold-outwardlyinnocent-hardsex/
Just trying to get a link that works on here .. https://www.fetish.com/community/topic/6109-i-know-what-you-crave-oral-cuckold-outwardlyinnocent-hardsex/

There is some pro Dom. Birthday present 


I'm in the same situation. Ive asked to be tied up. Spanked or become his slave for the day. ( thinking that was every man's wet dream) He even says he has no sexual fantasies. I love him. We've  been together 10 years. I thought about leaving many times but we have a good life together for me it's  not worth it.

Sometimes I relish  too much of the fantasy rather than the reality. 

One day I will fulfill my BDSM and other fantasies 

One thing he will do  is let me play with him while he's  driving (eyes on the road at all times of course)


Or he'll  watch me masturbate in the passenger seat going down the highway


We also bought a wireless clit stimulator for fun at restaurants 


Edging teasing and softly touching me is another way to have fun


Morning blow jobs or even while he is watching TV

Even a simple thing like a feather and a blindfold

There are other ways to enjoy kinky sex

Talk to him first before you leave

9 hours ago, purrfectpanther said:


have you tried with the insert link option? not copy and paste..

I am not married, but I date a guy who is not into Bdsm. I know he really tries, but it just doesn’t work... To be honest, I think u should follow your desires. Life’s just one and ask yourself something... Are u happy with a guy who doesn’t try to understand u? To try new things? Love is important, but the truth is that it stops to be love when we start losing interest because we don’t feel satisfied. I know it’s hard, I’ve been giving me this advice and I do nothing because I am afraid to stay alone or to fall in the wrong hands... so, if u want to talk, I am here! We may have a lot in common
  • 9 months later...

Id like to say that it could work out, but honestly, I tried, three times, all failed.....and I mean I fucking tried until I nearly died. If you have the itch, it wont go away, and as said, you cant *** someone to be like you.
I have read loads of threads on many sites over the last few years asking the same thing. And from the multitude of experiences out there, the answer always seems to be the same....it wont work. Unless you can bury your true self and live a half life, it wont work. 
I gave in a couple of years ago. Final relationship failed. I cant lie about who I am any more, and I cant change people. And I could not keep trying to satisfy someone else when it was killing me. And going behind my partners back....just not in me, unless they were on board with it. 
Your burying a big part of your soul for them, you may end up resenting the fact that they would not compromise for you. 
Sorry, its not what you want to hear....but better now, than, like me years down the line and a lot of hurt. 


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