Demisexual and Chastity

[Deleted Member]

Ah, the demisexual dilemma or as I like to call it semi-sexually-dead-inside. Lol. (partly kidding ). If you are Demi or grey sexual, then you may relate to the difficulty of feeling a connection or spark. Tons of attention, spanks, and likes but the complete and utter frustration of just "not feeling it". I've met so many wonderful potentials, who seem genuine and great; worth reciprocating ...yet I still can't feel anything for them.

When I do feel something unique and special, it's not always mutual. Grrrrr! So frustrating. For this demisexual, it's either feast or famine when it comes to connection (mostly famine, though).  When I feel that flame of chemistry and interest, I dive in head first. I know how rare and special it is...but...I've been told I'm "scary" and "intense". 

From my perspective, my behavior is completely logical but I realize not everyone has my perspective. The amount of discipline necessary to contain a flood of feelings I'm almost foreign to, it seems impossible to achieve. Doesn't being disciplined mean you have to practice conditioning your mind and body over and over? How can I discipline my feelings of connection when I rarely feel them in the first place?! Tis a struggle...even worse when relationships are ruined over it.

 

A friend suggested using chastity as a way to help discipline myself when vetting. I think he may be on to something. I can't control who I develop feelings for or when, but if it happens, I believe chastity will help me " slow my roll" and make better decisions. My goal is to build safety, trust and then intimacy with a potential partner. I'm curious to know your thoughts and experiences. 

[Ha****]

As someone who sits in the realm of ace/grey sexuality I can understand your head space but there’s some minor red flags in this post I think you’ve sort of caught yourself out on, the expression of not being able to control yourself is an indicator you should probably work on building personal boundaries within yourself as well as recognising the boundaries of others because crossing lines quickly can be taken as low level harassment and no one wants that.

I don’t think chastity is the key here honestly so much as doing some research and chatting with people within your local scene about how they formed boundaries and figure out how to approach them before you start branching out into others because in the same way you can be a bit much for others you also put yourself in a spot where people can easily take advantage of your nature and you may not be in a position to realise.

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, HailTheRatlord said:

Thanks for your feedback. I do think it's interesting how you mention red flags and self control yet...I do feel you jump in with some stigmas and assumptions without even knowing me. While you're opinions are in no way accurate about me, you are still entitled to them.

My hope would be that if someone genuinely wants to help me, it would be best to get to know me and my character before they offer criticism and labels. But it's a forum...so there you have it. 

 

[Deleted Member]

Please also understand I'm not asking for advice, that's  a different request. I wanted to know your own ideas and experiences

[st****]

Thanks for sharing the demisexual plight. It’s definitely frustrating. I see you, you’re not alone <3

[Co****]

I’m Double Demi and totally get this! Doesn’t help I have abandonment issues

I can kinda “turn off” my horny by just putting myself in art mode, but that only works 75% of the time.

[Deleted Member]

Oh, would you tell me more how art mode helps you? It sounds interesting

[Co****]

3 minutes ago, 165Sw33t said:

Oh, would you tell me more how art mode helps you? It sounds interesting

Well it’s honestly what comes with being autistic and having a special interest in porn as well as being an artist

I look at porn all the time for references so it seldom gets me going unless it’s a crit. Even then I just… analyze the piece or reference

But for attraction that feeds horny yeah, I’m at a loss just cause it’s so rare for me I just don’t have enough data.

[Co****]

I’m pretty sure that there’s something that works for everyone with “art brain” or a similar brain mode. It’s not exclusively an autistic trait I don’t think

[Deleted Member]

That totally makes sense. I like photography specifically black and white because it shows texture and contrast. It's more alluring to me than regular photography and I don't know why. But I'm saying this to relate to how porn art works for you.

[Co****]

25 minutes ago, 165Sw33t said:

That totally makes sense. I like photography specifically black and white because it shows texture and contrast. It's more alluring to me than regular photography and I don't know why. But I'm saying this to relate to how porn art works for you.

Yes exactly! My desire is more grounded in touch and kink instead of the fact that it’s porn. It makes it easy to separate and thus make it easier to keep myself in check. But of course it makes teasing me a huge blind spot.

[mysterymeatchine]

wtf is a grey sexual, didnt know greys anatomy was that popular

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, mysterymeatchine said:

wtf is a grey sexual, didnt know greys anatomy was that popular

Google and YouTube it

[Co****]

1 hour ago, mysterymeatchine said:

wtf is a grey sexual, didnt know greys anatomy was that popular

The disposition to sexual attraction is a spectrum. Greysexuals fit somewhere in between Ace and Allosexual, and what that may mean varies from person to person. For me, it means I have certain uncontrollable, often unknown stipulations for that coming into play. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuck, it means my reasons may be linked to something different than yours.