Molly's BDSM Tips | Should My Partner and I Go Dogging?

What is dogging exactly? In celebration of our Outdoor Month, our BDSM advice guru Molly offers some tips to one couple interested in trying it for the first time. Buckle up! 

Dear Molly, 
I’ve long had a dogging fantasy. Recently my partner and I were sharing our sexual fantasies as part of us exploring things together. I decided to open up and tell him about my desire for trying dogging – I particularly like the idea of lots of men watching me masturbate. Since then we’ve talked about dogging a few times and he is really into the idea too, but we have never actually done it. Whilst we are both turned on by the idea, we’re wondering if it’s safe to actually try first time dogging, or whether it’s best left as a fantasy?

Dolly, UK

 

Dear Dolly,

I love that you and your partner have been sharing sexual fantasies with each other. That is such a brilliant way to explore your sex lives together and create an environment that's fun, playful and safe to be your sexual selves in. Having a dogging fantasy is not uncommon, so let’s talk about turning your fantasy into a reality!

What is dogging?

The term ‘dogging’ originated in the UK. It basically involves outdoor exhibitionism and sexual activity in a variety of locations, such as secluded car parks, wooded areas and other remote areas. Dogging usually involves cars, as it is common for couples to sit in their vehicle and perform sex acts whilst men – mostly alone – watch them. Some couples may invite ‘strangers’ to join in and others just want to be watched.

Is dogging legal and safe?

So, in terms of UK law, dogging is a grey area. Firstly, it’s not actually illegal to have outdoor sex in a public place. But what is illegal is to do so in a way that unwitting members of the pubic witness it. So, having sex in public toilets (so-called cottaging) or parks or other places where passersby may see you and be offended is against the law.

When it comes to dogging, the Association of Chief Police Officers say arrest is an absolute last result and something rarely done. It’s treated only as a crime if someone who witnessed it is prepared to make a formal complaint. So, location is all important when it comes to exploring dogging in the UK. If you're reading this outside of the UK, be sure to check the laws in your area. 

Dogging; a mix of exhibitionism, voyeurism, and car sex

How do I find dogging sites?

Dogging is a popular activity on the kink scene in the UK and there are many websites dedicated to this fetish. Some of them have forums so you can chat with others who like to go dogging, but often they list various dogging sites by area so you can find dogging sites near you. I would recommend chatting to other locals who like dogging, as that is one of the best ways to find out which sites are good to try and which are not. You may also want to check online to establish if various sites are for heterosexual couples or strictly for gay action.

Is dogging swinging?

Well, yes, it’s definitely a sub genre of swinging and many swinging websites in the UK have sections about dogging. Also, if you’re worried about the legal aspect of having sex in a public place, you could totally fulfill your fantasies of being watched at a swingers club.

Lots of people assume that if you go to a swingers club you have to have sex with other people, but that is absolutely not the case. Many couples go who just want to be watched or even just to watch. The swinging community is a very welcoming and friendly group, so it’s definitely an alternative to dogging if the public nature of that doesn’t feel quite right for you.

Safe dogging

Clearly there are risks involved in everything we do, but you definitely want to take precautions when it comes to dogging or any form of sexual activity with others. One of the big ones is to obviously go prepared for safer sex, so take plenty of condoms. Do not assume others will have them. If you have a womb you might also want to consider other forms of contraception (although you will still need condoms to reduce your risk of catching any STIs).

“Dogging usually involves cars, as it's common for couples to sit in their vehicle and perform sex acts whilst men – mostly alone – watch them.”

Furthermore, make sure you’re going with someone you trust and have talked through any rules you have between yourselves or things that you know you definitely would not want to do. Also, talk through what it is about dogging that makes you horny so you and your partner will both have a good time.

You can also use dogging forums to arrange to meet other doggers at a specific time. Of course, you can always turn up to a dogging spot on the off chance and hope for the best – the spontaneity and mystery can also be part of the fun!

Wanna ride? Dogging usually takes place in remote car parks

What do I have to do if I go dogging?

Again, there is lots of info out there about dogging etiquette, but you don’t have to do anything. If you get to a dogging spot and choose to just stay in your car and eventually decide to just leave that will be absolutely fine. Or, if you decide to try doing a little something with your partner and see how you feel when people are watching that is also fine.

“I would recommend chatting to other locals who like dogging, as that is one of the best ways to find out which sites are good to try and which are not.”

It’s possible that people will ask if they can join in or ask you to open the window or door, but you can absolutely ignore them or politely say ‘no’, unless you decide you want to get involved. Basically, take it at your own pace and see how you both feel.

Final thoughts: should I go dogging?

So, this is where it gets trickier. Can you go dogging? Absolutely. There are tons of resources online to help you find places to fulfill this fantasy. But should you go dogging? That's harder to answer because it's so personal to you and your partner. I do think it’s a fantasy that you can explore in a safe and measured way to see how you feel about being watched by one or multiple voyeurs.

I also think maybe exploring a swingers club is a really good way to indulge your exhibitionist fantasies in a more controlled environment. It would certainly help you to establish if you enjoyed getting involved with others in public, or if the reality of that is not for you.

My advice is to do your research on some dogging locations and swingers clubs. Talk with your partner about what you both find sexy about the idea but also spend time considering the things you wouldn’t want to do, so you both have a clear picture of each other’s boundaries. Dip your toe into the swinging/dogging community and see if that makes you want to carry on or not. If you’re both willing to explore and on the same page when it comes to fulfilling these fantasies I totally think you should try it out together and hopefully it will open up a whole new sexual world to you both.

Good luck!
Molly x

If you need any more Domme dating advice, or want to discuss any other kink-related issue, contact Molly via her Fetish profile. Wanna share your experiences about dogging? Leave a comment!

 
Images: shutterstock/mineevph and shutterstock/David Tadevosian