Dom

[Ea****]

How does one learn to be a Dom? I'm a dominant person IRL but have no idea how to translate that to the bedroom. I usually prefer a partner that knows what they like and can communicate that, maybe I don't fully understand how to lead?!

[Lo****]

Believe it or not, usually people who are dominant in every day life tend to be submissive in the bedroom, and vice versa. There's decent reading options on FetLife :)

[Na****]

You may very well not be a Dom in the bedroom. From what I've seen, a lot of "boss" type people like to let go and be taken care of in bed. Just an observation.

I'm insanely curious about this question as well, as while I've determined I like being in charge of my partner and telling them what to do and how, I don't fully understand the intricacies of being a Dom...

[Lu****]

Well for one, not everyone does know what they want. Unfortunately many haven't taken the time to ask. Or even if they do, they don't really listen....it's not necessarily your job to get them to know what they want, but it IS your job to allow your sub to feel SAFE enough to even ask. And it's not all about the sec either, it's everything leading up to and after it. You establish safewords, boundaries, hard limits, soft limits, and you keep that information readily available. If they like to be talked to? Talk to them. You can make it fun, but just check in that you're making them happy and that they're comfortable, don't feel pressured into anything. After climax, you give aftercare. This can be as simple as gently cleaning your sub with care, getting back in bed to embrace them, and just saying how proud and happy with them you are, and just asking once more if they're alright. Btw if a sub cries after climax, it doesn't always mean anything bad. Sometimes the pleasure or connection, if not found with others, can feel overwhelming. Especially if one moment you're there and the next you're just gone. Like hot to cold. It's a psychological thing. So honestly? Most of it is just making sure you know everything they're willing to divulge BEFORE sex, them during you just be sure to check in some, and be sure to continue that check in during aftercare. Dominance above all else, at least to me, is keeping that line of communication open ALWAYS and never allowing your sub to feel like you don't hear them or don't care. We want to feel comforted. Wanted. Safe. Even in the bedroom. That's a big job for anyone of course, but given time a Dom can be the best and most loving the***utic and healing presence a sub could need. You build up trust. You build their confidence. And you know what? With confidence comes MORE communication ✨️ So do your part well my friend, and your sub will in turn open up. Everyone varies of course, but i strongly believe everything I've said above can apply to most general Dom/Sub dynamics. I hope you find what you're seeking friend, and always seek to learn more. Also, good Doms ask questions and seek advice to be better, so you've already got a fantastic start.

[Lu****]

Btw apologies for the autocorrect and typos. Unfortunately can't edit but hope it was clear enough lol I swear I can spell 😆

[Lu****]

Ooooo Lone Primal also had a great response! That was one of my first thoughts too, but wanted to give you an answer to your question first in case it's truly what you want but just seeking guidance. But absolutely, some that are dominant in literally every other aspect of life just want to let go and for someone else to hold that burden for a while. Very fair.

[gr****]

i’m a sub! but i feel from
experiencing natural doms vs ***d doms if it comes natural you are if it doesn’t you’re probably not one… i’ve been disappointed by fake doms a lot of

[de****]

If you consider yourself ‘dominant’ IRL you should probably be a sub.

[jg****]

Being a Dom isn’t about the control it’s about trust. If you are having trouble saying what you want maybe there’s a deeper issue. I’m a dominate person irl with and hold a job with authority and I still enjoy being a Dom in the bedroom because it’s a different type of authority I have. One allows me to have authority because of a title, the other is given to me by someone who fully trusts me, and I trust them. Also try being a sub see if you enjoy that more, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. Life is too short not to try as many things as you can. If it’s not hurting you or other people (consensually) why not try it.

[OrganicBeta]

Read/listen to erotica. Not 50 shades of grey... that was just 💩.
A lot of erotica fiction is written by those that have experience or are in the world of kink/bdsm.

[th****]

Why is the word the***utic censored ?

[Pu****]

I've learned after a 15 failed marriage were she had a vary amsculine attire and I let her get away with a lot simply to avoid issues, i learned that I could never be in that sub like position, I had a Primal need and desire, to Dominate, however there is a big difference between submission earned through a deep rooted bond in trust,mutual, love, even, and ***, i agree with organic, stay away from 50 shades of garbage as an idea to be dom, read books that better explained the psychological aspects of dominance and submission. Take a deep dive into who you are as a individual, your primal needs and desires, curiosity and fantasies,

[th****]

1 hour ago, Naughty_Niaw*** said:

You may very well not be a Dom in the bedroom. From what I've seen, a lot of "boss" type people like to let go and be taken care of in bed. Just an observation.

I'm insanely curious about this question as well, as while I've determined I like being in charge of my partner and telling them what to do and how, I don't fully understand the intricacies of being a Dom...

I don’t get that. How is that being taken care of unless your a pet getting pampered? Most of the time doms are rough and it can be brutal

[Pu****]

Seek out a local dungeons that maybe hold classes in identity through kink,

[Me****]

Read the new topping book it will help you

[vv****]

44 minutes ago, theegyptianking said:

Why is the word the***utic censored ?

Censor bot looks for no-no words but can’t differentiate when the letters are part of another word entirely.
It’s the middle 4 letters that got censored. Just one of the many frustrating bugs on Fet.

[Ob****]

I would sum up many of the comments into two things.
.
1. Decide where you want to Dom from. Some people Dom from an energy which is their strength, some do it from an energy which is in their dark zone. Some blend the two.
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2. Depending on your answer to 1, if you want to truly master your Dom craft, be a sub first/sometimes, and use the experience to form one of the inputs to inform you Dom-Ness.
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Then I'd say work on the process stuff (including ethical BDSM models, scene building, kinks, etc), work on your Dom-from (where and how you express your Dominance), and get going.
.
Keep the learning alive as you get going. Its not just at the beginning. And the best way to do it includes great communication with your sub.

A final note: many subs talk about fake doms. I talk about authentic Doms vs Performative Doms. Dont be a Performative Dom. This isn't just about intent, its about housekeeping too. Keep comms open, stay connected to your inner Guru, be honest about what you don't know, learn and be aware, don't become blasé about the power given to you.

If you can be and do all of that, you'll be a Dom, my son. :-)

[No****]

As a woman answering: we want: chivalry/gentleman like protection and safety. That makes u look very masq that u care about us. Then… u assert what u like. (Not rude not crude). Probably *** point for men. And then when she accepts and does what u want… keep going. But never cross the line

[TheRigger]

Old Dom here.

My experience a sub will submit if they feel safe, there is a level of trust, limits are respected, agreed upon and never pushed.

Can you demonstrate genuine after care? This is a biggy. Take care of your sub when she needs a cuddle.

Treat her like a princess (or in a way that makes her feel special) and you may get the slut at night - not guaranteed.

When it comes to the bedroom if you get the above in place, the bedroom activities will come naturally. This will expand and grow as you get to know each other, what works what don't, what gives you mutual kick, discovery soft and hard limits, etc. Allow this to grow organically - don't push it, learn to read the subs body, mind and signals. Safe words can be a big help.

Read the book: "Why men don't listen, and woman can't read maps" by Alan and Barbara Pease

Remember:
Submission is a gift, that can be taken away

Dominant is not domination and submission is not subservient.

Hope that helps.

[Bi****]

Most dominant persons i know IRL are total subs in bed

[TheRigger]

14 minutes ago, Birthdayboy said:

Most dominant persons i know IRL are total subs in bed

Interesting - apart an experience of what it is like to be a sub, I have no inclining to be a sub in bed or else where, I have dominant personality and a Alpha male military background.
Not disputing your statement I am sure there are some - maybe some from group describe above.
It also maybe the group you associate with has a high number of Doms with some sub tendencies.

[da****]

Yeah I was going to say it’s not the same. I am dom irl and in the bedroom but the way you are Dom is totally different.

[da****]

The correlation is sexual

[WS****]

Hey bro, I hear where you’re coming from and I have most of my experience, life experience, leadership and being dominant amongst my ***rs and whatever it is, we’re doing as a man now I dom in a bedroom has two times. The pure form which is the affirm stereotype who also brings that into the bedroom and then there’s the fantasy dom which are people acting out the traits that guys like us would naturally have and carry. So translating it would depend on which angle you’re coming from. I could give you a class on this bro and I really like it. Any information for you if you wanna hit me up.

[ad****]

My view is that, even in D/S dynamics - the sub is actually in control if they are letting you dominate. Talk about consent beforehand, and what the boundaries are - which are firm, and which can be bent. They have safe words etc. So I would recommend find a sub you can explore it with, and learn from them and their experience. You’ll find elements you lean in to, and aspects that you don’t. Then you’ll find a dom style that feels natural to you. This is how it played out for me