Should I stay and figure this out with my Dom?

[Pinklotus-7836]

I’ve been in this D/s relationship for a little over a month. He tells me he wants me to find a female to play with. It’s really not my cup of tea so I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. When I try to bring it up to him how uncomfortable I am about it he shuts me down and says he do things when and how he wants. I asked if we can work and focus on our D/s relationship before bringing a third party in the bedroom. He shuts me down. Whenever I try to give my opinion on anything he says my opinion doesn’t matter. He is a very strict Dom. I like that he’s stern but it’s so hard to talk to him about anything. He always pretty much shuts me down. 

[Ve****]

That would be a big red flag for me. You need to be able to communicate. Unless ***d Bi is a kink of yours. If not he doesn't have the right to en*** anything on you. If you are uncomfortable, listen to yourself because a woman's intuition is never wrong. His behaviour is bordering on abusive imo.

[NatalieLM84]

I'm sorry but he's not a very good Dom. He clearly has controlling issues which is major red flags. A Dom should always listen to his subs thoughts and wants and needs. 

[ey****]

yeahh... nope

one of the common traits of a bad Dominant is they'll get one sub and then send the sub to find another.  Toxic. Get rid. 

[Ea****]

Red flag, red flag, read flag. Sorry, you have to get rid of him.

[Jed]

Having no regard for your feelings and wishes is a big NO NO!! That said his lack of willingness to engage in meaningful conversation too points to a whole lack of respect to you and your gift of submission!! Clarity is paramount in any relationship and it's quite clear that he clearly needs to listen to you and stop shutting you down! I would suggest you have a serious conversation before continuing your journey.....

[Deleted Member]

I have to agree. Any decent D has to respect the gift of your submission. It sounds like there is a total lack of respect here. Stern is one thing, but total ignorance is intollerable. I agree with blacksheep. Get rid as soon as you can

[Mollysdailykiss]

This man should be treated with caution. Being a sub is not about just doing as you are told, it is meant to be a mutual exploration of power exchange relationship. Not just one person posing their will on another with no discussion or understanding of what does and does not work for the other person

My advice would be to move on because it is only going to get worse

Mollyx

[BigPolly]

That’s not Domination that is *** & bullying, simple as that! Communication is key in any relationship especially a D/s relationship, you don’t have communication in your relationship you simply have a dickhead that is bullying you for his own satisfaction.

Edited November 25, 2019 by BigPolly

[JoH]

Get away from him, that’s just grim.

[Deleted Member]

He’s not strict, he’s abusive. And it’s likely only going to get worse.

[NatalieLM84]

Yeah to add onto to what I've previously said. This is only one month in, you should be having fun discovering each others kinks and bringing them together. This is really toxic and you need to walk away 

[Deleted Member]

Just tell him it’s your hard limits. End of

[Ar****]

It has already all been said by other members; to answer your question, no you should not. You have already tried, and he has not been interested. It will only get worse and more abusive from here on in if you stay - but I think you already know you need to leave and just needed to check with other people, that's why you asked right?

[Vandalslut]

This isn't a 'Dom', it's a rat's a**e.  He's not only not communicating, he's actively refusing to communicate.  Obviously he thinks that being a Dom translates as, "I can do what I want, when I want, however I want". Your opinion does matter.  He's not being strict or stern, he's abusive.  After about a month, he wants to bring someone else into your private scene and says it's his right?  No, it isn't.  If your feelings don't matter, then he doesn't give a s**t about you.  If you cave in to this demand, what do you think he's going demand next week ?  Maybe a group of Doms just like him will be invited over so they can use you any way they like, no matter how uncomfortable or scared you are?  I'm surprised that you and this slug haven't had a discussion about hard and soft limits since your profile says you've been nine years in the scene. Your profile also says that you are looking for another girl to 'play with for Daddy'. No sub is going to go for it, with the description of the poisonous environment you're currently living in.   If you're living together, pick up your handbag and walk out in the clothes you stand up in.  You can get your belongings later, in the company of the police if you have to.  If not, change the locks and block him on all communication devices.  All the good people above are Dom/mes and subs, and know what they're talking about. Take action. Now.

[Deleted Member]

Walk away. No run! Don’t look back. There is nothing for you in that dynamic. Omg I can’t believe there are people still strutting around professing to be this that and whatever when actually they’re full of it! You need to find someone who is as interested in what you want and like as much as what they want you to do. It’s a two way street. Your worth more.

[Subbing]

Get out like everyone is saying !

[Deleted Member]

I am also worried that you post an ad searching for another sub, when clearly its not wise to put another sub into the hand of that guy. 

[Pinklotus-7836]

Thanks everyone for the advice. He’s no longer my Dom. I decided to not figure things out with him. 

[ey****]

Just now, pinklotus said:

Thanks everyone for the advice. He’s no longer my Dom. I decided to not figure things out with him. 

good call.  hopefully some of this will also help going forwards. 

[Vandalslut]

23 minutes ago, pinklotus said:

Thanks everyone for the advice. He’s no longer my Dom. I decided to not figure things out with him. 

Well done, pinklotus.  It's been said so often, here and in other posts, that submission is a precious gift, not something disposable or worthless. You're valuable. The right Dom is out there waiting for you. Visit the friends you've made here whenever you like - just to talk.

[Jed]

2 hours ago, pinklotus said:

Thanks everyone for the advice. He’s no longer my Dom. I decided to not figure things out with him. 

Excellent choice....

[Phoenyx]

LIMITS ARE LIMITS!  He is your master only as long as he abides by the rules of the contract.  Sounds like he is clearly trying to violate those rules.  It is now your duty to inform him of that.  This may end your relationship.  But, in the end, you may be better-off.

This is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you.  An M/s relationship is not a one-way street.