What kind of dom am I?

[Deleted Member]

So I've often been told I'm a soft dom but I was wondering what a soft dom is and how it differes from a regular dom?

[Adamc90]

Basically a soft dom is more gentle with their sub. A soft dom asks their sub to obey them. A hard dom wants to make them obey. Hard doms may use more degrading whereas soft will likely encourage more (of course some aspects can still come into both etc a soft may still degrade and a hard dom may encourage)

[typhoon2]

There are as many definitions as there are kinksters. Best advice is to ask the people claiming that you're a soft Dom to explain what THEY mean by the term. 'Hard/soft Dom' are not as explicit as, say, the terms 'hard limit' or ''.

[TheBookCollector]

Best advice i can offer is to be yourself, dont worry what others think or label you as because there are no cookie cutter definitions of what a dominant (or submissive) is. We are all unique and different. If someone cannot accept you for who you are then pass them by.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Adamc90 said:

Basically a soft dom is more gentle with their sub. A soft dom asks their sub to obey them. A hard dom wants to make them obey. Hard doms may use more degrading whereas soft will likely encourage more (of course some aspects can still come into both etc a soft may still degrade and a hard dom may encourage)

Not sure where you got that definition from? 🤷‍♂️

[Deleted Member]

I could guess you might be a Daddy nurturing type of Dom/Top. If you only start maybe just forgot about title. As theBookCollector says just be yourself, read, learn, progress. It’s a private relationship, dynamic between you and your partner. Don’t try to be what you are not. 

[Th****]

Hi Iest,
I used to think that I was on the softer side of the Dominant scale, though I used the term Sensual Dominant.

I have since learnt that all I can be is my authentic self. Just being the Dominant that I am comfortable being.

The biggest lesson in all these years is what makes the biggest difference for myself is not me. It is how my submissive reacts to stimuli.

I am not particularly sadistic but if my submissive really enjoys *** then it is another way to give her pleasure.

So I think in the end the defining feature of my Dominance is my submissive. After all they bring out our Dominance and give it a form and shape.

In the same way the synchronosity of the dynamic means that our Dominance brings out their submission.

It is a most beautiful evolution.
I hope that this made some sense. 😊

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Thebian said:

Hi Iest,
I used to think that I was on the softer side of the Dominant scale, though I used the term Sensual Dominant.

I have since learnt that all I can be is my authentic self. Just being the Dominant that I am comfortable being.

The biggest lesson in all these years is what makes the biggest difference for myself is not me. It is how my submissive reacts to stimuli.

I am not particularly sadistic but if my submissive really enjoys *** then it is another way to give her pleasure.

So I think in the end the defining feature of my Dominance is my submissive. After all they bring out our Dominance and give it a form and shape.

In the same way the synchronosity of the dynamic means that our Dominance brings out their submission.

It is a most beautiful evolution.
I hope that this made some sense. 😊

Thanks for the reply, yeah I'm always myself when it comes to my dominance over a sub. I suppose before and after I am more of a caring and sensual dom while during it's more sadistic if that makes sense. Thanks for reply

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 09:47 AM, Thebian said:

Hi Iest,
I used to think that I was on the softer side of the Dominant scale, though I used the term Sensual Dominant.

I have since learnt that all I can be is my authentic self. Just being the Dominant that I am comfortable being.

The biggest lesson in all these years is what makes the biggest difference for myself is not me. It is how my submissive reacts to stimuli.

I am not particularly sadistic but if my submissive really enjoys *** then it is another way to give her pleasure.

So I think in the end the defining feature of my Dominance is my submissive. After all they bring out our Dominance and give it a form and shape.

In the same way the synchronosity of the dynamic means that our Dominance brings out their submission.

It is a most beautiful evolution.
I hope that this made some sense. 😊

Well said Bian

[Leisa]

I was once told by a dear friend that he was a fluffy Dom whose nature was to be kind and caring. It’s a great quality to have and should never be used as an insult. For me I’m a brat and if my Dominant tried to be harsh and firm I’d rebel whereas I’m much more compliant and lovingly playful when faced with a decision. I have found this information and guidance from this friend to be valuable when talking and negotiating with a potential Dom. Embrace who you are and remember the dynamic is only as strong as those involved in it. Who cares what others try to classify you as?

[Leisa]

Monday at 07:47 AM, Thebian said:

Hi Iest,
I used to think that I was on the softer side of the Dominant scale, though I used the term Sensual Dominant.

I have since learnt that all I can be is my authentic self. Just being the Dominant that I am comfortable being.

The biggest lesson in all these years is what makes the biggest difference for myself is not me. It is how my submissive reacts to stimuli.

I am not particularly sadistic but if my submissive really enjoys *** then it is another way to give her pleasure.

So I think in the end the defining feature of my Dominance is my submissive. After all they bring out our Dominance and give it a form and shape.

In the same way the synchronosity of the dynamic means that our Dominance brings out their submission.

It is a most beautiful evolution.
I hope that this made some sense. 😊

But you are. All one needs to do is ask your submissive.

[Th****]

On 5/5/2021 at 11:38 AM, Leisa said:

But you are. All one needs to do is ask your submissive.

Thank you Leisa,

As always wise words, I am still proud to be fluffy. 

May happiness dog your every step in to the future. 

[Jesabug]

There are roughly 5 kinds of Doms/Dommes. 1) Soft Doms/Dommes: more gentile, emotionally based Doms/Dommes. 2) Hard Doms: more rigid and strict Doms/Dommes. 3) Fin Dom/Dommes: financial Doms/Dommes 4) Brat Tamers: Bless these people. They are brave enough to take on bratty subs. 5)Masters/Mistress’: expects more from their slaves, accepts full responsibility, strict.
All Doms/Dommes have many similar qualities. It has more to do with how the Dom/Domme earns the submission of their sub and maintains their submission.

[Leisa]

Thursday at 04:39 PM, Thebian said:

Thank you Leisa,

As always wise words, I am still proud to be fluffy. 

May happiness dog your every step in to the future. 

From your mouth to a worthy Doms ears. It’s never easy.

[pe****]

Dom differ as much as subs do; I’m a fetish Dom with a powerful interest in the intellectual aspects of sex/BDSM; my primary fetish is a woman’s earlobes, as I explore what other fetishes I have.