What Not To Do When Speaking To ANYONE! SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING.

[Sir-Taz]

FFS jen I hope your ok this guy needs banning asap

[Je****]

11 minutes ago, MissTakenDeep said:

He’s too young to message me! My profile is new, thankfully I’m not, I’ve been on here before and keep my settings pretty tight. Still genuinely sorry you had to deal with this though and I’m thankful you shared it. While it doesn’t represent the majority on here, it is extremely off putting to most people and I’m glad you’ve spoken out!

He jussssssssst scaved through my settings. I have mine at 21-50 and men are only ticked as I wish to connect with crossdressers and femme men and not all are listed as NB or T. So by me keeping my options open this Cis guy has skimmed through just about. I may adjust my filters again should I ever encounter this from a young cis male again. But then that punishes the other decent ones, so you can see my predicament. 

[MissTakenDeep]

8 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

He jussssssssst scaved through my settings. I have mine at 21-50 and men are only ticked as I wish to connect with crossdressers and femme men and not all are listed as NB or T. So by me keeping my options open this Cis guy has skimmed through just about. I may adjust my filters again should I ever encounter this from a young cis male again. But then that punishes the other decent ones, so you can see my predicament. 

Yeah it’s not always a simple solution, was he verified with a picture? I try to make it as difficult as possible for anyone to ‘hide’ their identity but you still get the occasional idiot.

[7o****]

As a Dom I agree with @MissTakenDeep such communication is abusive 100% if unsolicited.
Might work if addressed to a degradee but it must be agreed in full by a negotiation happened beforehand, such negotiation happening with all parties addressed respectfully and negotiation consisting of specific subjects like for example ***, wounds *** anal and scat negotiated and agreed specifically.
If that was out of the blue this guy is dangerous for himself and for any other.

[7o****]

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you feeling better. Feel free to PM.
I recommend reporting the message and also getting back to admins for advice about message filters.

[ge****]

22 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

I don't think anyone on here would agree that this guy did a "good thing" to be honest. It is scary and let's people see what is thrown about willy-nilly in inboxes. It could be a copy and paste job, it could be personal, it could be completely random, it could be a mesh of what he's saying to others but tailoring it slightly... Who knows...

I would also say I am glad that no finger is being pointed at me although I am confused as to why you've mentioned this? But regardless... Read my profile. Tell me if anywhere I am "asking for this" content to be directed at me? If in anyway I may be giving off signals that may have "confused" this 'lad'. I think my profile is very direct to the point of what I do and don't like or want. 

That I am not single but in fact trying Poly, and that I mostly like femme men and some ladies etc... neither of which he was may I add... I had never seen or interacted with him before, and I would probably guess neither had Bath when he messaged her. So he's got some reason for this and if it is just to get a kick out of letting people read his "stories" or upsetting members, then this isn't the place for him. 

 

Now this site I have been on for 18 months. I love it here, I have found my people. I have found friends and I found a great partner early on. I have also had some successful dates in the time I have been on here even tho they didn't evolve. I love this site, it's forums and articles.. It has really helped me grow and learn, keep myself safe and practise kink safely as I go along. I have met some bad eggs, heck I am probably a bad egg myself depending on who you ask, after all we can't please everyone, but NO ONE ever should have recieved this. NO ONE ever should have sent this!

 

Now, all I could do was either: 

1. Respond and give him that reaction he probably hoped for. 

2. Ignored and said nothing, but that helps no one.

3. Reported and blocked (which I did) to protect myself from anything further and maybe give him a hint it's not ok.

4. Put a post up warning people but also educating people and making this publicly known so people can identify their own behaviour, or protect against this behaviour setting them off.

 

Now *I* know this is not any reflection of this site. Someone mentioned in a comment that if they recieved this they would be spooked and delete... And I don't blame them. 

Now 12 months ago had I recieved this I would have ran and probably took this really to heart and it would have affected me more than it has... But I have seen the goodness in this site and it's members and I will not have it tarnished due to one Idiot (which to be fair he is). I am saying no, fuck you, I won't leave and much like you're NOT doing, I'll stay and educate myself. 

 

Also I have reported to the mods and they took some form of action to maybe kick him into verification. His name was golden with a line through it.... But his name is now visible again and according to bath above, this guy can be viewed. So it seems he is still on here. I am hoping that modmins can see and read this post and seriously take action because let's face it, none of us will feel safe if he's on here. But while I don't want to piss of the site people's, I also do not want him to be loose to do this again. 

Mods to my knowledge, or admins whatever, can IP ban. Now I am not a techy person so I don't know if this can be got around but if someone is clever (which I'd not assume he was) they could get through this. Maybe if he was banned he would give up... and go elsewhere... but sadly he will probably do it elsewhere. Fantasy or reality I do not think this guy is safe. I think something needs done but it's probably a matter of "when he does something wrong" and not just "describing it" online. Which is also terrifying. 

 

I do not see myself as a victim of his. This makes me feel like he's taken something from me. Yes he triggered me due to the content... more the words "limp" and "drown" but I also know he cannot immediately hurt me. That I can post what he has done, with said warnings, and show people what has happened. To prevent this from happening or upsetting someone else in their inbox. IF someone else recieves soemthing like this, they can sort of think, Fuck that's the guy described in Jen's post and the name and age and sort of content is similar and they can report outright, and that's IF he remains on here.

Agree with every single damned word you've said and will say again you've done everything right and proper, and nothing wrong in my view.
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I added the preface and clarifications at the beginning as I thought what I went on to say *could* be construed as somehow trying to excuse this guy, because I was exploring some of the possible reasons as to why on earth he may have thought it acceptable (despite the fact it absolutely is not), and I wasn't about to excuse him in any way shape or form.
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Sadly though what I went on to say about there not being much that can be done beyond what you *have* done, and laudibly so, is true - IP bans for example used to be simple and quite common place because everyone had a fixed IP address - these days with VPNs, mobiles and all manner of other means of getting an IP it's almost impossible to ban on IP alone.
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The problem as I said is the wider societal one that there are people like this that think it's acceptable and as I mentioned the onus has almost shifted to the victim to protect themselves against it by using filters and reporting and blocking to do so - which in itself is wrong.
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Obviously in extreme cases the police etc can be got involved, but given how endemic this problem is, they don't have the time or the resources to act in every single case.
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So it comes back to what can be done beyond what you have done? Sadly though that doesn't fix the general problem - for every one you block, there'll be another waiting to take his place unfortunately.
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I totally agree too that this is a great community with some great people, and I too love that and I refuse to allow idiots like this detract from that but as I said the type of message you received is not uncommon across sites like this one, and that is something I find very sad indeed.

[Je****]

11 minutes ago, MissTakenDeep said:

Yeah it’s not always a simple solution, was he verified with a picture? I try to make it as difficult as possible for anyone to ‘hide’ their identity but you still get the occasional idiot.

Unsure on the verification but he did have a picture up. 

 

4 minutes ago, 7ohn_dom_and_sub said:

As a Dom I agree with @MissTakenDeep such communication is abusive 100% if unsolicited.
Might work if addressed to a degradee but it must be agreed in full by a negotiation happened beforehand, such negotiation happening with all parties addressed respectfully and negotiation consisting of specific subjects like for example ***, wounds *** anal and scat negotiated and agreed specifically.
If that was out of the blue this guy is dangerous for himself and for any other.

Yes even if a degradee, there is always mass amounts of communication and rules and boundaries agreed beforehand. And that was my issue. The graphic content. This is very sinister on many levels. I agree I feel he's dangerous.

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, 7ohn_dom_and_sub said:

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you feeling better. Feel free to PM.
I recommend reporting the message and also getting back to admins for advice about message filters.

It was already reported. The guy seemingly went into verification and yet seems to be active again, so he's verified and was allowed back?! If so, I am shocked and disgusted but I am hoping the more people who speak up against this behaviour the more something will be done to get rid of him, I submitted all the evidence to a mod, and I know they have mentioned it to be looked at. But they're also busy people so I haven't been hounding for a response. My filters are up but clearly not enough. 

[Bathblonde]

He has picture verification profile is still active he hasn’t logged on for 11 hrs tho you can appear offline so doesn’t say much. 

i was disgusted however not a victim I despise that word gives so much power to the perpetrator lol could just be me tho. 

Also will agree that he doesn’t give everyone else a bad name. He’s one person wouldn’t dream of tarring everyone with the same brush. 

 

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, Bathblonde said:

He has picture verification profile is still active he hasn’t logged on for 11 hrs tho you can appear offline so doesn’t say much. 

i was disgusted however not a victim I despise that word gives so much power to the perpetrator lol could just be me tho. 

Also will agree that he doesn’t give everyone else a bad name. He’s one person wouldn’t dream of tarring everyone with the same brush. 

 

I am the same on the V word. I will not allow him to take anything from me. Unfortunately for him I am someone who doesn't mind shaming him, even if he's not named if he sees this he'll see it and hopefully be embarrassed but due to the content in there anyway, he'll probably laugh it off. 

Regardless I am very unsettled he's not been removed, and in fact has been allowed to verify and remain. This site will not be safe with him on it. 

[CopperKnob]

24 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

It was already reported. The guy seemingly went into verification and yet seems to be active again, so he's verified and was allowed back?! If so, I am shocked and disgusted but I am hoping the more people who speak up against this behaviour the more something will be done to get rid of him, I submitted all the evidence to a mod, and I know they have mentioned it to be looked at. But they're also busy people so I haven't been hounding for a response. My filters are up but clearly not enough. 

Jen, when I reported someone, I think it took admin maybe 2 weeks to let me know that the profile was blocked from Fet. It seemed that they did actually look into the profile, any other reports and I think they can take a look at all messages they send/receive?

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Jen, when I reported someone, I think it took admin maybe 2 weeks to let me know that the profile was blocked from Fet. It seemed that they did actually look into the profile, any other reports and I think they can take a look at all messages they send/receive?

After i reported him the profile went into verification Copper. Then he came back...... And seems active. I am not unblocking him but maybe Bath can check if hes active via comments on his profile or message count or something? then she can maybe report? But thats not my choice to make, I did all i could by reporting the conversation and its content (even though only thing there was what he said to me) but if i find a way to report again and push for something to be done then il try

[Deleted Member]

What you both received was not from a man but from a seriously deluded boy..! But what do you de when it goes further then just receiving a vile message?? The problem with individuals on this site claiming to be something they are most definitely not…! I was in contact with someone who identified with the word‘Dominant’, now I was very new and green and was completely under his spell…we met and everything was going great until towards the end he got aggressive, he didn’t hurt me but it scared me. So I ended it when I got home…but unbeknown to me he had taken explicit photos of me when I was blindfolded. He sent them to me with the word KARMA along with all sorts of derogatory names. What did I do…freaked and removed my account. It’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable on this site again but I did come back. I’ve made some wonderful friends on here and I refuse to give them up because of HIM.

[CopperKnob]

34 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

After i reported him the profile went into verification Copper. Then he came back...... And seems active. I am not unblocking him but maybe Bath can check if hes active via comments on his profile or message count or something? then she can maybe report? But thats not my choice to make, I did all i could by reporting the conversation and its content (even though only thing there was what he said to me) but if i find a way to report again and push for something to be done then il try

You did Jen and then you warned us all for which we are all thankful. Thankfully he won't get through my message filters. Part of me thinks I'll change them so that I can also report. The more people that do the better. I very much doubt that you and Bath are the only people he's done this to and I hope that they've been able to react the same way as you have

[Leisa]

1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said:

After i reported him the profile went into verification Copper. Then he came back...... And seems active. I am not unblocking him but maybe Bath can check if hes active via comments on his profile or message count or something? then she can maybe report? But thats not my choice to make, I did all i could by reporting the conversation and its content (even though only thing there was what he said to me) but if i find a way to report again and push for something to be done then il try

I didn’t read all the comments but this is a lot for anyone to deal with. I’m so sorry you both had to deal with this monster. You know how to find me.

[Je****]

1 minute ago, Leisa said:

I didn’t read all the comments but this is a lot for anyone to deal with. I’m so sorry you both had to deal with this monster. You know how to find me.

Thanks leisa. We all have our moments but no one deserves  this in their inbox. 

At least speaking up about it bath was able to say yup this is me.. and was able to tell me the full name based off my loose description.  So definately same guy and maybe these two incidents (even though there shouldn't have even been one) can be enough to stop him x

[Leisa]

11 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

Thanks leisa. We all have our moments but no one deserves  this in their inbox. 

At least speaking up about it bath was able to say yup this is me.. and was able to tell me the full name based off my loose description.  So definately same guy and maybe these two incidents (even though there shouldn't have even been one) can be enough to stop him x

He cannot get through my filters but shoot me a name.

[Sir-Taz]

12 hours ago, Bathblonde said:

I'll tell you, It would start off with me Fucking you over and over Again until you pass out, then me to wank and cum over you. I'll write down names all over your body and then dunk water onto you so you'll wake up. 

From there I'll grab you by the head and drag you accross, get to a mirror and make you look at yourself and ask you what you are, I'll slap you before taking you from the back and start fucking you Infront of the mirror. I'll then get off and facefuck you till cum over and then slap you again. Then make you look at the mirror again and ask you what you are. Then rinse and repeat. 
 

i received this same person i believe 

Hope you too are OK this guy is just wrong . X

[FETMOD-MP]

Thank you everyone for your concerns, please be aware that we are looking into this kind of behavior all of the time and our FetMod team and Support staff are working tirelessly around the clock to ensure safety of all Kinksters.

Please remember to report anyone you suspect of being less than truthful or dangerous so our wonderful Support Team can look into any and all issues as this really helps to keep the Fet Universe a safer place.

I am sorry to say that i am now Locking this thread as i feel there isn't much more that can be added other than the best way of reporting this behavior, which is to report their conversations or their profiles, either via the conversation options or directly on their profile.

Keep it Kinky (and consensual)