Don’t know where to start

[Nostalgic17]

Me and my long term boyfriend of 4 years have just recently discovered we are both into trying some bondage and bdsm and other kinks. We’re both very eager to start learning. We’ve talked about what we like and dislike as we as safe words. But I think our nerves are getting to us. We’re both self conscious people. I asked him what we should try first and he said he wasn’t sure. So I think we’re just having trouble on how to start our first “session” outside of our regular vanilla sex. We’ve bought a blind fold and cuffs and a flogger. So i just need a few tips on how to get the first time rolling. What to say, how to start the tying up and all of that. Bondage for dummies if you will. I’m not the best at dirty talk. I know I want him to order me around and him tie me up and have his way with me. I’ve read online but all I can find is like tips. Not how to actually start the actual thing. 

[Wo****]

Arrange it... like a date.

How you start depends on what you want to do I guess. Maybe he can come into the room to find you laying on the bed where he can restrain you, tie you up.. or maybe he could place a collar around your neck and lead you somewhere... or you could ask him...

Or come up with a scenario, your own story and play it out..

You'll be fine, you're doing the groundwork. There is a certain amount of just "going for it" just breathe and enjoy it.

[Deleted Member]

I would be more than happy to give you one to one advice and suggestions. You are a new member, so I have to wait to be able to privately message you.

[Phoenyx]

This may seem like a bold suggestion.  But, I'd say, start with the flogger.  Keep it simple.  Stand facing the wall, leaning toward it, with your hands above your head (as though be frisked by the police).  Allow him to work your bare back with the flogger.  Tell him to start out easy, barely brushing your skin with the tails.  Work back and forth in a figure-8 pattern---coming down at roughly 45 degrees.  Try to avoid the spine and sides of the body.  Gradually, work up in intensity.  This slow warm-up allows the endorphins to build.

You may have to talk him through this, at first.  You may want harder, or softer.  Don't forget to pause every so often, to rest and check-in with each other.  I have found that hand caresses during these pauses, can also be quite soothing.  If all goes well, you might never feel more that a slight sting, even once the thuds of impact get quite heavy.  The endorphin high though, is something to be experienced.

Don't worry if your first session seems rough and chaotic.  Takes practice.  Keep in mind, the flogging is done with a loving hand, not a brutal one.  Eventually, he will acquire the touch, and you both will be able to read each other's body language.  Words may no longer be necessary.  Soon, the endorphin and adrenaline high will cause other fantasies to come to mind.  You should know where to go from there.

Afterward, you should both sit together and rest.  Don't be afraid to ask for a hug, if you feel you need one.  Talk about the experience, if you both feel up to it.  Or, just rest in each other's arms, and save the discussion for later.

You might also want to sit together (at another time) and check-out some of the BDSM gear sold online.  This will give you an overview, and perhaps new ideas.  Etsy has quite a varied selection of bondage gear.  There are plenty of other online shops as well.  Maybe, nothing will jump out at you right away.  But, once you start to fantasize...

Hope this was of help.

[Deleted Member]

Start at the beginning. There’s no need for words especially if your finding them difficult. Get yourself ready for an evening of fun. Set out the toys beside you. Put in your blindfold and unless you have a bigger problem than you start il follow he will pretty quickly get the idea. There is no right or wrong. Once that blind fold is on you will be surprised how brave! You can be and can steer him to where you want him. Tell him you are his for x amount of minutes before you swap. That way you both get more knowledge and less stuck. Also just because you Brought a few things doesn’t mean you have to use them all in one go. Have fun and enjoy.

[Collarsandcages]

A good way to start is to go to local munches and ask around. Some communities have local groups that will help new people ease into it.

[robby-gog]

Yes I agree. It’s always good to meet like minded ppl at the local events. It’s good to share.

[Puddles333]

If nerves are an issue, you can also try going from a different direction: Get well "in the mood" first and then feel what's right in the moment. When one gets comfortable with the whole thing, the body and chemistry can kinda lead in that way. Excelsior! <3

[Deleted Member]

It's good you've sent foundations - your master should want you to let go for his pleasure and your own. Just start kissing and touching each other - if you want to be considered a bad sub, you would strip him quickly and try to reach for his dick - if he wanted to be stern he would deny you this and then tie your hands up. If your worried about what to say, just say what you want to feel. Or keep quiet until you beg.

[Phoenyx]

Does the "Society of Janus" have a chapter near you?  They sponsor get-togethers, classes, and occasional dungeon parties.  Great place to begin.  30 years ago, membership was cheap.  Don't know about now, though.  Still, the investment might be worth it.

[Deleted Member]

Well you’ve already communicated what it is you both like/ want/ interested in. If you are looking for him to dominate you then maybe start simple, I’m assuming this is bedroom only so forgive me if I am wrong, but maybe he can ask you to go into the bedroom, undress and wait for him. Maybe discuss what you’d like to try in the first session. If it’s spanking/ flogging then he could ask you to go into the bedroom and wait bent over the bed. You could also watch some light bdsm porn together, can see how others do it. You will soon discover somewhat of a routine which will be a signal that a play session is starting. Like a pre session ritual. Just have fun and explore that’s the main thing. And communication is key. 

[Za****]

On 12/3/2019 at 10:07 PM, phoenyx said:

This may seem like a bold suggestion.  But, I'd say, start with the flogger.  Keep it simple.  Stand facing the wall, leaning toward it, with your hands above your head (as though be frisked by the police).  Allow him to work your bare back with the flogger.  Tell him to start out easy, barely brushing your skin with the tails.  Work back and forth in a figure-8 pattern---coming down at roughly 45 degrees.  Try to avoid the spine and sides of the body.  Gradually, work up in intensity.  This slow warm-up allows the endorphins to build.

You may have to talk him through this, at first.  You may want harder, or softer.  Don't forget to pause every so often, to rest and check-in with each other.  I have found that hand caresses during these pauses, can also be quite soothing.  If all goes well, you might never feel more that a slight sting, even once the thuds of impact get quite heavy.  The endorphin high though, is something to be experienced.

Don't worry if your first session seems rough and chaotic.  Takes practice.  Keep in mind, the flogging is done with a loving hand, not a brutal one.  Eventually, he will acquire the touch, and you both will be able to read each other's body language.  Words may no longer be necessary.  Soon, the endorphin and adrenaline high will cause other fantasies to come to mind.  You should know where to go from there.

Afterward, you should both sit together and rest.  Don't be afraid to ask for a hug, if you feel you need one.  Talk about the experience, if you both feel up to it.  Or, just rest in each other's arms, and save the discussion for later.

You might also want to sit together (at another time) and check-out some of the BDSM gear sold online.  This will give you an overview, and perhaps new ideas.  Etsy has quite a varied selection of bondage gear.  There are plenty of other online shops as well.  Maybe, nothing will jump out at you right away.  But, once you start to fantasize...

Hope this was of help.

Is in it better to attend a workshop or Demo regarding flogging before actually tried it ? If not experienced with the flogger wouldn’t be danger ?I mean if the person doing the flogging has no experience, than that would have the opposite effect to the person receiving it , if not done correctly?

 

z

[cautiousswitch]

5 hours ago, Zash said:

Is in it better to attend a workshop or Demo regarding flogging before actually tried it ? If not experienced with the flogger wouldn’t be danger ?I mean if the person doing the flogging has no experience, than that would have the opposite effect to the person receiving it , if not done correctly?

 

z

A flogger is easy to learn how to use, but that is part of what makes it dangerous.  It is something that can be learned from a good video, but there are probably a lot of bad videos out there.  Even then, the person doing the flogging has to keep their mind on what they are doing or they can start to make mistakes.

I will check with the woman who taught me flogging and message you a link if she can recommend one.

One thing that you didn't say in your initial post was who is the top and who is the bottom in this relationship.  From most of the replies it has been assumed that you are taking the roll of the bottom.  If this is the case then wear the cuff key on a chain around your neck, cuff your hands behind your back, and leave it to him figure out the rest - if you're not sure if he'll realize what your up to then get undressed first.  If you are going to take the top role then leave the cuffs sitting out with a note telling him that the next time you see him he'd better be wearing nothing but the cuffs.

[Za****]

1 hour ago, cautiousswitch said:

A flogger is easy to learn how to use, but that is part of what makes it dangerous.  It is something that can be learned from a good video, but there are probably a lot of bad videos out there.  Even then, the person doing the flogging has to keep their mind on what they are doing or they can start to make mistakes.

I will check with the woman who taught me flogging and message you a link if she can recommend one.

One thing that you didn't say in your initial post was who is the top and who is the bottom in this relationship.  From most of the replies it has been assumed that you are taking the roll of the bottom.  If this is the case then wear the cuff key on a chain around your neck, cuff your hands behind your back, and leave it to him figure out the rest - if you're not sure if he'll realize what your up to then get undressed first.  If you are going to take the top role then leave the cuffs sitting out with a note telling him that the next time you see him he'd better be wearing nothing but the cuffs.

Hi :) I am not the Op but I will definitely take the advise :). I will be attending a Flogging work shop this month and would like to try both bottom and top :)

 

I would be happy to get the link as well from your friend :) 

 

Z