F Non binary Dominant being called Sir?

[Deleted Member]

Hi,

Just a question regarding what one likes to be called during play? I am non binary afab. However, in a spiritual sense I am understanding both my masculinity and femininity. Personally in my daily life, I lean more to being masculine, although also in touch with my feminine. It's a bit of a gruelling journey. 

Anyhow, I personally don't like being called mistress. I feel very uncomfortable with it. My preference is to be called Sir. I'm not sure how to tackle this if I was to be in a scene. Believe it or not, some people do assume that I automatically wish to be called mistress. 

For me it's an important issue because my sexuality is an important issue and I need to be true to myself and my own preferences. 

Im just not sure how to even begin a conversation around it if it becomes necessary for me to do so. 

I don't enjoy explaining too much. It's not just about my enjoyment though. I care that the other person likes that as well. 

I wonder if anyone else experiences/experienced this and how you dealt with it. Thank you. 

[ge****]

If your preference is to be called "Sir" then you explain that is your preference as part of any discussion prior to any play, just as you would discuss limits and boundaries etc - it really is that simple.
.
You don't even need to explain your preference beyond stating it's your preference.

[DLDaddy1285]

Simple. State your claim at the beginning

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, DLDaddy1285 said:

Simple. State your claim at the beginning

Well it's not actually that simple. If it was I wouldn't need to post about it. Some have no idea what non binary even is. I have been asked if I am trans. I truly want to be helpful and educate but it happens too often. I begin to sound like a stuck record player. Also, it would be nice to have an experience where I don't have to explain anything at all and a conversation flows nicely. I'm ok if someone is genuinely interested and wants to actually understand and learn but it's not always the case. Hardly a great prelude to any future anything really. So, I'm putting the question out there. 

[ey****]

I'm aware of a non-binary afab who uses Sir as a honorific.   Have met, played and filmed with them.

Yes, some people struggle with it and will struggle with it - but this is on them to kinda learn if they want to play with you.

[Deleted Member]

You say you don't want to be called Mistress. You state you want to be called Sir. That is it for that part. You don't even have to explain why and nobody should really ask. That's the thing with boundaries, we accept others people's limits. We don't argue about them. If anyone starts an argument about that, they need to learn about consent more than anything.
Secondly, you DO TELL them that you are no binary, right?
Otherwise it's at least a bit of a grey area morally. Could very easily be considered sex under false pretenses, if they believe you're a (binary)pppp woman.
Not to mention you're own comfort. Is it really okay for you to have sex with people who see you as the wrong gender? That's your decision to make, though.
Anyway, if you do tell them you're nonbinary, and they don't know what that means, then it is on you to give BASIC explanation.
If they don't get it or don't care it's for you to decide whether they're worth your time educating them or if you leave.
And during all that you can easily slip in your preferred honorific.

So basically just one sentence,like "just so you know I am nonbinary, bigender to be exact (or whatever it is in your case, IF you want to be more precise) and I want you to call me Sir, not Mistress."

There you go.

[Deleted Member]

One thing I forgot. If people ask if you're trans, they technically are correct. It's yours how you label yourself. But nonbinary people totally fit under the trans umbrella, as in, your actual gender and your assignment gender aren't the same. That's enough to be trans, enough to be part of the trans community, etc. if you want.
Though, yeah, they probably mean something else, I assume.

And sorry for the typos, not sure what happened there.

[Matttster]

You should be called whatever makes you feel comfortable, be it Sir, Mistress, Master, Dude, or Slowsteady. As long as they are respectful.

Be open and honest about who you are. You can change what you are called each session if you want, what ever suits your fancy at the time. It could be part of being Top. As the Top, you compose the scene, so start the scene by instructing your partner what to call you. It can become part of your scene, if they forget what to call you, they get punished.

Regardless what you decide on, do what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t worry about what others think. If they cannot accept your secession, are they the type of people that you want to be with?

[Ch****]

It's all part of the negotiation, if they have trouble keeping to it, it's fair to correct mid scene, but also a fair reason to end the scene if they have trouble keeping to the negotiated terminology.

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm aware of a non-binary afab who uses Sir as a honorific.   Have met, played and filmed with them.

Yes, some people struggle with it and will struggle with it - but this is on them to kinda learn if they want to play with you.

Hey blacksheep, thanks so much. This helps me feel a lot more at peace with myself and correct, it is on them. 

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, Lady_Sylvana said:

You say you don't want to be called Mistress. You state you want to be called Sir. That is it for that part. You don't even have to explain why and nobody should really ask. That's the thing with boundaries, we accept others people's limits. We don't argue about them. If anyone starts an argument about that, they need to learn about consent more than anything.
Secondly, you DO TELL them that you are no binary, right?
Otherwise it's at least a bit of a grey area morally. Could very easily be considered sex under false pretenses, if they believe you're a (binary)pppp woman.
Not to mention you're own comfort. Is it really okay for you to have sex with people who see you as the wrong gender? That's your decision to make, though.
Anyway, if you do tell them you're nonbinary, and they don't know what that means, then it is on you to give BASIC explanation.
If they don't get it or don't care it's for you to decide whether they're worth your time educating them or if you leave.
And during all that you can easily slip in your preferred honorific.

So basically just one sentence,like "just so you know I am nonbinary, bigender to be exact (or whatever it is in your case, IF you want to be more precise) and I want you to call me Sir, not Mistress."

There you go.

Hi there, 

Thank you. This has simplified everything for me and I have learnt and decided how I will move forward differently. I always tell someone I am non binary. I am very open and honest about it. I love being non binary and I love being who I am. To me it is important people do know (when it is appropriate) that I say something. You are also correct in saying that we respect others limits, boundaries and preferences. The same should occur for both people involved. 

 

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Matttster said:

You should be called whatever makes you feel comfortable, be it Sir, Mistress, Master, Dude, or Slowsteady. As long as they are respectful.

Be open and honest about who you are. You can change what you are called each session if you want, what ever suits your fancy at the time. It could be part of being Top. As the Top, you compose the scene, so start the scene by instructing your partner what to call you. It can become part of your scene, if they forget what to call you, they get punished.

Regardless what you decide on, do what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t worry about what others think. If they cannot accept your secession, are they the type of people that you want to be with?

Hey Matttster, 

I agree, I should be called whatever makes me feel comfortable. If there was a request from someone I was in a session with to be called something that they prefer and it did not make me feel uncomfortable calling them such a name, then I would honor it. I have very strong values and morals. For me everything must be respectful towards a person, honesty, openess and communication are very important to me. I expect the same in return, if I am not getting that, then nine times out of ten, I end it. 

I accept myself as I am. Matttster, if someone does not accept me as I am and I know it, I do move on very quickly. I end anything and everything that could be happening. I do not have time for that nor will I make time for it in my life. 

Thank you so much for your post. 

 

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, PuppetMasterC said:

It's all part of the negotiation, if they have trouble keeping to it, it's fair to correct mid scene, but also a fair reason to end the scene if they have trouble keeping to the negotiated terminology.

I totally agree with you PuppetMaster

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, Lady_Sylvana said:

One thing I forgot. If people ask if you're trans, they technically are correct. It's yours how you label yourself. But nonbinary people totally fit under the trans umbrella, as in, your actual gender and your assignment gender aren't the same. That's enough to be trans, enough to be part of the trans community, etc. if you want.
Though, yeah, they probably mean something else, I assume.

And sorry for the typos, not sure what happened there.

Ohhhh thank you! You know what, I actually didn't even know this. I absolutely love the trans community. If I see one of them out and about walking the streets, I always attempt to make eye contact and give them a nod and a smile to acknowledge them. I know the struggles and I know what it feels like to feel alone, so in my way it is paying my respects and honor for them being out in the world, being 100 percent them. Thanks heaps!

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, slowsteady said:

Ohhhh thank you! You know what, I actually didn't even know this. I absolutely love the trans community. If I see one of them out and about walking the streets, I always attempt to make eye contact and give them a nod and a smile to acknowledge them. I know the struggles and I know what it feels like to feel alone, so in my way it is paying my respects and honor for them being out in the world, being 100 percent them. Thanks heaps!

Ah, okay. Just make sure you don't make them feel uncomfortable. Most trans people don't like to be clocked. If they're openly trans it's great. If they're not... We'll, as long as its just a friendly smile.
Anyway, happy to help :) Maybe you could get in contact more with a local or online LGBTQ+ group or read some publications. Especially with gender stuff I feel it is very helpful to your general have more exchange with peers.

[Deleted Member]

18 hours ago, Lady_Sylvana said:

Ah, okay. Just make sure you don't make them feel uncomfortable. Most trans people don't like to be clocked. If they're openly trans it's great. If they're not... We'll, as long as its just a friendly smile.
Anyway, happy to help :) Maybe you could get in contact more with a local or online LGBTQ+ group or read some publications. Especially with gender stuff I feel it is very helpful to your general have more exchange with peers.

Thanks for the further advice Lady_Sylvana