Popular Post Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Popular Post Posted January 7, 2023 We tend to see lots of writings on the various and many kinds of red flags to keep a look out for; fantastic, helpful, informative writings. Writings I believe should always be shared. But what I also think we need to see shared around, (well, some of us anyway) is the green flags we should also be on the look out for. I've listed a few below. Feel free to add your own in the comments ☺️ ✅️ Do they approach you politely and respectfully? Treat you like the...shock horror...human being that you are? ✅️ They demonstrate that your safety is important to them ✅️ Do they tell you that they're happy to answer whatever questions you might have, however many they might be? ✅️ Do they express, and more importantly, demonstrate that they wish to respect your boundaries? ✅️ Remains calm during conversation/doesn't raise their voice at you, regardless of the topic/circumstance ✅️ Accepts responsibility and apologises, in the event that you express something they've done or said has upset you ✅️ They value truth and honesty, and can communicate their own, effectively ✅️ You feel safe, comfortable and respected around them, particularly when expressing your feelings Obviously there are plenty more, but these are some things that I try to remember to routinely look for within any interaction, regardless of whether the person is friend, play partner or more. And not forgetting, we need to ensure we are accountable for ensuring and maintaining our own green flags, too.
Je**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 My favor green flag is what I like to call the “holy crap” moment. It’s when I meet someone and reveal what I am taking off the vanilla world mask and making myself *** to judgement by suggesting we enjoy each other in a certain way. And they respond with “that sounds fun but let’s also do this too” …. And I am totally pleasantly surprised!!!!!
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 They ask about my turn ons and will incorporate them day to day. Being sweet and loving, respect goes a very long way. Communication both good and bad, to help me learn them better. And the ability to take the lead without being told to.
Ar**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green. Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):- They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo. Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call. Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you. Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions.
saintsaltysynz Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 Take time to have time for me. Respect and affection appreciation for me. Conversation and let’s me be a brat
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 11 minutes ago, Aranhis said: Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green. Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):- They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo. Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call. Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you. Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions. “Offer support without conditions” : That is ripe for ***.
Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Author Posted January 7, 2023 43 minutes ago, CbusDomDaddy said: They ask about my turn ons and will incorporate them day to day. Being sweet and loving, respect goes a very long way. Communication both good and bad, to help me learn them better. And the ability to take the lead without being told to. Communication, whether good or bad, is essential, as is the way the other person responds to said communication.
Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Author Posted January 7, 2023 26 minutes ago, Aranhis said: Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green. Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):- They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo. Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call. Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you. Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions. You're in a rush?! Queue faux shocked face 😲 🤣 I can very easily turn everything into an innuendo, if in a silly mood, but there is a line, and those that can't see or keep to that are 🚩 Won't pressure you to respond...uhmm, yes. Yes I like this one 😳🙈 I will get there, really 🤣🤣
Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Author Posted January 7, 2023 34 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: ✅: sub has a minimal amount of ✅’s. Could you elaborate on this a little please?
Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Author Posted January 7, 2023 20 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: “Offer support without conditions” : That is ripe for ***. There is a difference between without conditions, and without boundaries. Without wanting to put words into @Aranhis mouth, I believe by "without conditions" he meant that the person offering the support does not do so with the expectation of receiving something in return. For example, I might offer someone support without conditions, such as chatting to them about their own difficulties without any judgement, but have a boundary that means I won't offer practical help where it would be too much for me to take on.
se**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 "Easily" willing/trying to do it your way, or make compromises.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc. You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you.
CopperKnob Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 Patience, not pushing to meet/swap numbers etc Presence, emotionally and physically An interest in me, as a whole person
CopperKnob Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 16 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc. You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you. My take on what Aranhis is saying re offering support without conditions is, One person saying, "I'll do this for you and I don't expect anything in exchange". Very basic example, I buy a friend lunch, I don't expect them to pay for lunch next time we go out
Go**** Posted January 7, 2023 Author Posted January 7, 2023 33 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you. I disagree. Me not over burdening myself by offering physical help, is not a condition of offering my support. I can still offer my support, without expecting something in return, even if I cannot help physically. Are you going to elaborate on your previous comment, as requested, that a green flag is a sub who has a minimal amount of ✅️'s?
Ar**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said: There is a difference between without conditions, and without boundaries. Without wanting to put words into @Aranhis mouth, I believe by "without conditions" he meant that the person offering the support does not do so with the expectation of receiving something in return. For example, I might offer someone support without conditions, such as chatting to them about their own difficulties without any judgement, but have a boundary that means I won't offer practical help where it would be too much for me to take on. Thank you, yes that's very well put. It's the same as what people mean when they talk about (for example) unconditional love. No expectations, no demands - offered without condition. 45 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc. You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you. We absolutely can split hairs and if so I'll agree and say that technically yes this is true, but in the spirit it is intended this isn't what these unconditional offers mean. And if you note, I didn't say what that expression of concern or level of support had to be. It can be as simple as sending a text message every few days - that's really difficult to take advantage of or ***. 1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said: You're in a rush?! Queue faux shocked face 😲 🤣 Heyyyyy!!!! I don't know WHAT you mean 🤣🤣🙈 Yes, I'm off for a family meal with my Aunt and Uncle over from America. Had to do the making myself pretty thing because I know darned well she'll have the camera out 😆🙄
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 1 hour ago, Aranhis said: Heyyyyy!!!! I don't know WHAT you mean 🤣🤣🙈 Yes, I'm off for a family meal with my Aunt and Uncle over from America. Had to do the making myself pretty thing because I know darned well she'll have the camera out 😆🙄 Yes, it’s splitting hairs; and yes you were vague; hence why I said it can lead to ***. We both generalized. People give examples as if it’s contractual, when often, one way or another, they’ll come collect what they believe is owed to them.
ge**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 In a bizarre way by looking for an absence of red flags you're actually looking for green ones - so having no red flags is a green one in itself 😉 . On a more serious note though, connection, mutual attraction and chemistry are massive green flags for me - if I have those with a person, the rest naturally falls into place for the most part
4R**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 Generally I look for the following: is friendly and approachable makes an effort is honest and upfront can communicate takes care of themself respects time educates themself is willing to grow knows their limits has realistic expectations shows loyalty shows restraint is in control of themself amongst other things
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 ✅ eye contact✅brutal honesty ✅approachable and kind ✅positive rein***ment ✅communicates likes, limits and possibilities✅ Dom is responsible for safety and checking-in with sub consistently when in scene. Sub is responsible for speaking up when things are not right. ✅Goes slow and builds trust through actions as partnership evolves
ro**** Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 Thanks OP for the post, it's a good one. I'm loving reading everyone's responses. I find the ones about respecting time and eye contact interesting, as they are pathological struggles for me, but it's good to know they are valued :) . . My green flags: . - Messaging to learn more about me and who I am rather than just kinky me - Asking about aftercare early on, and before very sexual conversations. - This one is hard to explain, but when they ask about your hard and soft limits not to see if you don't like their interests, but to make sure they are aware of your limits and can respect them. - When they enthusiastically, openly, and honestly discuss sexual health, sti screening, and contraception including - Offering to get an sti check - Discussing different contraceptive options. For me this includes being open to condom use and accepting one method of contraception may not be enough. Huge green flag, I really appreciate when they care about sti and pregnancy risk, and prioritise safety over pleasure. - Having a dom continue aftercare beyond what's obligatory and tailoring it to your specific likes - Checking in for drop for multiple days post scene - Taking an active interest in your interests, trying to learn about them and share them with you - Trying to remember the little details about your life - Sharing the travel burden if you live far apart - Feels weird to explain this one, but when they try to be considerate and not order certain foods, drinks, or use certain smells that you're really not keen on. A little niche, but it's always such a green flag for me when they don't order an alcoholic beverage on the first date or, upon realising I don't drink on first dates, altering their choice of drink. I'm huge on SSC and won't ever drink on first or second dates or before scenes. - Changing their bedsheets and cleaning their space before you come over - Bonus if they smell nice - Good dental health - probably my weirdest one but poor long term dental hygiene is my biggest ick These are just some, and some of the more niche ones. I also think it's really important to monitor the green flags in yourself, including maintaining an external outlook on life and good communication.
Deleted Member Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 Very thorough and exactly what should be done. Thank you!
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