Leaning but as an introvert

[Be****]

I’m a dom, but I always feel like I’m not that good at it. I want to learn more, but talking to others is hard for me as I’m an introvert, and a kinaesthetic learner (learn by doing not reading). My question is, what do I do to help brush up on my skills and be better?

[Th****]

So many kinky people are introverts and other sorts of wonderful quirky humans. There are lots of hands on/in person classes and workshops available as well as online and virtual. Rope, especially seems to have a lot of options in certain areas. Have you tried doing a Google search to see if there's any local community stuff wherever you are? 

[Be****]

7 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

So many kinky people are introverts and other sorts of wonderful quirky humans. There are lots of hands on/in person classes and workshops available as well as online and virtual. Rope, especially seems to have a lot of options in certain areas. Have you tried doing a Google search to see if there's any local community stuff wherever you are? 

Unfortunately I’m not a very confident person to go to something like that on my own, and all my friends aren’t into kink, at least not that they’ve told me

[ey****]

I feel the first step here is to work on your confidence

 

[Be****]

11 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I feel the first step here is to work on your confidence

 

S’pose that’s the best thing to start with yeah. Just have to figure that out first. Thank you

[Ky****]

I think something to note is seperate Dom in the D/s lifestyle from Topping in a scene. A Dom in D/s really doesn't require kink. It's all about guidance and support built from a foundation of unconditional trust. Topping in scenes can be incorporated with Domming but it's not required. I've had subs as friends who I've never scened with and scenes with others who weren't my subs. I think it would help you most to seperate the two and focus on the fundamentals of being a Dom D/s then you can have fun and enjoy learning with your sub. My subs would be elated for me to tell them "hey I wanna try something different I've never done before".

[Be****]

2 minutes ago, gadsden118 said:

I think something to note is seperate Dom in the D/s lifestyle from Topping in a scene. A Dom in D/s really doesn't require kink. It's all about guidance and support built from a foundation of unconditional trust. Topping in scenes can be incorporated with Domming but it's not required. I've had subs as friends who I've never scened with and scenes with others who weren't my subs. I think it would help you most to seperate the two and focus on the fundamentals of being a Dom D/s then you can have fun and enjoy learning with your sub. My subs would be elated for me to tell them "hey I wanna try something different I've never done before".

That’s actually really helpful! Thank you

[Ky****]

You're quite welcome. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like and anything I could possibly help you with.

[ro****]

Super enlightening thread! I appreciate

[Tr****]

I was the same way but i had learned to deal with it through practice. I had a sales job that worked as exposure therapy. It isn't that you are incapable, think of it as nothing more than a skill. As a fellow kinesthetic learner, I can assure you it gets easier the more you do it. Breaching your comfort zone in general is good for breeding self-confidence and feeling better about yourself in general. It takes work to be proud of who you see in the mirror. 😁👍

[Ma****]

Imposter syndrome. Don't worry about it.

[Vo****]

Are you sure you’re not a sub or a switch

[kree90]

Take risks! Get out of your comfort zone and watch how self-confident you become :) I'm an introvert but I also have autism, so social stuff can be really difficult and scary. I started stepping out of my comfort zone, and I'm having the most fun I've ever had in my life.

[Sp****]

Try searching out other local Dominants and ask them if they would consider mentoring you. You’d be surprised how many altruistic folk are out there that may even let you practice with their submissive(s) if they are comfortable enough with your progress. This way the education is more one on one and not in a group setting like at a play party.

[Char__]

Dungeons do taster sessions where you can go and watch, and then be talked through trying out a skill. If you don't have a sub to take with you to practice on, there will be volunteer subs.

[Be****]

56 minutes ago, Vodolorptas said:

Are you sure you’re not a sub or a switch

I’ve never been comfortable being a sub/switch. I have tried it and I was very uncomfortable

[Be****]

1 hour ago, kree90 said:

Take risks! Get out of your comfort zone and watch how self-confident you become :) I'm an introvert but I also have autism, so social stuff can be really difficult and scary. I started stepping out of my comfort zone, and I'm having the most fun I've ever had in my life.

What gave you the drive to take that first step to step out?

[pl****]

I'm a Dom too and it's always been hard to meet peeps

[Be****]

3 hours ago, Spiral66 said:

Try searching out other local Dominants and ask them if they would consider mentoring you. You’d be surprised how many altruistic folk are out there that may even let you practice with their submissive(s) if they are comfortable enough with your progress. This way the education is more one on one and not in a group setting like at a play party.

That might be a little far out of my comfort zone for now but it’s good to keep in mind. Thanks

[au****]

Look up the Sexual Health Alliance or ASSECT and connection to certified sex educators and therapists! Learning with them or at conferences is a blast! 🥳💜🤘

[kree90]

3 hours ago, BeardedBristolian said:

What gave you the drive to take that first step to step out?

I planned. A ton. I saved my energy for it, so when it came time, I had no excuses. I made sure I had NO expectations for it. And a friend sent me a text that said "You can do this" and my brain, taking things literally as always, first processed it as "well, yeah, I physically can" and I'm like...well, can't argue with myself on that one. If I prepare mentally, I can do it, no excuses. 

Truly imagine yourself in 5 years. I mean, do you want to feel like you do right now? That was my drive. I craved change, no matter how much it terrified me, because staying the same was not an option. To change, you have to take that first step. And you can't think too much ABOUT actually doing it, just plan for BEING there, at the set time, for whatever you're doing. It can go badly...but it can also be a super positive experience.

 

When it comes to peopling--try not to worry about doing it right. None of us actually know what the hell we're doing  

 

 

[slavewife]

Learn learn learn and read read read as a sub best way for you to learn but as a Dom it’s the same . My master wasn’t in scene for years and I have brought out of him by talking lots and to others as well . We talk for hours and shown him way I like what I like . You need to talk to others see what they do and also a sub talk for months get to know each other what you like . This can be done in line so don’t need face to face till you are comfy . I did this and now I’m where I am today comfortable and more out going with Doms and Donmes . I’m still shy but soon goes . Hope this helps message me if you want to know my journey and more masters

[Mi****]

Podcasts are brilliant!

[Be****]

59 minutes ago, MissSecret said:

Podcasts are brilliant!

Podcasts? I’d never even thought of that!!

[co****]

Like most things in life, it's brute force and/or happenstance. It's your life, no one elses.