Spice Up Your Sex Life | Taking Your BDSM Play Out of the Bedroom

Be you a kinky single novice, an adventurous couple, or a skill seeking triad; there comes a time when you're ready to spice up your sex life and take it to public play parties. Writer Zoë Tersche shows you how.

Meeting potential play partners

In-person connections are the best ones to make. Attractive user profiles can get a multitude of messages and online inquiries a day. Taking these interactions offline helps filter out the posers from the real players, allowing you to differentiate between the ones who are interested in playing, versus those only into sexting or receiving hot nudes. Meeting in real life is particularly important when it comes to matching kink compatibility, which can be difficult to measure screen-to-screen. Reading the vibe of a person in front of you is a more effective way to detect if their dominant side might mesh well with your submissive and vice-versa.

As MTV's Catfish has proven, it's impossible to know the face behind a username before seeing it in person. Anyone can claim good intentions from behind the wall of the internet, but those intentions aren't put to the test until you're indulging in BDSM play in public. It's more difficult to get away with malintent when more than one pair of eyes are on you.

Spice up your sex life in a safe way

Even if you already know and trust the person with whom you want to spice up your sex life, engaging in BDSM play at public events is an additional step toward ensuring your own as well as your partner's safety. Apart from the obvious bonus of having witnesses present, there will also be some experienced players at your disposal to help if anything goes wrong. Some parties even have medical personnel on the premises, should they be needed. And what better a way to prove a mistake “won't happen again” then to turn to a seasoned practitioner for guidance?

Use play parties for skill development

Kink can be complicated. Even the basest, most bare-bones power exchange requires a certain level of technique. The internet contains a wealth of resources, including video tutorials, but live demos enable you to ask questions, practice, and receive feedback in real-time.

The often nurturing and supportive environment that many play parties offer is one conducive to learning new skills. If your focus is to spice up your sex life and get kinky, all of your time at a play party may be devoted to a scene. However, it is more likely that you'll spend a chunk of that time socialising, walking around, and watching. People who play in public generally like being watched, and respectful audiences are usually welcome to witness unfolding scenes - this is a simple way to turn voyeurism into an educational experience.

Spice up your sex life: two women at a fetish club
Wanna spice up your sex life? Take it from the bedroom to a kinky play party!

Learning what kinks you like

There are a lot of different kinks out there. Without proper exposure, it's impossible to discover what might be pleasurable. Dungeon parties offer a smorgasbord of samplings, making them the perfect spot to spice up your sex life. Sometimes, it takes seeing something executed to realise you'd like to be the recipient or instigator of that activity. And if you ask nicely once a scene has finished, you might even be able to experience it yourself. Never hesitate to say “I'm new to kink,” or, “I'm new to the scene.” People will respect your honesty and will be better equipped to guide you through a technique or sample if they know your experience level.

Taking your new BDSM skills back into the bedroom

If you're going to a party alone, you can later impress your partner(s) that stayed home with your new-found finesse, or level up a scene with whoever accompanied you. Like anything else, bondage rope, caning, general bondage, and all other BDSM skills take practice. Play parties make a great classroom, but before returning, make sure you do your fair share of homework back in bed.

Zoë Tersche is a New York-based writer focusing on fetish sexuality and the freedom of sexual expression.