New Doms....

[Deleted Member]

Dear vanilla alphas and newbie doms.

When you acknowledge the fact that you may be skirting the boundaries in the vanilla world, that doesn't automatically grant you "dom" status. It means you are vanilla with a kinky side. This is absolutely fine, and I doubt anyone in the LS would judge, or condescendingly look down on you. Once you decide that you want to move into the d/s side of life it's hard work, especially for a dom. In many cases you will be thinking for two, making decisions for two, putting a subs needs before your wants. There may be an expectation that you will be a subs emotional support. You will, in many cases, need to make the decision on the manner, pace and direction of the dynamic. If you have chosen an experienced sub, they will trust that your decisions are right. Even if they have doubts, they will turn to you for reassurance, expecting certainty in return. The burden of owning a sub is heavy, and not to be taken lightly. It is beyond sexual desire or need.

Before you decide to meddle in the lives of a submissive, experienced or not, be sure that you are willing to accept the gift of trust and the expectations that come with it.

If not, accept who you are, a dominant personality, with a kinky side, and leave the trust and loyalty of subs to those that know how to handle it.

Kind regards,
Submissive x

[Ma****]

You have described a toxic relationship not a D/s one

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, MasterGreed said:

You have described a toxic relationship not a D/s one

An interesting interpretation of my words...

[Go****]

Beautifully written x

[Deleted Member]

I agree with the sentiment. There is a vast difference between someone who is dominant in bed with a few kinks, and a Dom.

I don't agree that an experienced sub will trust even with doubts. I will look for the red flags and find it much easier to identify those who are playing at Domming and those who are Doms.

[Catsailor69]

Very good post. I see and hear of so many “Doms” who seem to not know these things as well as experiencing submissives who don’t either. I have always understood that as a Dom, I am the Dom because I enjoy the responsibility for what we do as well as the care and growth of my submissive. To have a lifestyle dynamic, to me, encompasses honor, trust, guidance and responsibility for our lives as well as our kinks. It’s a total package.

[so****]

Agree. Dominants MUST be the most empathetic people. They must know their submissive inside & out so thoroughly that they can accurately anticipate their wants & needs, potentially even the ones they didn't realize they had. It's utterly exhausting lol & most people don't realize how much goes into being a dominant. Thank you for bringing some of this to light ❣️

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I agree with the sentiment. There is a vast difference between someone who is dominant in bed with a few kinks, and a Dom.

I don't agree that an experienced sub will trust even with doubts. I will look for the red flags and find it much easier to identify those who are playing at Domming and those who are Doms.

My apologies, I did not mean that the sub trusts without regard to their own wellbeing, simply that even experienced subs may have doubts that may require nurture and reassurance. I am not, in any way, advocating following a dim blindly. Everything in a d/s dynamic is consent driven. I can't seem to edit the post to reflect my sentiments 😕

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, SubPetite said:

My apologies, I did not mean that the sub trusts without regard to their own wellbeing, simply that even experienced subs may have doubts that may require nurture and reassurance. I am not, in any way, advocating following a dim blindly. Everything in a d/s dynamic is consent driven. I can't seem to edit the post to reflect my sentiments 😕

Edit function would be super helpful!! #typos

[se****]

@Lady_Char is correct about being dominate and a Dom. Also, she mentioned in another forum about some people wanting to be Doms, because they can't control their own lives, and a red flag. I am aware of this, and worry for the other Subs... ***. Alot of people really do not do their homework, and mix up the two or decide to make their own definition. Making your own definition is not wrong, but another human being is involved... safety and well being. 

[Firefox_]

Completely agree. Nothing wrong with just being a bit dominant in the bedroom - a bit kinky etc. But to be a true dom, you have to understand the subs life is at your hands.

[jameswhat]

6 hours ago, MasterGreed said:

You have described a toxic relationship not a D/s one

I disagree. Just because you are a genuine Dominant doesn't automatically mean you are going to be intent on causing toxic damage to your Sub. It's possible of course, but this does not HAVE to be a toxic relationship.

[Da****]

I agree with you.. but I also believe that a Dom can't just be dominant in the bedroom with their sub. A Dom tends to be their sub's support system throughout the sub's life, both in and out of the bedroom.

[Ma****]

3 hours ago, jameswhat said:

I disagree. Just because you are a genuine Dominant doesn't automatically mean you are going to be intent on causing toxic damage to your Sub. It's possible of course, but this does not HAVE to be a toxic relationship.

Obviously not.  That is not what I am saying.  Being in a Dominant-submisive relationship is not toxic.  The definintion of the relationship by OP both from the assumption of total control by definition and the expectaions of the sub described are toxic, are not an accutate description of a usual D/s dynamic.  You can be in a D/s dynamic simmilar to what is described if both parties are into that and significant discssions regarding each others wellbeing and needs have taken place, but the vast majority are nothing like this.  The Idea that you should expect this or get out of the scene is, BS, gatekeepery and itself toxic.  Bottom line - don't let someone else define you as Dom or not Dom and don't let someone else tell you what your relationship dynamics should be - that is between you and your partner. 

Edited July 29, 2022 by MasterGreed

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MasterGreed said:

Obviously not.  That is not what I am saying.  Being in a Dominant-submisive relationship is not toxic.  The definintion of the relationship by OP both from the assumption of total control by definition and the expectaions of the sub described are toxic, are not an accutate description of a usual D/s dynamic.  You can be in a D/s dynamic simmilar to what is described if both parties are into that and significant discssions regarding each others wellbeing and needs have taken place, but the vast majority are nothing like this.  The Idea that you should expect this or get out of the scene is, BS, gatekeepery and itself toxic.  Bottom line - don't let someone else define you as Dom or not Dom and don't let someone else tell you what your relationship dynamics should be - that is between you and your partner. 

I feel you may have misunderstood my intent with the post, but like everyone, you are entitled to your opinion, and it will naturally be respected.