Honestly, I feel that I agree with you (that you acted hastily). Certainly your actions re-in***d the trust of your primary sub, and that is a good thing. However, I think the appropriate move would have been to discuss the method of remediation with your primary. This is because from my point of Read more… view, any time a boundary is crossed or threatened, it needs to be discussed.

As a Dom, even though you were not the Dom of the sub who crossed the boundary, I believe it is proper to offer the opportunity for them to learn more about what they did, why it was wrong, and have an open dialogue regarding the action.

Everyone enters the scene with different levels of experience, especially when it comes to subs. It is possible that they lacked clarity on why a boundary like that might be a hard line not to cross. There are a number of possibilities as to why she took that action, some naive, some malicious, and its not possible to understand which it was without communication.

What is possible to understand is that she shared something intimate and private. In the case that it was a misunderstanding on her part, not only might she be left confused, but also hurt.

All that being said, the first step is to discuss these things with your primary and come to a decision how to handle it, because in the end it was a boundary shared by the both of you as a couple that was crossed, your primary's opinion and feelings at the very least deserve to be included in the decision you come to, not simply assumed.

Q1) all relationships evolve and grow, just as people do. That does not garuntee that such growth is immediately visible, however.
Q2) Illusory control is inherently more powerful because it depends on the mind and the imagination of the subject, and by and large, their imagination will outstrip Read more… reality every time. Technically, that depends on the person, but I've found it true for the majority.
Q3) You can understand a role academically and theoretically, which will get you pretty far, and increase the odds for accuracy, but I don't believe a certainty can be achieved, especially considering that roles change slightly based on the personalities involved.