Is vulnerability sexy?

[Gr****]

Does disability matter?

As a man with a disability, I find dating very difficult. Meeting someone that is willing to fuck is even harder, every time I mention being disabled; conversation ends. With this comes an understanding that I can only hope for a kind hearted female (in my case) that can accept my condition. I find myself in a begging position, which is really strange to me. Does anyone have similar experience here how to deal with this? What is your opinion?

[Deleted Member]

I'm also disabled but am a Dom. I generally tell people that I am disabled but fully functional. Another option would be not to tell someone and wait until you meet in person so you can explain. You didn't say how you were disabled or just how limited you are. So there might be more of an issue for you. Then you might just want to hire an escort or hooked. They tend to not care as long as your *** is good.

[An****]

Hey Gregster, everyone has their own crosses to bare, so to speak. And looking can be difficult no matter the situation. It can be disheartening at times and their is no easy answer. I find it helps to try to find other things to preoccupy my time and keep my mind off of things. Just take heart in the fact that you are being up front about your issues, while others may not. There will be someone that understands and accepts you, and you are far more likely to meet them doing what you're doing and being honest. I've always been as upfront as possible, it's not always easy bringing it up. But it has led to positive friendships and more. I hope this helps.

[tu****]

Its hard to live this way answers would help

[Re****]

I have the same experience,I'm Deaf myself and damn proud of it. Every time someone contact me, they don't really read my bio and once I tell them I'm Deaf, I only communication through sign language, like you, they stop talking to me. But the hell with them, just have to be patient will find the partner you deserve

[ge****]

It's a difficult one and I can only say sorry that there are those who can't see past the disability if that's their reason for ending the conversation.
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One thing you should not feel you have to do though is beg, or expect a sympathy shag.
.
That said, you also have to understand that meeting people through sites like this is always going to be difficult regardless of any other factors and sometimes it's not about what you think it might be - though I can see why you may draw those conclusions
.
People will be attracted to a well written profile, good pics and the right approach and attitude on sites like this so think about how you can make those work for you better - rather than focusing on your disability perhaps?
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Not meaning to sound insensitive and if I do I apologise - just trying to think of things you can do beyond the disability that might help.

[wa****]

One will come f**k that find someone willing, I'm disabled butt you won't hear me asking them to deal with it, good yourself higher.

[Deleted Member]

I think owning vulnerability is incredibly powerful (I'm a fan of Brene Brown's work) and I don't care about disability but it creates limitations, and combined with my own limitations it creates a whole heap of barriers. I guess people who I can make it work with have to accept my limitations and be able to work with them. I found that near impossible in vanilla dating. But I do belive with patience and work (be that on ourselves or accepting others) it's out there.... I mean I think there is a global struggle on, every one has real world hardships in different ways. Those of us who started out with difficulties now have a whole ton more 😑

[Ar****]

I personally do find vulnerability not necessarily sexy, but extremely appealing. Not in the way a predatory mammal might hunt easy/*** prey for dinner, but in the way that I recognise the trust somebody is placing in me when they choose to be *** with me. That's a Big Thing, I respect it and find it very moving. That said, I opened up to somebody this week and let myself be extremely ***, and it got taken the wrong way and backfired 😆🤦‍♂️

I think as to whether disability matters, it depends on the disability. I'm disabled, but much of the time can "present" as a regular neurotypical fully-functioning physically well member of society. I'm sure that some people have been put right off by my conditions, but on the whole I don't think they've affected my dating dramatically. And I rather feel as though whatever my conditions might be, if somebody was going to dismiss me as a potential partner because of them, they wouldn't have been right for me in the first place. I may be operating from a place of privilege there though; if I'd had your experiences, had your disability, I may feel very differently.

[ja****]

It all depends on the disability I think

[Wi****]

As someone with disabilities myself, I find a lot of the more shallow women are turned off when I hobble into a first meeting with my cane.

It's the ones that aren't that are the keepers.

[Th****]

I am so glad this was posted. Dating while disabbled or chronically ill is one of the toughest things ever, and working kink into it can be even more challening. My own disability has changed not only how i date, but who I choose to even befriend. People can be really shitty. Fortunately, all hope is not lost and there are one, groups of disabled kinksters who network and keep each other up and informed and there are also people out there who aren't so terrible. But...and Im sure you know this, for people like us, its just not gonna be a simple thing. Its gonna be a huge *** in the ass, lol. *sigh*

[Greenman56]

Hardly what most would class as a disability but I have erection problems,  same thing, conversation just ends

[Deleted Member]

I feel for you my man I to have disabilities and find it difficult to find someone to accept me for me keep plucking away there out there !

[Deleted Member]

Practice has already taught you that it does matter. So my honest opinion, yes it does matter. Although there will be few who dare to admit that openly on this platform. It's a community filled with open minded and non-judgmental members remember.

[Th****]

Mind if I ask what the disability is? In some cases, I’d be the same way honestly. If a woman said she had diabetes, then sure, let’s keep talking. But if one told me she had a disability like Hanson from scary movie, then I might have to decline any interaction. Isn’t against them, I’m just not interested in it. I understand if that’s shallow, but everyone has a preference

[VikingSlug]

9/10 times when I match with someone on a dating app I get ghosted once they realise I'm an amputee. Is what it is. You can't *** someone to see past it. No different to someone not being into fat people or small tits or different race or ginger etc. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[cr****]

What’s your disability

[Deleted Member]

I think be upfront about it. More upfront. I just saw one female who is disabled and she shows a photo in the wheelchair. You may get a lot less conversations from women, but from those you do, at least you and her know,you are disabled.
That is my thought on it.

[ma****]

I have never thought of vulnerability being sexy necessarily, but I have always believed that vulnerability is an act of strenght. It takes so much courage to be ***.

When it comes to disability, I think that some people might not be okay with it due the *** of it causing issues. It is not something you have to take personally. It might just be the lack of compatibility. Also, if you date just to have sex with someone, then not many people might be interested... and, most of the time, based on someone's actions, people know what that someone's intentions are. Someone's actions speaks louder than their words. Be honest with what you want from the beginning; if people stop talking to you because of your disability, then they are not the right person for you.

[Bl****]

I have a few disabilities. I only disclose them when things get deep enough. If not, everyone runs away. They're afraid. If you ever just want to talk, message me.

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, VikingSlug said:

9/10 times when I match with someone on a dating app I get ghosted once they realise I'm an amputee.

Are you worried if you have a public profile with your disability, you will attract the amputee fetish crowd? I can see how that attention could come with the caveat may not get seen like a person and more of a vehicle to some.

[ey****]

Sad facts of life part 1

there are people who are turned off when they see/encounter a disability

for whatever reason; be it they think this is going to be too much work for them or outside their comfort zone or whatever

this is sometimes of course a reason why some people try to hide mental health problems, for ***s it will put people off them

this isn't about any sex or gender 

Sad facts of life part 2

there are people who fetishise or actually seek out people with forms of disability

and so people with disabilities become subject of people's fetishes, or their targets

(disabled women are twice as likely to suffer sexual *** than non disabled - whereas there are those who seek to exploit mental health to one degree or another)

But....

on the whole people are genuinely good

some people might not like someone who is disabled and that sucks, but someone else might not like someone who is blonde, or tall, or fat, or muscular, or religious, or listens to heavy metal, or is vanilla

but then there's someone else where you meet the prime conditions of what you each have in common.

[Gr****]

I got Friedreich Ataxia. A rare, neurodegenerative disease. Still pre-wheelchair phase. Thank you for asking cris5

[Th****]

I too am disabled and I get the same thing all the time. I refuse to beg anyone for their attention. They're either going to accept me as is, or not. And if not? Well then chances are they aren't part of my greater good, which means I don't have room for them in my life anyway. Sure rejection hurts, but a partner that doesn't accept or appreciate you exactly as you are hurts more. Best of luck to you!