Why is communication my downfall?

[PL****]

So a little advice is needed. I am a submissive and I am great at communicating my wants, needs, desires, and limits. I listen to my partner's wants, needs, and desires as well as respect their limits. I submit and I often do so at my own expense. I have partners who agree to all terms and tell me that they will meet my specific needs. Some try to meet some but more often than not I find myself submitting to the point that I sacrifice my satisfaction. Help!

[Ra****]

This is not your downfall, it is theirs.

[DJWolfDaddy]

As a loving daddy Dom I can feel for you and it's the ones that say they want to be with you but then don't follow through those are nothing but players and have no intention whatsoever of being play partners for ongoing. I will tell you now that if you were up here in Iowa with me things would be different as I would happily want to have you submit to me on a regular basis because I do follow through and I do want the right submissive who I can form the connection and bond with because communication is critical to forming that Bond and connection along with a good relationship. Just continue to be yourself but also Express you know what it is that you want and will not settle for anything less than what you are wanting.

[Tara131]

I’m kind of in the same boat. I read your profile and you are very good at communicating. It was very clear to me what you are looking for. I think the question becomes are the Doms we are playing with also good at communicating? Are their words in alignment with their actions? Most of the time they aren’t. I think you solved it yourself, you said you end up submitting at your own expense. Why do we do this? That’s where we should be strong. Hold the Dom accountable for who they are as a person. Vet them better. Does this make sense?

[DJWolfDaddy]

23 minutes ago, Tara131 said:

I’m kind of in the same boat. I read your profile and you are very good at communicating. It was very clear to me what you are looking for. I think the question becomes are the Doms we are playing with also good at communicating? Are their words in alignment with their actions? Most of the time they aren’t. I think you solved it yourself, you said you end up submitting at your own expense. Why do we do this? That’s where we should be strong. Hold the Dom accountable for who they are as a person. Vet them better. Does this make sense?

For me as a dominant communication is critical to form the bond, the connection, trust and so much more. Frankly I expect regular communication between myself and the submissive who is wanting to be with me

[Saxyblue57]

Regular communication is a must minimal effort from a dominant is totally wasting your time. We are all on a journey know what you want what your needs and desires are and ensure they match. Take your time get to know the Dominant and don’t give submission freely trust loyalty honor respect is needed. A dominant can offer his dominance but you are always in control of who you offer your submission to. Find someone who is truly interested in getting to know you first as the beautiful submissive you are and who is actually going to care about you and be there for you and learn and grow together. There are many here who say they are dominant and who actually have no clue what a dominant submissive relationship involves. Please don’t settle make sure the dominant is right for you make wise choices. Be safe and take good care of yourself.

[Deleted Member]

There are so many Dom men who use kink as a way to *** women and know nothing about consent negotiation and bodily autonomy! If possible try to vet them before you play! Ty for posting this!

[Lord_Talion]

If by that your not satisfied by the general act of serving others than you may need a good freind to govern the idealistics of your submision in order to ensure you get what you need

[fi****]

I find that the wrong men keep getting chances and opportunities. They learn through these situations how to manipulate, thus preying on insecurities.

[Shilo66]

I've looked through your profile, and there’s nothing wrong with your communication.... it's who YOU choose that is the issue.

And this is where we find out if you can or cannot take accountability for your choices and decisions.

This isn't meant to be a harsh comment, more a 'wake up call.

Many women on here, when they fall for the looks, the words, or even the voices, tend to ignore the massive RED FLAGS being waved in their faces once they're smitten.

Consequently, what then follows is that every time they're duped by a guy, it's always his fault for being a master manipulator and never their fault for choosing him.

Ignore the red flags at your peril.

Again, this is a wake up call, sorry if it comes across as being a little harsh.

There's only so many times you can blame it on them, before having to admit to yourself, it's also partially your own fault for picking them... because of ignoring those red flags.

Edited July 26 by Shilo66

[PL****]

Saturday at 07:18 PM, Shilo66 said:

I've looked through your profile, and there’s nothing wrong with your communication.... it's who YOU choose that is the issue.

And this is where we find out if you can or cannot take accountability for your choices and decisions.

This isn't meant to be a harsh comment, more a 'wake up call.

Many women on here, when they fall for the looks, the words, or even the voices, tend to ignore the massive RED FLAGS being waved in their faces once they're smitten.

Consequently, what then follows is that every time they're duped by a guy, it's always his fault for being a master manipulator and never their fault for choosing him.

Ignore the red flags at your peril.

Again, this is a wake up call, sorry if it comes across as being a little harsh.

There's only so many times you can blame it on them, before having to admit to yourself, it's also partially your own fault for picking them... because of ignoring those red flags.

I am not saying I am without fault. I agree that I must take responsibility. My goal was to try to understand that other perspective, because it always happens so slowly, that feelings cloud judgements...an example: at first it's "I don't like when you bite me that hard and that's ignored, then another little thing until my submissive voice is no longer heard." Now here's the rub, the strength of the emotions, bonds, and trust that have been built becomes more powerful. I do not know if you have ever been fully submissive to a partner, but for those like me who do have our inner demons, that conflict is hard to wrestle with. Yes, I chose him/her but they also choose to become my dom, which should account for their behavior as they know I will submit even if it's not to my liking because I need that submission to feel pleasure.

[In****]

Please take my words with a grain of salt. I'm not all that experienced in BDSM, but I am experienced in abusive relationships. Of course, I can't possibly comment on the big picture because I can only view your perspective. However, I'm picking up a lot of red flags from your words. Most importantly, in the first post, you laid out your actual problem:

"I submit and I often do so at my own expense."

It hurt my heart to read that. I haven't been fully submissive to someone to the extent that I fail to breathe, if that makes sense. I feel like if something is causing damage, which it is, then you need to review it. From what you described, it'll be incredibly hard, but you need to ensure that you are not putting yourself in situations where it will hurt you or even put you at a disadvantage. As @Shilo66 said, you must take control and protect yourself. Yes, they may be taking advantage IF they know, like you mention your words were ignored... that should be a signal to get out. 

Regarding the comment that they accepted to be your Dom and should account for behaviour... Anyone can agree to be your Dom, and as you say there it's clear they're taking up the role knowing they can push boundaries and you will submit anyway. You know this, yet you let them. It well and truly sounds like you need to learn to lay down the law. As a submissive, it's your role to also make sure they know your limits, and when they cross them, they're out. 

You deserve to be happy, just need to make sure you prioritise yourself. I can understand the addiction to a certain feeling, but you need to be strong and look after yourself, or it's going to keep happening. I'd disregard trying to see it from their point of view. Also, from my experience... In general, a woman who says what she wants, knows what she wants and continues to monitor and support what she wants is amazingly attractive so, say it with ya chest.