How to Explore Your Kinks at a Swinger Club

Swinger clubs are a great place to explore your sexuality with your partner(s), but are kinky swingers welcome? Here's a guide to getting your kink on at a swinger club – and what not to do. 
 

So you're into kink? Maybe you're in a D/s relationship, or you simply like to incorporate kink into your sex life, and now you want to explore swinging too. The obvious first port of call is finding your local swingers club and planning a night out with your partner. But are kinky swingers welcome?

Do your research before getting kinky at a swinger club

Swinger clubs vary greatly when it comes to size, location, accessibility and facilities. There are clubs with dedicated venues that have pools or hot tubs, often with a dungeon area too, and there are others that take place in private venues like a person's home. All swinger clubs live by different rules in terms of membership and themed nights. Many will host couples-only nights; others dedicated kink events. Make sure you spend some time doing your research first and choose the club that seems most suitable for your kinks.

Don’t impose your kink on other swingers

Unless you attend a dedicated kink night, assume that other folks at a swinger club are not very kink-aware. Attendees may not understand honorific titles that you use within your relationship, and you definitely shouldn’t expect them to call you by them. Just because you call your partner Sir or Miss doesn’t others should – or will. Likewise, don’t expect others you play with to get involved in your kinky relationship. You can absolutely make requests and negotiate with people, but assume nothing.

Kink play you shouldn’t do

Many kink events have rules about play you can’t engage in – usually for health and safety reasons – and some swinger clubs will do too, but many of them won’t cover specific kinks. It's best to assume that swinger clubs won’t have the facilities to cater for things like needle play, wax play and rope suspension. While some may have a St Andrew's Cross, it is unlikely that it is used for impact play, but more as a place to tie someone for group sex and play. Remember: just because a swinger club has a dungeon area, it's probably not used in the same way as at a fetish or kink club. 
 

Be prepared for questions

As a general rule, swingers tend to be a friendly and curious bunch, so expect folks to strike up a conversation about things they see and hear. If, for example, you like to lead your partner round on a collar and leash, some people might not ‘get it’. Unlike in the kink community where the saying goes ‘your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK,’ swingers may have lots of questions and comments about your lifestyle and dynamic. And that's OK. If you don't want to answer such questions, it might be best to keep your kinks low-key and out of sight. 

Expect there to be sex

Lots of kinks and fetish clubs actually have rules about sex and what sexual acts are allowed to take place. There are even clubs where kink play is allowed, but sex is mostly definitely not. Swinger clubs are not like that – people will be indulging in various sexual acts openly. No one will frown upon you giving your partner oral sex on the sofa, and likewise do not frown upon others for doing the same.

Talking during play

At fetish/kink clubs, strict rules about standing near people playing and talking or interrupting them are often enforced. This is not the case at swinger clubs. Not only does that rule not apply, but people asking to join in is fairly standard behavior. It is definitely etiquette to ask before joining in – make sure you get consent before jumping in and having some fun, kinky or not.

Can you be kinky swingers?

Yes you absolutely can, and you will definitely not be alone either. Make a profile on some swinger websites first where you can be clear about what you are looking for, also mentioning how it might fit in with your kink relationship and dynamic. That will help you find other people who are straddling both worlds of kink and swinging. Also, many swingers organize private play events at their homes or hotels – make some new friends, and you might well get invited to the fun! Alternatively, why not host your own play time and invite someone to join you and your partner for some sexy swinging magic?

Molly is a BDSM enthusiast and writer of 'Molly's BDSM tips' on Fetish.com. If you want Molly to help you out with a kink-related issue, contact her via her profile.  

Want to know more about what to expect at a swinger club? Read more in our BDSM forum.
 

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