Dom, sub question

[sl****]

So we’re a couple, that’s talking to a woman, she is ENM and in a partnership with another guy already. The other guy is Dom and almost double her age, we found out that he likes to partake in orgasm control on his partners. Where the problem comes in, is he has encountered this girl to seek out other partners but he want to have control of her orgasms. In other words she needs permission from him to have an orgasm with us. We’re not sure how we feel about this and I was hoping to get some other people’s perspective and opinions. We think we’re fairly open minded but something about another guy controlling what we do in our bedroom when he’s not present is a bit much.

[da****]

Doesn’t sound good you need someone who’s on the same page as u and your partner

[pr****]

Why can’t you take control of her

[Ch****]

Yep that's a messy situation, too many cooks in the kitchen as they say.
Her Dom just needs to grant her permission to cum before she meets anyone so she can go off any enjoy herself knowing she's not breaking any of her relationship rules, and that's where it ends. After that it's up to her and her potential partners what they get up to.
Of course if her Dom decided no orgasm then that's where the problem will start, that will interfere with what potential partners will want to do x x
Just my view x

[de****]

Tbh, although it doesn't fit you, I don't nfind it that disturbing. It could be totally fine.
Im missing an important detail.
What's her take on it? Does she accept it? Does she protest?
A Dom can have several subs. A sub can have more than one Dom. With each, some details in the dynamics can differ
So basically, it all depends on her contract and dynamics with him. If she's good with it, its her thing. If she's not good on it, she needs to discuss it with him.
You don't have to accept it at all if you don't like it. But if its their dynamics, you either have to accept or look for a different partner with less restrictions.
After all, you don't always know and understand all the sub's needs and how they are covered and treated by the Dom.

[pr****]

12 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Yep that's a messy situation, too many cooks in the kitchen as they say.
Her Dom just needs to grant her permission to cum before she meets anyone so she can go off any enjoy herself knowing she's not breaking any of her relationship rules, and that's where it ends. After that it's up to her and her potential partners what they get up to.
Of course if her Dom decided no orgasm then that's where the problem will start, that will interfere with what potential partners will want to do x x
Just my view x

Wouldn’t she just not have to cum when with him so there wouldn’t be any problem rught

[sl****]

5 minutes ago, deaddad said:

Tbh, although it doesn't fit you, I don't nfind it that disturbing. It could be totally fine.
Im missing an important detail.
What's her take on it? Does she accept it? Does she protest?
A Dom can have several subs. A sub can have more than one Dom. With each, some details in the dynamics can differ
So basically, it all depends on her contract and dynamics with him. If she's good with it, its her thing. If she's not good on it, she needs to discuss it with him.
You don't have to accept it at all if you don't like it. But if its their dynamics, you either have to accept or look for a different partner with less restrictions.
After all, you don't always know and understand all the sub's needs and how they are covered and treated by the Dom.

She only has one master quote unquote, that’s kind of where the issue came up, is it feels like I’m being pulled into there dynamic and that kinda what my issue is. I agree I don’t have all the details and that is something we are going to be finding out because we do already have a great connection with this girl and we both enjoy her company but we may vary well be keeping things just a friendship that’s undecided at this point.

[sl****]

2 minutes ago, priest_me said:

Wouldn’t she just not have to cum when with him so there wouldn’t be any problem rught

No she needs his permission to cum with other people not just him.

[pr****]

3 minutes ago, slammedcanyon said:

No she needs his permission to cum with other people not just him.

No I’m saying if she don’t cum then she’ll be in the clear

[sl****]

3 minutes ago, priest_me said:

No I’m saying if she don’t cum then she’ll be in the clear

There’s no point in doing anything with her if she can’t cum, like I’m not even interested at that point

[de****]

51 minutes ago, priest_me said:

Why can’t you take control of her

"take control"?... control is being granted by the sub to the Dom. You don't "take control".

[de****]

14 minutes ago, slammedcanyon said:

She only has one master quote unquote, that’s kind of where the issue came up, is it feels like I’m being pulled into there dynamic and that kinda what my issue is. I agree I don’t have all the details and that is something we are going to be finding out because we do already have a great connection with this girl and we both enjoy her company but we may vary well be keeping things just a friendship that’s undecided at this point.

Glad to hear u guys have a cool connection with her. Please DO talk about the issue with her asap. She either has to choose, or you have to choose, or just accept it as it is.

[sl****]

5 minutes ago, deaddad said:

Glad to hear u guys have a cool connection with her. Please DO talk about the issue with her asap. She either has to choose, or you have to choose, or just accept it as it is.

That’s where we’re at with it, I just wanted to hear some other people perspective and make sure we’re not being unreasonable about it. All 3 of us are relatively new to the lifestyle and her dom is 60 years old and been in it for over 30 years, i personally feel like he’s taking advantage of her inexperience honestly but really out of my control.

[de****]

11 minutes ago, slammedcanyon said:

That’s where we’re at with it, I just wanted to hear some other people perspective and make sure we’re not being unreasonable about it. All 3 of us are relatively new to the lifestyle and her dom is 60 years old and been in it for over 30 years, i personally feel like he’s taking advantage of her inexperience honestly but really out of my control.

Good to hear you're on it.
Just wanna emphasize that even though you don't like it, doesn't mean it is wrong, unless it is something that wasn't predecided between your unicorn and her Dom.
I understand what YOU feel about it clearly. But her contract with her Dom is her business and his. You can and should discuss it it with her and maybe something will change. But no matter what, if its part of the contract, any try to push her to cancel it, isnt right. Dont let your ego climb your ethics, there. After all, u can be at the Dom's shoes obe day and don't want some of her other partners talking her off ur contract, or worse. There are probably other fish in the sea, in most cases.

[TimtheMerciless]

Sounds like an innocent mistake from someone who hasn't thought it through. But if she's taking her dom dynamic seriously she's giving it passion she should do as she's told.

Personally I wouldn't encourage a sub to break the dynamic, because part of the pleasure and magicalness - feeling of all this is to make it as real as possible.



I'm ancient times in sure masters asked other masters off they could borrow slaves. Tell her to take him a letter (don't say what's in it) you don't need to be deferential - he's not your dom. But within the dynamic she does have an owner. The letter just has to be neighbourly and toned like it is to an equal. You don't have to refer to her by name ,

Here's not doming you - but you are respecting a niegbours stuff. That's pretty objectifying for her . Which to me makes the whole thing pretty hot .

It is a judgement call though.

[Mi****]

Your issue shouldn’t be with the Dom, he can make whatever demands on his sub that he wants to and she has the ability to accept or not. As the prior commenter said, he isn’t controlling you, he is controlling her. I’d say if you aren’t comfortable with the choices she has made, maybe you should find another unicorn.

[Ch****]

@priest_me not cumming/not allowed to cum takes away options for the other people, they might want her to cum. If she's granted yes before then they can do as they please, they can tease, they then have the option to make her cum or not.

[Wantsaprincess]

From what you have said, this appears to completely be the subs choice. Either they abide by the rule laid out by the Dom, or if she finds this too much, find a Dom with a differing mindset on play with others. Personally this isn’t a road I would continue to go down.

[ge****]

There are several separate but overlapping parts to this - some of which you can control OP, some of which you can't, but ultimately it comes down to the choice you have to either accept the situation or not proceed and keep things on a friends level as you suggest.
.
Anything mutually agreed between her and her primary dominant is beyond your control, and down to her to discuss with him if she wants to, in the same way as anything agreed between you and her is for you and her to discuss - the issue arises in the overlap and as the only one involved in both sides of it, it's down to her to either find a solution that works for all. If one can't be found then like I said, the choice is yours whether you accept things as they are.

[Je****]

For me, if he and I had a set of rules and I met another person or couple, those rules for me, do not apply. It is respectfully to have rules in your own dynamic, but in another one, where a partner isn't involved, they shouldn't be overlapping. My partner could be my own dominant, but they are not the new person/couples dominant. So for respect, decency and consent, I won't let one relationship dictate another.
Just my opinion.

In your situation, you need to explain to this girl that you are not involved with her dom, and anything that occurs between you both and her is seperate. If she has issue with this, she's not for you.
If he had issues with this, he's a problem imo.

[QXX666]

If she has a Ds relationship with that Dom- which btw you didn’t have to have a dig at his age 🚩- then I don’t see why it’s a problem. If you don’t like it find someone single

[TenderButterfly]

I personally think that specific dynamic guidelines that are decided upon, between the individuals involved, should stay in that dynamic. I also don’t like the idea of having a dom control me while connecting with others as it would be an entirely different dynamic outside of a D/s relationship… . However, if this is something that she wants, and she wants to obey these guidelines that have been created, this is her own choice. It could also be a misunderstanding within their guidelines?

I would also like to say that the age is irrelevant, what’s more relevant is how she is being treated, respected and cared for within that dynamic and not being negatively taken advantage of. . This is just my opinion, it’s not right or wrong, at the end of the day, everyone has their own autonomy, can make decisions for themselves, seek support and walk away if they need to.

[bu****]

If she and her Dom have this arrangement, then you don't get a say. You should respect their dynamic. If you don't want to partake in that, then find someone else. I think its fucking hot, good for her.

[Mi****]

10 hours ago, Wantsaprincess said:

From what you have said, this appears to completely be the subs choice. Either they abide by the rule laid out by the Dom, or if she finds this too much, find a Dom with a differing mindset on play with others. Personally this isn’t a road I would continue to go down.

This. The rules of their dynamic are up to them. If she isn’t willing or interested in renegotiating their rules, then you simply need to decide if you’re willing to work within those rules or not. It’s essentially a limit that she is naming for your encounters.

[Al****]

Hey guys (said rather as a reaction to some comments), - I conclude  that there is something that you consider to be a problem? Seriously - if you want to know what problems are, just take a trip to Ukraine or currently better to Nagorno-Karabakh Yet if I may advise slammedcanyon - in case there might be some sort of disharmony in the relationship just look for someone else as a the third partner.