Vetting Process

[Lu****]

Any amazing tips for vetting out the fake kinksters? They have infiltrated this app and I don’t want to loose any more of my time. Also someone told me befriending some subs to just be able to talk to and provide support and advice would be a good idea. So yeah alllll that… 🤣

[ey****]

It depends, kinda, what you mean by "fake" - it's often a word bandied a bit too much when it's just "is not compatible with me" 

but that's important.

So, I guess seeing their profile, how they act in chat, how they act on the forums etc can get you a feel of if they're in line with your compatability.

And if you are talking with someone, then, what questions are important to you that you get the answers to?

 

(of course, as a side note - yep, I'm aware there's a lot of new guys on the site recently who don't really seem to be into kink but think it's possibly easy sex - but some of these will mature, some might not - in either case you don't need to deal with them - but you can usually tell that by the way they talk and go on)

[Du****]

Ask them for a short video call. Should sort out most of them

[De****]

What do you mean by fake?

[Deleted Member]

This app isn’t nearly as bad as some other apps.. most people verify on here.. I usually check that they are verified.. if they have pics without filters.. if they have the profile filled out with their kinks and fetishes.. those kind of things tend to be signs that I’ll chat.. it then comes down to chemistry and compatibility.. if they ask to talk on Snapchat or telegram or whatever that’s a red flag..

[le****]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It depends, kinda, what you mean by "fake" - it's often a word bandied a bit too much when it's just "is not compatible with me" 

but that's important.

So, I guess seeing their profile, how they act in chat, how they act on the forums etc can get you a feel of if they're in line with your compatability.

And if you are talking with someone, then, what questions are important to you that you get the answers to?

 

(of course, as a side note - yep, I'm aware there's a lot of new guys on the site recently who don't really seem to be into kink but think it's possibly easy sex - but some of these will mature, some might not - in either case you don't need to deal with them - but you can usually tell that by the way they talk and go on)

I think she literally means fake. Most of the new female profiles popping up this month are not the people in the pictures and not here for kink. Some of them are scams, or men masquerading as women, or CashApp beggars.

[wo****]

Just ask basic bdsm question, like names of certain activities, or name of ties for bondage. Pretend to be dumb and ask about things you are very knowledgeable about. Let them feel they control the conversation. Be the snake. It’s that easy.. never act like you know anything. deception find your frauds.

[Sweetness247]

I have experienced the same fake profiles. Meaning they seem nice and say the right things and I found an app to check people’s picture to see if it’s a fake. I have gotten my hopes up several times now only, to be asked to invest *** and then one that answered all the questions and all the pictures were a fake and taken from tumblr. Some are not really even Doms and figure that it’s easy to get a girl to get sex on here. I’m new to this and want to find a Dominant to train me. It’s been a rough ride so far with lots of boys in their 20’s wanting sex and not necessarily even in to bdsm. Rude people and selfish people. Real BDSM is supposed to be about submitting to a Dominant and not only sex but caring about that person with aftercare and truth and communication.

[Mo****]

I find that not answering emails that say just “Hi” or if they say Hi, go to their profile and if that is blank just leave them alone. If they have something on their profile I bring that into the conversation and ask if they have read mine, or what brought you to my page? I have been on fet off and on 20years. There are always newbies and vanillas trying for easy sex. People new to the lifestyle may not know what they want to communicate and convos go stale quick. So many variables. I also avoid heavy flirters, people with slick and heavy words are often looking for a quick cum at your expense. ((Hugs)) hang in there

[Do****]

Go into your chat settings and click the options and select who can message you. Then set only verified kinksters. You can take it further to say only the gender you’re seeking, the age, the distance from you, whether they have photos, whether they have said they are seeking your gender. The more specific you make it, the less contact you get and the more likely it’ll be people you want to chat to. But even just starting with saying only verified kinksters will remove some of the spam.

[No****]

As the other commenter noted, not sure specifically what you mean by “fake”?

We have run across a few “couples” (in chats) that we are sure were actually just males.

We have also come across a few couples where the male was “bi-curious” when all the clues from chatting screamed “gay.” Nothing wrong with any orientation, but annoying when people lie.

Mostly, we have wasted a LOT of time chatting with people (sometimes for weeks) who either ghost or block when it comes time to meet. Not sure they were “fakes” or if they just got cold feet, or maybe they met someone else and decided to pursue that instead?

Ultimately, I don’t have the solution you seek, but hopefully it helps to know you are not the only one struggling with the problem.

[ey****]

27 minutes ago, lechoholic said:

I think she literally means fake. Most of the new female profiles popping up this month are not the people in the pictures and not here for kink. Some of them are scams, or men masquerading as women, or CashApp beggars.

given that she is listed as straight and looking for a long term relationship - I doubt the ladies with 'findom' written all over their profile are the ones she is having her time wasted by.

[Sp****]

Educate yourself on the differences/similarities between SSC and RACK. Ask your potential Dom which one he ascribes to. If there’s a large hesitation in reply, it’s fairly likely that they’re a “sex chaser” and they’re googling it. Ask them what their favourite implement is and why they like it. Ask them if they use a single-tail whip and if so, ask if they’ve ever hit themselves with it by mistake. I assure you that this is almost a 100% yes question. Hahaha

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, Sweetness247 said:

I have experienced the same fake profiles. Meaning they seem nice and say the right things and I found an app to check people’s picture to see if it’s a fake. I have gotten my hopes up several times now only, to be asked to invest *** and then one that answered all the questions and all the pictures were a fake and taken from tumblr. Some are not really even Doms and figure that it’s easy to get a girl to get sex on here. I’m new to this and want to find a Dominant to train me. It’s been a rough ride so far with lots of boys in their 20’s wanting sex and not necessarily even in to bdsm. Rude people and selfish people. Real BDSM is supposed to be about submitting to a Dominant and not only sex but caring about that person with aftercare and truth and communication.

This! I know exactly what you mean, couldnt of put it better myself 🙌🏻

[Do****]

15 minutes ago, Spiral66 said:

Educate yourself on the differences/similarities between SSC and RACK. Ask your potential Dom which one he ascribes to. If there’s a large hesitation in reply, it’s fairly likely that they’re a “sex chaser” and they’re googling it. Ask them what their favourite implement is and why they like it. Ask them if they use a single-tail whip and if so, ask if they’ve ever hit themselves with it by mistake. I assure you that this is almost a 100% yes question. Hahaha

Off to Google SSC and RACK………..

[ad****]

So many fake profiles!  Usually chatting with someone helps me filter out the bullshit. Most real people do want to chat most fakes just want something from you right away.

[Do****]

Why do they have to create an acronym for everything 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄

[Ta****]

The weeds prune themselves…meaning they typically don’t want to waste time either and so the red flags tend to come out early and often. My best advice is to ask questions. Not just shallow, “what are you looking for?” questions, but in-depth, thoughtful, and potentially provocative questions…ask them what their role means to them, what they see your role as, and how you could expect to be treated by them. Dig as deep as you can before there’s even a vanilla meet, so you know if it’s even worth breaking your anonymity for in the first place.

[ey****]

11 minutes ago, TallBastard said:

The weeds prune themselves…meaning they typically don’t want to waste time either and so the red flags tend to come out early and often

this is true when it's men dealing with women.  That, perhaps requests for *** etc. will come fairly quickly because they're interested in being paid, ideally before they're thrown off site.

However for women dealing with men it's a VERY different experience.  

There are men, for example, with zero intention of ever meeting who will be chatting online while their wife is out or whatever and it might be they're lonely and want some company, or it might be that they want to talk about kink as something to get off to - but the end product is the same, the person they're speaking to can be strung along over a long period of time.

But then we also have the other problem which is often men who are inexperienced in kink who feel their inexperience is off-putting to others so again will lie a bit - and this might then fall apart when the person realises they're bullsh**ting - I mean, if we're lucky. If we're not lucky they end up meeting and the guy tries to do something he really doesn't know how to do and it's a trip to A+E or morgue.

There's a few guys on this thread who are thinking about things from the wrong angle.  I've said on other threads there's been a massive rise in sign ups recently and while this has included a lot of the whole Findom rise which is frustrating, what isn't being talked about so much is the amount of new horny guys who've signed up and how that's imbalanced the eco system.

As well as the above examples there's also those who simply think "kinky = easy/low inhibitions" and they end up wasting a lot of people's time also.  

[ju****]

Talking with them on a call or video call is usually the best way I’ve found to weed them out. Speaking from the male perspective here, but a lot of the women or “women” I’ve encountered that are fake are just looking to sell their content or scam you. Get them on a call and you find out pretty quick what they’re about, if they don’t want to call you until after you pay odds are it’s a fake account.

On the flip side though, I’ve also talked with women who were only “fake” in the sense they were new to the lifestyle and didn’t actually have any experience or exposure to the ins and outs. Nothing wrong with that, but with some people I’m sure it’ll be a dealbreaker and an annoyance.

The joys of online dating. 🤷🏻😂

[Co****]

I have found people to very unresponsive on here...

[Stumofun]

I ask them to send me a photo with today's date on paper. Similar to being verified on here.

[FETMOD-KF]

ok guys guys guys

I get the frustration but we already have a thread for guys spotting fakes and managing that and support with that.  Please do not hijack this one.  Please offer help to the lady OP or refrain your posts. 

[mo****]

That’s a good question! A lot of people just want something to rub one out to!

[Ta****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

this is true when it's men dealing with women.  That, perhaps requests for *** etc. will come fairly quickly because they're interested in being paid, ideally before they're thrown off site.

However for women dealing with men it's a VERY different experience.  

There are men, for example, with zero intention of ever meeting who will be chatting online while their wife is out or whatever and it might be they're lonely and want some company, or it might be that they want to talk about kink as something to get off to - but the end product is the same, the person they're speaking to can be strung along over a long period of time.

But then we also have the other problem which is often men who are inexperienced in kink who feel their inexperience is off-putting to others so again will lie a bit - and this might then fall apart when the person realises they're bullsh**ting - I mean, if we're lucky. If we're not lucky they end up meeting and the guy tries to do something he really doesn't know how to do and it's a trip to A+E or morgue.

There's a few guys on this thread who are thinking about things from the wrong angle.  I've said on other threads there's been a massive rise in sign ups recently and while this has included a lot of the whole Findom rise which is frustrating, what isn't being talked about so much is the amount of new horny guys who've signed up and how that's imbalanced the eco system.

As well as the above examples there's also those who simply think "kinky = easy/low inhibitions" and they end up wasting a lot of people's time also.  

I was referring more specifically to the guys that hit up women and start asking for nudes right away, making demands and degrading with out consent from the first message, or as I call them “instant-Doms”, and other generally undesirable behaviors such as love bombing and ghosting when they don’t get what they want after a few low-effort exchanges. I was not thinking about my own experiences, or that of men in general.