Trouble learning!

[Pe****]

Wanting to learn about the lifestyle and asking women sexual questions are completely different. No wonder you’re having no luck, also that you sound so self entitled is so off putting.

[Deleted Member]

I'm afraid I'm going to be harsh in response to the OP. Who said "I have recently been told that I could find my answers on Google" yet reveals that the question was what does BDSM stand for. Seriously? This is weaponised incompetence. Women are not your support humans.

[Ye****]

Lol i love it get him girls

[Th****]

13 minutes ago, inconceivable said:

I'm afraid I'm going to be harsh in response to the OP. Who said "I have recently been told that I could find my answers on Google" yet reveals that the question was what does BDSM stand for. Seriously? This is weaponised incompetence. Women are not your support humans.

This isn't harsh, it's direct and a reasonable assessment. It might *feel* harsh to the op but that doesn't make it so. 

[Ye****]

I had to amuse my self and google bdsm and sure enough pages and pages and pages of Literature and shit even if you have videos you can have some videos lol this dude i can't believe i feel for his cry out for a interaction of a woman

[Th****]

1 minute ago, king-of-prussia27356 said:

Lol i love it get him girls

An interesting change of tack there from your first two comments and I'm pretty sure none of us have been "girls" for quite some time. 🤨

[Ye****]

Dude get your shit together and just stop

[Ye****]

Why do all the good looking doms live so far

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

This isn't harsh, it's direct and a reasonable assessment. It might *feel* harsh to the op but that doesn't make it so. 

I imagine it will feel harsh! But I've been approached by men several times to "teach them to be Dom". It is asking for my labour as others have said. I didn't learn what (little) I know about BDSM because I expected a man to spoon-feed me. I did the work. And I'm very grateful to all the people who did answer questions on forums and in chats. So I answer questions when they're asked of me. But "teach me"? Nope.

[ey****]

36 minutes ago, inconceivable said:

I'm afraid I'm going to be harsh in response to the OP. Who said "I have recently been told that I could find my answers on Google" yet reveals that the question was what does BDSM stand for. Seriously? This is weaponised incompetence. Women are not your support humans.

it's the type of thing as well that - as well as being an easy google - pretty much anyone could answer.  Doesn't have to be a woman.

But, absolutely, I agree with you on weaponised incompetence.  Which might also play into the more sexual comments ("Oh, I'm new, didn't know I couldn't ask that tee hee silly me") 

[ge****]

OP you know what? I get it, you want to learn, and that's never a bad thing, particularly in this lifestyle and on sites like this - so I applaud you for that.
.
BUT...(there's always a but isn't there?) you're going about it in all the wrong ways...first up you've shown both in your OP and your subsequent responses that you have little to no knowledge of BDSM and what it means not only in terms of definition, but what it means to you, what interests you about it, how you came to have that interest, which side of the coin you sit and so much more...and *that* that in itself is one very big reason you're not getting the assistance you seek when messaging people - you don't even have the very basics covered, and if you don't know those, then people *are* going to think the worst and not be willing to put themselves out for you - the basics are easily discovered via Google and the like.
.
Next up your attitude comes across as expecting people to put themselves out for you and answer potentially very intimate questions posed by someone who, for all they know (and it doesn't matter if you genuinely aren't) is just looking for their kicks to get off on.
.
Then you decide you don't want information from the very people that actually could probably help you a great deal, yes that's right, men - there are many men who have been where you are, who have listened and learned and who *do* know how to make sites like this work for them - yet you've made it clear you don't want to hear from them!!
.
And I really do get it, I was where you are some 30 years ago, and do you know what? I get how daunting it can seem, how you feel that every question sounds "stupid", how easy it is to make mistakes or say the wrong thing, BUT I listened and learned and did my own reading and research, and slowly grew my knowledge both of myself and the lifestyle - I didn't expect others to teach me, I didn't pester random women with intimate questions, I sought out blogs, and forums and chat rooms etc and talked openly and honestly and demonstrated my interest and knowledge and with that people came to know me in a public arena and recognise I wasn't just a bloke sat with my cock in my hand waiting for someone to feed me tidbits of filth to get off to, and through that came interaction and more.
.
So my advice to you, is take a step back, think about what you really want from all this, do some introspection and be honest with yourself first and foremost - seek out books and blogs and forums, ask questions no matter how "stupid" they may seem, show yourself to be a stand up guy with a genuine interest and do so publically - get that right and interaction will follow.
.
Carry on down the expectant and entitled path you're on and doors will continue to slam as you're placed (rightly or wrongly) in with all the other horny blokes looking for their jollies and nothing else.

[Th****]

4 hours ago, f1r3w17ch said:

Did you then, in fact, google it? Also, find it slightly ironic I’m a woman offering some level of help and you’ve yet to respond to my input 🤷🏻‍♀️

Funny, how often that happens huh? 😏

[ge****]

The other thing to consider on any site like this OP is that men outnumber women in the region of something like 10-15 to 1 - now that isn't and doesn't have to be a hurdle BUT it does mean that you have to stand out and be appealing as someone for those women to talk to in the first place - that's before even getting onto your desire to have one of them "teach" you.
.
Add into that your marital status (which I am not judging) and regardless of how you may dress *that* up, the odds are against you - BUT (and there it is again, but this time it's a positive one) you have it within your remit to improve those odds - not completely enough to guarantee you're first pass the winning post, but improve them you can - and that comes back to what I was saying about you demonstrating in open view that you're the kind of guy women want to talk to - show interest, show you're interesting, show respect, show that though you're learning you're willing to learn etc etc

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

The other thing to consider on any site like this OP is that men outnumber women in the region of something like 10-15 to 1

it's actually a lot narrower than that, but men tend to be more vocal.

But yep.

I guess the other thing - and - I'm not necessarily saying to cold message men.  Peer learning.  I mean absolutely, if you have a partner - sub, Domme, whatever then talk with her about her likes, wants, needs, expectations, etc. (that's someone you're in a relationship with, not a rando) but if you're looking to impress or find or get such a partner it seems folly to overlook the people who are getting what you seek.
Like I say, not that guys want to micromanage or babysit other guys either.  But, it ties in with getting broad opinions/views/experiences

 

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, Harryslamers said:

I'm not being lazy or entitled. I'm asking a woman for her opinion on what she enjoys sexually because she has the female anatomy that I'm trying to please. So I don't believe you as a man can relay that information unless you have a vagina. ?

Forget the username, I'm a woman and here's the thing. Just because I am doesn't mean I know what other women want. Nor does it mean that what I enjoy other woman will because our anatomies are not all the same. We didn't all come out of the same box and get labelled 'A Woman'. We're individuals who get pleasure from many different things.
And newsflash, people identifying as a man may well have a vagina.
Use the forums. Use Google. Go to a munch.
I mean, the mind boggles as to how you managed to get to Fet without knowing what BDSM means and it was a lazy question, kinds like my dad asking my mum this weekend if they had any tupperware to store a cake when he could have just walked into the kitchen and look. Stop adding to people's labour because you don't want to do the work yourself.
Lastly, can you see the irony in complaining that women aren't offering you their advice etc and yet, there are plenty in this OP doing just that only for you to argue with them or simply ignore them. Do know that when receiving a message from someone new most people will check out the senders profile. Your post and subsequent comments will be seen. What type of message do you feel your putting out here? Do you think it's encouraging people you're messaging to respond?

[Ha****]

6 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

It’s what the forums are for. That’s one of the most useful features about this site: check the forums for questions similar to yours, read the comments, join the discussion. Everyone taking part is there because they’re curious or because they’re happy to share their expertise. You’ll learn and you’ll likely make new connections too - wins all round! The great advice you’ve had here, from many contributors, is proof that it works.

Absolutely don’t, however, slide into anyone’s DMs just to ask them for advice. It’s an imposition, and it’s unasked for: by doing so, you’re immediately making demands on an individual’s time that they may not be inclined to fulfill. Save yourself a potentially negative experience (or find another reason to start a conversation, one that’s more welcome)!

Thank you!

[Ha****]

3 hours ago, inconceivable said:

I imagine it will feel harsh! But I've been approached by men several times to "teach them to be Dom". It is asking for my labour as others have said. I didn't learn what (little) I know about BDSM because I expected a man to spoon-feed me. I did the work. And I'm very grateful to all the people who did answer questions on forums and in chats. So I answer questions when they're asked of me. But "teach me"? Nope.

Thank you, that's all I wanted in the first place.

[Ha****]

6 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

It’s what the forums are for. That’s one of the most useful features about this site: check the forums for questions similar to yours, read the comments, join the discussion. Everyone taking part is there because they’re curious or because they’re happy to share their expertise. You’ll learn and you’ll likely make new connections too - wins all round! The great advice you’ve had here, from many contributors, is proof that it works.

Absolutely don’t, however, slide into anyone’s DMs just to ask them for advice. It’s an imposition, and it’s unasked for: by doing so, you’re immediately making demands on an individual’s time that they may not be inclined to fulfill. Save yourself a potentially negative experience (or find another reason to start a conversation, one that’s more welcome)!

Thanks for your advice.

[De****]

I admit that my immediate response to any “I’m a man but women here won’t do ____” is annoyance. Yes, it’s nice to learn from someone else. No, women here with experience owe you nothing. I have a mentor in the workplace and she has told me that I’m welcome to ask questions, but if it is information that is readily available she will tell me to look it up. No one wants to spoon feed someone. If you ask a question like “how often do you like your Dom to check in on you during the day?” - you will probably get an answer. If you ask what BDSM stands for you are definitely going to get told to Google it. You should be finding out basic stuff on your own, it shows that you are actively learning and care to learn. Then seek out advice on things that are more nuanced. Also, remember this statement- women (or men for that matter) here owe you nothing.

[Ha****]

21 minutes ago, DenverKitten said:

I admit that my immediate response to any “I’m a man but women here won’t do ____” is annoyance. Yes, it’s nice to learn from someone else. No, women here with experience owe you nothing. I have a mentor in the workplace and she has told me that I’m welcome to ask questions, but if it is information that is readily available she will tell me to look it up. No one wants to spoon feed someone. If you ask a question like “how often do you like your Dom to check in on you during the day?” - you will probably get an answer. If you ask what BDSM stands for you are definitely going to get told to Google it. You should be finding out basic stuff on your own, it shows that you are actively learning and care to learn. Then seek out advice on things that are more nuanced. Also, remember this statement- women (or men for that matter) here owe you nothing.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. but I don't remember saying that anyone owes me anything.

[Ha****]

22 minutes ago, DenverKitten said:

I admit that my immediate response to any “I’m a man but women here won’t do ____” is annoyance. Yes, it’s nice to learn from someone else. No, women here with experience owe you nothing. I have a mentor in the workplace and she has told me that I’m welcome to ask questions, but if it is information that is readily available she will tell me to look it up. No one wants to spoon feed someone. If you ask a question like “how often do you like your Dom to check in on you during the day?” - you will probably get an answer. If you ask what BDSM stands for you are definitely going to get told to Google it. You should be finding out basic stuff on your own, it shows that you are actively learning and care to learn. Then seek out advice on things that are more nuanced. Also, remember this statement- women (or men for that matter) here owe you nothing.

I'm just trying to learn.

[De****]

9 minutes ago, Harryslamers said:

I'm just trying to learn.

It’s great that you want your learn, but putting in effort to learn by research is a good first step. You want learn, but no one is required to teach you.

[Ha****]

4 minutes ago, DenverKitten said:

It’s great that you want your learn, but putting in effort to learn by research is a good first step. You want learn, but no one is required to teach you.

Thanks for the advice Kitten,

[hu****]

There’s a big difference between asking someone knowledgeable (of any gender) if there are any resources they’d recommend so you can research yourself and expecting women to spend their time and energy teaching a stranger how to do something. I’d encourage you to do the former, not just here with this subject, but in general, when learning anything.

[lo****]

On 11/26/2023 at 6:26 PM, Harryslamers said:

Why is it so hard for a man to get help learning about kink/fetish/BDSM from a woman? I'm new here and want someone to show/teach me about this lifestyle. All I want is someone to take time and be there to answer my questions for me. I recently have been told that I could find my answers on Google. It makes all the difference in the world to me when a woman takes the time to actually teach me by answering my questions, no matter how "Stupid" they are.

When I see the kind of request above I will tell you what comes to MY mind:

1) you are lazy, in many ways. You either want ME to do all the work, or this is some low key lazy ass way to try and trick a woman into being your kink dispenser.

2) you are entitled AF expecting some woman, you haven't even made friends with, just some stranger, to walk you thru and teach you god knows what, just on the basis that she is a woman, and into kink. Nothing more.

3) Your replies show that you seem to think women are a hive mind, and we all like the same thing. News flash, we don't. Just like some men like to be pegged, many will run away hands covering their ass yelling "EXIT ONLY!" if you suggest it to them.

4) Why CAN'T you google simple terms? I DO, still. I come across some term I don't know, I google that shit. I REALLY don't blame the woman for telling you to Google it if your question was literally "what do the letters in BSDM stand for?" I would say the same... IF I bothered to respond.

FFS.