What makes a good Female Dominant

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Absolute bollocks again, Severus. Genuine lifestyle Dommes are not financially driven. Stop confusing the scammers on the web with genuine lifestyle Dommes. There are many lifestyle Mistresses in monogamous relationships with their sub/life partner. 

You should educate yourself before making such sweeping generalizations. 

🤦‍♂️ Here we go again! What part of “most” your brain can’t read!

Listen just stop quoting me! If you have an issue with me start a new post titled have a go with Fabseverus and see what I could do for you...

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess, for example - are there any of my points above you think don't apply to male Dominants (or don't apply to Female or other Dominants?) 

I don’t contest your points as they are very valid as usual eyem, but the gender part is not entirely true or correct. 
Are you talking about actions or mind set? 

[Wo****]

10 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

🤦‍♂️ Here we go again! What part of “most” your brain can’t read!

Listen just stop quoting me! If you have an issue with me start a new post titled have a go with Fabseverus and see what I could do for you...

Sorry but "Have a go with FabSeverus" made me chuckle...

 

Seriously though guys...

C'min we're a community.

Sometimes things get misinterpreted or misconstrued with this format of communication.

Assumptions get made, things get passionate.

He said, she said (and i'm just as guilty of that) it's silly.

Isn't a discussion forum about discussing and debating ideas? We're all adults, can't we do this maturely? 

You can lock horns with someone without being rude.

[ey****]

52 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

I don’t contest your points as they are very valid as usual eyem, but the gender part is not entirely true or correct. 
Are you talking about actions or mind set? 

I think that while there are fundamental differences between Maledom and Femdom - the characteristics that make Dominants, in general, good isn't bound to gender.

There are stuff beyond that - but a lot of that steers into preference. 

[Ky****]

@LazyPiratesBounty  'We're all adults, can't we do this maturely?' even if we are Adult Babies or school girl fetishists?  lol

[Annalou]

Hello all, very interesting topic! Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I think gender is not tied to submission or dominance, and that we are all on a journey to discover how multi-faceted we are. Gender is fluid, and not fixed to our sexual anatomy.

I would like to encourage that the conversation remain respectful. Even if you have a difference in opinion, please do not shout over other members or resort to immature calling out. And listen to what someone else may believe in contradiction to your own views. 

Thanks and happy Friday!

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, Annalou said:

Hello all, very interesting topic! Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I think gender is not tied to submission or dominance, and that we are all on a journey to discover how multi-faceted we are. Gender is fluid, and not fixed to our sexual anatomy.

I would like to encourage that the conversation remain respectful. Even if you have a difference in opinion, please do not shout over other members or resort to immature calling out. And listen to what someone else may believe in contradiction to your own views. 

Thanks and happy Friday!

It’s ok Anna me and whiterose are always at each other throat 😂😂

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, FabSeverus said:

It’s ok Anna me and whiterose are always at each other throat 😂😂

Oh whoops, I quoted you again. 

I'm sooooo scared. 

[TemptressM]

I posted this to ask for peoples opinions on what it took to be a good Domme and whether they believed that as long as a female had interest in it,  was it something that she could strive too.  There are a lot of females just starting out in this but they have no idea on what the first step is as they have no one to help and guide them in the right direction. 

Female Dominants are a rare breed (Proper ones, not findom).  Why are they rare because they have no help,  they are not sure where to look and normally get shot down to start with.   A lot of females are told they are not good enough or should stay being submissive because thats the easier route.  I am not trying to be sexist in this but there is a lot more help for male Doms than females.  So I had hoped that maybe a female that was starting out might have come across this and thought Oh that sounds good or maybe would have reached out for help. 

 

And why do I know this,  I was shot down myself,  was told I would never make a good Dominant.  That I was too vanilla in my thinking (I was at the beginning) but I kept at it,  spoke to people and read up on as much as I could find.  Today I am a ***y good Dominant (not perfect, no one ever is) and had hoped to maybe help others.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, TemptressM said:

I posted this to ask for peoples opinions on what it took to be a good Domme and whether they believed that as long as a female had interest in it,  was it something that she could strive too.  There are a lot of females just starting out in this but they have no idea on what the first step is as they have no one to help and guide them in the right direction. 

I believe this. If a female has interest, she can strive to learn to be a good dominant. To be honest, before I began, I wasn't even sure I had enough interest to become a Domme but I was damn well sick of being treated poorly by so-called male dominants. I decided to take control and be the one who sets the expectations because I wanted to meet people with a higher level of integrity. And if they didn't have it, I would teach them to have it. 

I knew I enjoyed the company of submissive men, as friends, and wondered if I could take it further than that. As I learned more, I discovered that I could. 

Women can become good female dominants, but they need mentors. I admire your intentions in starting this thread, @TemptressM. I hope some fledgling Dommes will find some value in it. 

[TemptressM]

Thank you very much @MsWhiteRose

[Brittone2]

Hello Temptress is this your post..?

would you mind if I made a comment..?

[TemptressM]

22 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

Hello Temptress is this your post..?

would you mind if I made a comment..?

On you go anyone is free to

[Brittone2]

 

Heres a clear indication that you are a good Female Dominant the fact that you are both happy and look fwd to the next session..No bullshit it's as simple as that...

Thankyou Temptress..x

[Ky****]

@FabSeverus love the idea of a new thread titled 'have a go with FabSeverus' it could be linked to this one, 'what makes a good female dominant?' the ability to get FabSeverus submitting to her as a maid, lol- although I think that would be an unattainable level of perfection so maybe we should have grades based on how close a Mistress can get to this, lol.

returning to seriousness though this joke does lead on to one thing I haven't seen mentioned yet which  is the ability to bring out what is inside the sub, I would say that is the predominant, pun intended, skill that distinguishes a really good D from a run of the mill one, whether its recognising that a cd sub is really a sissy or a tgirl and bringing that out or recognising sexual needs or the need to progress to extra strokes or more severe implements.  This is a skill that can only come with time and experience, which is pretty much what is in the op

[Ky****]

@MsWhiteRose 'Women can become good female dominants, but they need mentors. I admire your intentions in starting this thread, @TemptressM. I hope some fledgling Dommes will find some value in it.'

yes definitely, the world definitely needs more good Lady Dominants, there is a definite imbalance with the number of subs, so all power to @TemptressM's elbow for starting this thread, and we all know what a stronger elbow for a D means

[ey****]

I think the imbalance is actually not as wide as expected.  I can tie a couple of points together here.

I know a lot of subs can feel a little daunted that it seems there's so many of them when there seems so few Mistresses - but - actually - without looking down their noses they can sharp see that many of the other subs actually, well, aren't.  They turn up on forums or online bored and horny with a fantasy in mind but they're not subs and nobody is ever going to take them on when their idea of submission is "I'm bored and horny, play with me" (same applies in vanilla settings)

So once you start to disregard all these folk the imbalance narrows.

I also feel there are a lot of wouldbe female Dominants who lack the support or encouragement.  

I think there's a few main routes that female Dominants come through.   One is that they're in a relationship with someone who brings it up with them and maybe they already had an interest buried in their mind to some degree or maybe they just really take the idea on.  So, that is someone who seemingly is vanilla needing encouragement from a partner.

Another is someone who maybe was interested in kink and started as a sub, maybe because they felt they had to or maybe because they later discovered they really enjoyed Dominating people (or it's what they really wanted to do but felt pushed to be a sub) --- mind, one thing to watch is I know a lot of sub ladies do get contacted by guys who want them to Dominate them and there's a lot wrong with this, that's another story -- but a problem they face is there's always some grumpy old man who will just tell people they're "a sub really"

And of course, those always interested in kink and always interested in being a Dominant - and, you know, I've seen ladies like this show up places and some get dismissed on their age, or accused of being (or being) overconfident and it feels if they don't turn up the finished product there's something 'fake' about them

and, as a side note

there's a lot of ladies who work Professionally who come from one of those routes, I somewhat think it's easier to get mentoring if you aspire to work Pro as you can work with other Pros. (Obviously anyone can do this, but I dunno - it probably feels easier) but also a lot who come via other elements of the adult industry - be it those who started as cam girls, escorts, online Findoms, porn stars glamour models, more.... who ended up with Domination suggestions or requests and finding they enjoyed it and moving towards that.   There are an awful lot of new/young Dominants who presently work online who spend more time being shunned than supported.  

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Kymi said:

@FabSeverus love the idea of a new thread titled 'have a go with FabSeverus' it could be linked to this one, 'what makes a good female dominant?' the ability to get FabSeverus submitting to her as a maid, lol- although I think that would be an unattainable level of perfection so maybe we should have grades based on how close a Mistress can get to this, lol.

I never contemplated being a sub ever! But it would have to be a great perfect Domme to make me think one or 2 seconds about it!

 

[Ky****]

@eyemblacksheep 'And of course, those always interested in kink and always interested in being a Dominant - and, you know, I've seen ladies like this show up places and some get dismissed on their age, or accused of being (or being) overconfident and it feels if they don't turn up the finished product there's something 'fake' about them' maybe there's a niche for a training academy of sorts after this is over to support those progressing to the finished product.  Wonder how many genuine volunteers to be a practice sub there would be, after all such Ladies would need someone to practice on and the established can hardly be expected to donate their cherished subs

[ey****]

4 minutes ago, Kymi said:

maybe there's a niche for a training academy of sorts after this is over to support those progressing to the finished product.

To a degree

There are those who host workshops and other opportunity to train - but - a point is this would never be expected of men.   I'm aware of women who decided to approach Pro-Dommes with a view of learning and then went on to become Pro-Dommes themselves.   Which on one hand is great; but for the whiny subs who are "why do all women want ***???!!!???" they become blissfully unaware of a structure that doesn't favour Dominant ladies.

9 minutes ago, Kymi said:

Wonder how many genuine volunteers to be a practice sub there would be

there'd be a lot who'd volunteer, for sure.  I mean, I've been to demos where I've seen guys pretty much clambering for the opportunity.

11 minutes ago, Kymi said:

the established can hardly be expected to donate their cherished subs

I'd argue the opposite to be true.  If someone is doing some form of training, mentoring or support for someone - then having their own sub as an example is ideal. 

Sub guys in general are reckless. I've seen them.  They'll walk into play in a club with someone they've never met who is half cut just so they get play.  Perhaps some of the risk is part of the turn on, but, in reality, it's irresponsible.  These are not good practice subs because they're unknown and potentially don't have the knowledge themselves on what is right and wrong.

But, you use someone you know is genuinely helpful and won't try to manipulate any situations and, boom.

Of course also; there is far more to kink and relationships than play.   Whilst it'd be irresponsible to let an untrained and unsupervised newbie with a bullwhip on you, it wouldn't be so irresponsible to learn from each other via conversation.  

[Brittone2]

I was  banned from commenting again..Where's kym 

some tag team partner you turned out to be ..😂

What makes me laugh is how every body carries on 

as if I'm the only one that's talking bollocks..I  know

ill see you all in 6 hours time..why don't you club together

and send me a pro domme 🤐

[Ky****]

@eyemblacksheep yes I see that, hadn't thought of some, but wrt the volunteers I was thinking of those prepared to commit to long term training as 'targets' for want of a better term and maybe earn a sub position 

[ey****]

32 minutes ago, Kymi said:

@eyemblacksheep yes I see that, hadn't thought of some, but wrt the volunteers I was thinking of those prepared to commit to long term training as 'targets' for want of a better term and maybe earn a sub position 

again - worst kinda example

because then an unattached sub being used as part of someone's training with a view of earning a position means they would be skewed towards manipulating the training to be taken on.  But, also this potential long-term reward undermines the task

A sub helping with someone's training should be doing so selflessly.

[Ky****]

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

again - worst kinda example

because then an unattached sub being used as part of someone's training with a view of earning a position means they would be skewed towards manipulating the training to be taken on.  But, also this potential long-term reward undermines the task

A sub helping with someone's training should be doing so selflessly.

oops, yes hadn't thought of that either, bad Kymi

[ey****]

I guess, also. It would be unfair on the sub to be helping towards someone training if there was something they wanted dangled as an incentive that then couldn't be provided.