Is this normal?!

[Artep]

I'm a submissive, have been for many years but now is the first time I'm acting on it! I recently met a master online . I insisted on meeting him face to face first but he said he was busy and after a couple of pictures he announced me as his slave! which is fine by me. He said since I'm so new to everything we should take things very slow and be just friends in between the scenes ( online scenes so far) and he hadn't said anything about meeting up. I was wondering if this is normal. Shouldn't he be more eager to get physical with me?!!

[Deleted Member]

If he was serious about being your dom then i would of thought he would want to get physical with you, this sends out alarm bells, maybe you shoukd talk to him as he may be married or living with another woman

[Wo****]

49 minutes ago, Artep said:

I'm a submissive, have been for many years but now is the first time I'm acting on it! I recently met a master online . I insisted on meeting him face to face first but he said he was busy and after a couple of pictures he announced me as his slave! which is fine by me. He said since I'm so new to everything we should take things very slow and be just friends in between the scenes ( online scenes so far) and he hadn't said anything about meeting up. I was wondering if this is normal. Shouldn't he be more eager to get physical with me?!!

Sounds like he's being sensible in not rushing things by getting to know you and cautious about meeting due to covid.

So, yes, I'd say this is normal.

Not everyone wants, or needs, to meet straight away.

Theres also the possibility that he wants it to remain online. Talk to him about it?

Edited May 30, 2021 by Bounty
Added to.

[qu****]

I'd be concerned if he wanted to meet immediately and demand you to obey, it's good he wants to get to know you, and only have limited play online

[Pl****]

What's normal, and why does it matter? Honeslty, not wanting to meet up right away is a lot more normal than announcing you as his slave without even meeting you. I think the only relevant thing here is whether you're okay with it.

There are plenty of reasons some random guy might have for not wanting to meet. Some people prefer online only. Some are cautious. Some like a slower pace. I was recently approached by a girl who wanted to meet up very quickly, and I initially agreed, but something felt off and I postponed, and she promptly started acting like some psycho stalker. 

But seriously, nothing about this strikes me as a red flag as much as someone who's trying to push you farther than you're comfortable going. This is almost the opposite of a red flag. 

[Deleted Member]

I'd be concerned about him announcing you as his slave so quickly. A good relationship takes time.

[Shenna]

Please be careful about sharing pictures and videos. Also I wouldn't accept that after a few pictures your classed as his slave.
Please be aware pictures can be sold on you don't really know who this person is. I would interview him and if you meet up make sure it's in a public place and make someone is aware where you are going and who you are meeting.
But he sounds like a major red flag to me.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Does he want real time playtime with you or just online playtime?

As and when you both do meet up, have a clothes on coffee date first and see how things go, get to know him as a person. Being online is one thing, but meeting someone in person for the first time will be totally different to words on a screen. Covid is still with us, do either of you have doubts about playtime with a new partner?

If this was me, I would want a clothes on coffee date meet within 2-3 months, to put a face to words and to see how compatible we both are we each other (that being said, this would been done pre-covid) But, everyone is different with regards to as and when they set a time/place for the first initial meet.

Edited May 30, 2021 by Nylon-Nellie
Grammer.

[ey****]

I'm deeply sceptical.

So.  If his reluctance to meet up face to face was due to covid, or wanting to get to know you more first I'd say, fair enough.

"I'm busy" is something I find questionable.  So, too busy to meet, but not busy enough for online play?

I suspect his "busy" is likely with a wife and kids - and that you are just an online plaything he can fap to.   Which you might be OK with, which is fair.

 

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, ChiefNexus said:

I'd be concerned about him announcing you as his slave so quickly. A good relationship takes time.

This with 🔔🔔🔔🔔on

[Deleted Member]

Doesn't sound too good to me.
Personally I hate anything online. It's ok to establish a connection but for me, it's normal to meet for a coffee soon after meeting online. It's they only way to make a proper connection.
Your gut feeling is waving red flags otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question.

[TheBookCollector]

This raises a few red flags, announcing you as his slave after exchanging a couple.of pictures. How long have you been chatting?

Do you chat frequently on the phone or is it all text/messaging?

The fact he claims to be too busy to meet is a concern as few people work 24/7, has he said why hes too busy?

We all have days off, weekends etc. Even with covid being a concern you can meet in a local park and social disance, initially

Is he only contactable during certain Times and doesnt take calls and doesnt take calls messages outside of those times?

Do the scenes take.place on specific days are they on /video or just text messages?

Google BDSM red flags while one or two items may not be a concern if there are more be wary.

[Deleted Member]

I will echo with others in here. Just forget about that guy. He’s not master and I won’t be rude and say what exactly he is....

[Deleted Member]

Make sure you are being extremely safe. The sad thing is people will lie to get what they want from you. Make him earn your Submissiveness. He doesn’t just to get to claim it. Be very safe with pics and videos as well because if you don’t know him well enough to trust him you may not know what he is doing with them. Be safe

[Artep]

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts on the subject , it was very helpful. 

Maybe I can clarify a few questions. 

first of all , all the pictures has been sent in a secret chat on so there's no chance of saving or copying anything and he told me to cut out my face. only my body was visible. 

I didn't like how fast he claimed me as a slave either but I cut him some slack because I think it's really hard to find a slave or master here in my country. you see, I live in Iran ( Iran was not in the options on this site, that's why it says America on my profile!) and there are no bdsm communities so it's very hard to find a match.

What felt odd to me was that we could meet for coffee or something, so that I could get a feel. I offered to go to him no matter how far. he is a PHD student and he also works . I don't know if those are good enough reasons. 

There's also something else on my mind that bothers me. he set some rules for future. he said when he comes over to my place he expects me cook for him. I'm actually not comfortable with that because I don't like cooking. I felt shy to tell him that. Is that a common request?

Edited May 30, 2021 by Artep

[Lo****]

There's no such thing as a secret chat. If you've sent them, they can be saved. If he's refusing to meet, he's lying about something. Probably. Who he is, heat he looks like, whether he has a family already, etc.

[Wo****]

25 minutes ago, Artep said:

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts on the subject , it was very helpful. 

Maybe I can clarify a few questions. 

first of all , all the pictures has been sent in a secret chat on so there's no chance of saving or copying anything and he told me to cut out my face. only my body was visible. 

I didn't like how fast he claimed me as a slave either but I cut him some slack because I think it's really hard to find a slave or master here in my country. you see, I live in Iran ( Iran was not in the options on this site, that's why it says America on my profile!) and there are no bdsm communities so it's very hard to find a match.

What felt odd to me was that we could meet for coffee or something, so that I could get a feel. I offered to go to him no matter how far. he is a PHD student and he also works . I don't know if those are good enough reasons. 

There's also something else on my mind that bothers me. he set some rules for future. he said when he comes over to my place he expects me cook for him. I'm actually not comfortable with that because I don't like cooking. I felt shy to tell him that. Is that a common request?

Listen to your instincts.....

Him being a PHD student with a job is irrelevant (if true)...

Cooking for your dom is quite common but if you're not happy with that, tell him.

 

 

Be careful with pictures, if they're in other people's hands you lose control. Pics can still be shared (there are simple ways that I won't post here)

 

How long have you been chatting? Have you talked on the phone? 

Chatted to anyone he knows?

 

You have doubts for a reason!

[Artep]

4 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Listen to your instincts.....

Him being a PHD student with a job is irrelevant (if true)...

Cooking for your dom is quite common but if you're not happy with that, tell him.

 

 

Be careful with pictures, if they're in other people's hands you lose control. Pics can still be shared (there are simple ways that I won't post here)

 

How long have you been chatting? Have you talked on the phone? 

Chatted to anyone he knows?

 

You have doubts for a reason!

It's only been a week!  and no I haven't talked to him on the phone. he had sent voice messages and asked me to do so as well. he wanted to hear my voice. 

he is a total stranger , I don't know anyone he knows.

how common is it to cook for a dom? would I be considered a brat if I refuse? This would stress me out greatly but I could manage it if I had to.

[Wo****]

Just now, Artep said:

It's only been a week!  and no I haven't talked to him on the phone. he had sent voice messages and asked me to do so as well. he wanted to hear my voice. 

he is a total stranger , I don't know anyone he knows.

how common is it to cook for a dom? would I be considered a brat if I refuse? This would stress me out greatly but I could manage it if I had to.

Slightly concerning that has claiming you as his slave so soon but could just be eagerness... just a thought but do you actually want to be his slave? Being a slave is different to being a submissive...

 

What do you (both) want out of a dynamic? 

If cooking will stress you out, what's your motivation to cook? 

D/s dynamics, especially M/s, require honesty, communication and trust. 

[Phoenyx]

There could be a lot of reasons for this.  Many are quite normal, while others could be red flags.  Having been the Dom in a similar circumstance, I have a couple questions.  Don't worry, I'm not pointing fingers.  I'm just trying to fill-in a few blanks, that might determine whether this is "normal" or a "red flag".

You mentioned that you sent pictures.  Did he request pics, or, did you volunteer them?  Were these pics "suggestive" in any way, and did he specifically request that?  Did you ask to be taken-on as a slave, either directly, or through your photos?  Or, did he jump to that conclusion, before you declared that it was what you wanted?

There are two possibilities here.  One is that you may have come across as being too eager.  If you sent pics without being asked, or metaphorically fell to your knees, begging to submit (again, before being asked), "too eager" may have been the impression that you gave.  Many Doms are scared-off by an unfocused bundle of energy.  He may be genuinely concerned for your physical and emotional welfare.  "Taking it slow" may be a way of getting you ready for what is ahead, and ensuring that it is what you really want.  Being "busy" could mean many things.  He could actually be a busy person.  Or, he could be needing time to decide if this is what he really wants.  He may even be having second thoughts.  Remember, an in-person meet is a commitment in itself---especially if any great distance is involved.

The other possibility is that he requested (or even demanded) suggestive pics and immediate submission.  If that is the case, then you may be dealing with a troll, or worse, a predator.  Such demands might indicate that he is taking advantage of your eagerness.  Proceed with caution, or bail altogether.

Was this someone that you met on this list?  I noticed in your profile, that you have yet to describe your interests.  Telling more about yourself would help in finding the Dom that you truly desire.  Are you interested in impact play, bondage, leather, a "Daddy", a master/servant relationship, etc?  Be specific, and never say "Anything goes!"  This would also help to screen-out the trolls---as they would be the ones who obviously did not read your profile.

As for a place to meet, you will want a neutral location.  You will want someplace public---preferably, a place familiar.  Is there a coffee house near you?  Avoid going to his area, if it is unfamiliar to you.  If he is a good Dom, he will understand your need to meet on your own territory.  But, be careful not to give out too much info on where you live.

I hope that this helps.  If you have questions that you would rather not make public, it is OK to message me.

[Phoenyx]

OK, in the time that it took to compose my message, my questions were answered.  Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with the culture of Iran.  From what little that I have heard, that sounds normal for the culture there.  But then, *** of women has also be called "normal" there.  I really am at a loss here.

As for cooking, you could always say that you don't know how to cook, or that your cooking isn't very good.  Again, I don't know what kind of reaction that this might draw.

[Hal727]

I am a sub, and really enjoy the role, however, I have zero interest in being anyone’s slave. I have made that loud and clear in my profile. Still, I am contacted by Doms/masters who immediately begin referring to me as “slave”. To me, that says either they have not read my profile, or they have such a strong Master/slave mindset, that they don’t understand the concept of just having a Dom/sub relationship. Either way is annoying. I totally understand your concern about this. There seem to be many more Masters on here, than just simple Doms. I hope you get it worked out.

[TheBookCollector]

6 minutes ago, Hal727 said:

I am a sub, and really enjoy the role, however, I have zero interest in being anyone’s slave. I have made that loud and clear in my profile. Still, I am contacted by Doms/masters who immediately begin referring to me as “slave”. To me, that says either they have not read my profile, or they have such a strong Master/slave mindset, that they don’t understand the concept of just having a Dom/sub relationship. Either way is annoying. I totally understand your concern about this. There seem to be many more Masters on here, than just simple Doms. I hope you get it worked out.

Or they dont have a clue and are just on an ego trip.

[Th****]

Okay bear with me here while I process my thoughts as I write..

So we have established the s***d of claiming was faster than we may expect as a community here, however I have heard people use the phrase sub and slave interchangeably even though they are totally different things.

Now I am slightly ignorant of gender norms within Iran in reality as we have everything filtered by the media. I may be led to believe though that it is, to put it diplomatically, more traditional. This may affect how one enacts a D/s dynamic.

Primarily, in D/s everything has to have your consent , you are not being a brat to want full and open negotiations. They should be about BOTH of your needs and wants, what you will and will not do in and out of role. (Cooking may be worth a mention. I am a great cook and my subs do not need to.)

The key to any successful dynamic is full, frank, honest, ongoing communication. If you cannot do that walk away now.

I am not to alarmed about the not planning to meet you, I was at the start of the article but as you said it has only been a week. Let us for a second think he may be a student and working, it may be a busy week or two. 

Then again everyone may me right, I can tell you I would never meet some one in a week, I would want to know the person underneath.

So, to conclude, it has not been long at all in perspective, it can take years to develop a relationship from Dom/sub to Master/ slave. It requires huge communication, knowing one another inside out and absolute trust in each other.

With the greatest respect, he may of claimed you but you do not seem to be his slave. That of course is only my perception. You know your mind far better than I.

My advice before you get to the face to face coffee part is to write out a list of your Needs, your Wants, also what your hard limits and soft limits.  Until these have been negotiated and agreed upon what you have this is not something that can work in reality.

I wish you every luck finding your lifestyle and I admire your bravery, stay safe.

 

[Pa****]

A Ds relationship should be as much about you as it is him. You should take time getting to know him.. ...in fact do what one lady is doing with me ... She is interviewing me for the role of her Dom . And I am quite happy about this, because we are seeing how we will fit together. Being submissive doesn't mean you are weak. Tread carefully.