Non-Binary Kinkster | Finding the 'Real Me' Through Kink

10 hours ago, MissHairyPrincess said:

This is literally anecdotal - “ I don’t feel this way so how can anyone else “ - with a sprinkle of “I’m the real deal , and therefore you all are fake : and if I can’t figure it out —NOBODY else can “

You reek of self righteousness and self destruction all at the same time .

I wish you luck in your lonely world .

 

Pointing out that the non-binary narrative and Trans narrative are fundamentally opposed- Trans people are all about Binary identities by nature. And that the whole movement aims to erase sex from the equation even tho it affects and matters to people a lot isn't self righteous.

Really looking at it Intersex - Non-Binary - & Trans perspectives and problems/goals might look similar enough to generalize on the surface its far from the truth. Respectfully sharing, pointing that out, and saying I dont get it either after doing all the work and understanding why people without that incentive and deep understanding struggle hardly is a attack or judgment.

It amounts to a invitation to explain things better if were all so backwards after pointing to some barriers in understanding if my conclusions are sooooooo wrong and off base.

The fact that all you can do is attack my character and project self righteous condensation on me speaks more to how on the mark I am then not. Pitty real nuanced conversation about anything is impossible on the internet.

--------- on a more personal note.

and also given the nature of a lot of these "wrong body" arguments and dysphoria as something not a mental illness. Someone like me should speak to nature and some reality versus theory and the hypothetical.

Im literally female sexed and spent decades thinking I was a man. First there were plenty of differences for myself that were sex based and I didn't really understand things about my male friends and how they were driven. I took these differences just as quirks of who I was as a individual and differences in temperament, people are all a collection of diverse factors anyway. Second none of these differences ever made me feel dysphoric, litteral girl body, girl parts, passed ignorant as a man for 3 decades. Not once did I ever feel in the "wrong body" or gender I simply was myself and will always be myself.

So yeah from my perspective sex matters a bunch as part of the make up of who we are and what the hell exactly is dysphoria then? As a case study I am literally the textbook argument for it on a fiber of my being biological level. A living negative proof asking questions over here about what exactly people believe and are even talking about. I get more senseless screeching and character attacks then coherent explanations. 

People like me are rare, and I think everyone is valid in their own way, but its worth speaking up and asking questions from my perspective. What exactly are we talking about and how is it supposed to work... in detail please. Actual policy is being written on this stuff and affecting peoples lives... 

Edited February 19, 2023 by 6e27ee6a12468cc5617537c3c64023f4
ammending

I think every community still has some learning to do quite honestly!

They think photos of themselves in kink hear makes them a higher class kinkster

No, it’s only welcoming to those who are part of the in crowd.

See this is the thing there’s literally people like you who literally cannot help being born intersex then the people born like they genuinely feel like they have been born in the wrong body so they do everything they can to have the surgeries and be who they genuinely feel they are supposed to be, then there are people who want to follow a trend like Sam Smith and Ezra Miller and then there are groomers becoming teaches in school giving hormone blockers to kids (these hormone blockers are what they give to paedophiles in prison to chemically castrate them) it’s making a mockery of the LGBT I actually refuse to but any other made up letters after that tbh I mean no offence by the way I think intersex comes under the trans umbrella but if I’m wrong I apologise I did consider myself as part of the LGBT before this whole circus mockery so did all of my friends but now with every conversation starting with pronouns and shit we are sick of it what about just being seen as human, iv taken non binary off my list of people to meet because I have had very bad experience with them tbh and in my opinion I think they just cause drama and bring trouble

This is literally anecdotal - “ I don’t feel this way so how can anyone else “ - with a sprinkle of “I’m the real deal , and therefore you all are fake : and if I can’t figure it out —NOBODY else can “

You reek of self righteousness and self destruction all at the same time .

I wish you luck in your lonely world .

😩 this green I’m

13 hours ago, Writer1963 said:

I don't agree with all the new gender stuff. You are either a man or a woman. Anything else is just attention seeking and an agenda. I have absolutely no problem with homosexuality. I have had many gay friends both male and female. I get the fact that all might sound a bit upside down and I have really tried to understand and see the opposite view. My brain just can't get there.

as a intersex person who feels I cant make any claim to either camp fully I dont think its that unreasonable a struggle. This is coming from the literally biologically non-binary person lol. From my perspective and lived experience I have concluded that separating sex from gender really is a impossible thing. 

I feel this article is coming from a Trans perspective more than a non-binary one too. Wanting sex to matter less in ones social reality (gender) is not a unrealistic desire or way out there goal. Why should this and so many other things define so much of me... its fair.

I'll catch hate for it, I respect trans people. But end of the day I dont get it either. Iv lived seen as a man, and I have to live seen as a woman, and know there are biological realities that temper my reality as well as social ones that define being female. 

I checked my bias, even hosted my local Trans nonbinary group at my local LGBT center. When it comes down to it the gender trans narrative denies sex based differences in favor of gender social construction. And the reality is my problems and trans-ness with my body and history has no place in that narrative and I have nothing in common.

I see trans people doing their best often to emulate their ideal of what they think the opposite sex is. When I deal with people who are busy trying to be this "real self" and for me I see these sex based differences and drives, like idk as a literal female sexed person blindly living as a man and not suffering dysphoria these differences are something I know are real. A trans woman or man can be a class or type of man or woman or whatever. But they will never claim full membership to it the same way I cant claim either the same way. And you know what that's okay we all deserve to be comfortable in our skin.

But that's what it is, the narrative demands we erase sex from the equation. Is it that unreasonable for example in the fet world where Feminization is a fetish that a transwoman would be mistaken for a sissy. Not really, given the context. Not assuming would be a kindness, anyones kinks or identities for that matter. But its a mortal sin to deny or misgender someone, and idk. It gets tedious and quickly starts to feel like its designed so you cant ever win, and the concept of "good faith" and people just being decent seems to go out the window in a lot of circles. Many are sick of things being too complicated and the fear. 

Just for saying this opens me up to hate as well. I mean, if MY friggin brain can't get there I dont know how anyone else is expected too, lol. One of the ugly truths is people like me are held up as a argument to validate this "gender stuff" with one hand, while my whole context is erased with the other. 

A lot of people have a lot of nerve speaking to a lot of stuff these days. I wonder if it will matter in another decade at this rate.

I gotta point out the irony with concluding all non binary people are attention seekers while at the same time going to the comments section of a space you clearly don’t understand to post a hot take.
Well you got my attention at least 😂
Other than that if you kept it to “I personally don’t understand it but whatever” I could simply respect that.
Also im genuinely curious how many NB people you know in real life and what they do to come off as attention seekers, (and if its none in real life please be aware online interaction is the worst possible sample set we all can form our opinions off for all of us).

I don't agree with all the new gender stuff. You are either a man or a woman. Anything else is just attention seeking and an agenda. I have absolutely no problem with homosexuality. I have had many gay friends both male and female. I get the fact that all might sound a bit upside down and I have really tried to understand and see the opposite view. My brain just can't get there.

I have had 2 experiences with non binary on this site the first time I was catfished he was pretending to be a woman didn’t even hint at the fact he was a man, can you imagine how dangerous that would be if he was to meet up with someone who hated gay people 🙄 second time I was robbed blind she made me fall in love with her and after she got what she wanted she ghosted me at a time when I needed her most, now I have distrust I have put on my profile I only want to date women I have taken non binary off completely, as far as I am concerned they are deceivers, and what it said on there about the BDSm world being accepting is BS I had to take my photos down because I was getting nasty messages for having a few piercings and tattoos, my experience on here hasn’t been good on here at all

Sorry, but no such thing

On 6/9/2021 at 6:50 PM, Alex10473 said:

Bdsm world is horrible. Barely 5% of people are nice. All inclusive? Don’t make me laugh. There are many more phobias at play in the bdsm world than homophobia. It’s a sad space for many.

Ok I won't say you're wrong, because that's your experience. Mine has been the polar opposite, both in the London scene and now getting to know my local scene around Surrey. It's been nothing but genuine, welcoming and enjoyable.

 

But it doesn't actually matter either way. Irrespective of whether it is majority good or majority bad, we can all agree what it OUGHT to be. Which IS to be open, inclusive and welcoming. And the more we can do to highlight and encourage ways to improve that the better for all.

To argue the other side for a moment - a lot of people also have really negative experiences with kink and on this site and others - we know this because of the regular posts in the forum. One really negative experience can colour your view. There are times when I've wanted to walk away. Messages I've received that made me 😡 or 😫. It's not perfect. Nothing is. I've met some wonderful people but I'd never claim it's all sunshine and roses.

I've found the bdsm Community very welcoming and made some really great friends here, they have help me grow and encouraged me, while I'm exploring my trans self. It may take a while for people to open up but I think that's totally understandable in this Community. I find it one of the most open and inclusive communities. 

BDSM world is horrible!!!??? I'm pan sexual and 100% of people I've met here either in message or in real life have been nothing but nice to me and don't care about my sexual orientation etc. Not sure what people you're speaking to to be honest!!! We've been fighting for gay rights for decades and we still having to fight even now!!!! And yeah the world is a sad space for many not just in the kink world.

Bdsm world is horrible. Barely 5% of people are nice. All inclusive? Don’t make me laugh. There are many more phobias at play in the bdsm world than homophobia. It’s a sad space for many.

No, that’s not right, by experience of mine and others, it’s far from right. There’s a distinct class system at play.

We need to be all inclusive no matter our skin colour, our kink preferences, our sexual orientation etc etc!!! That's ok if you have difference of opinion to someone else but if it's homophobic then I'm sorry take that somewhere else!!!! We don't want it here thank you very much!!!! 🏳️‍🌈

Nice

great article :)

👍👍

Loved this article!!!! 🏳️‍🌈

Really interesting read I really enjoy the articles on trans non binary subjects

Thanks for the info. Good read and informative