What to do

[Gimpetta]

I always say the most important method of interpretation is see what and where someone choose to say and what they didn’t.

You choose to fixate in the sexual aspects of passion with nearly mention of the intimacy and passion beyond sex. You mention “she has a transgender domme”, which suggests your issue was that the domme was transgender by the fact you choose to include apparently superfluous information.

It seems all of the unnecessary details here seems to be vocalisations of other issues. You could summarised the apparent point with ‘I would want a monogamous closed partner.’ And instead of saying such your outwardly reject her and expected her to change her entire lifestyle. Instead you include countless superfluous details such as;
The Dom being transgender
The severity of the acts
Plans to engage in NCN (which isn’t *** btw.)

You’re expecting someone to conform themselves to your extremely specific interests and clearly judge her for engaging in a more intense bdsm, calling it her ‘lifestyle’, or being with someone who’s transgender (Seriously dude, why even mention that if it’s not part of the issue). Which is such a disgusting method of engagement considering you’re also kinky. And currently have a profile set to wanting casual flings.

You’ve clearly got to address your own judgemental attitude here. Someone being more kinky than you isn’t their fault but you clearly seem to take it as such by your own admission. If she doesn’t want to stop doing such ‘extreme’ kinks as roleplay, breath play, and impact play, nor traditional monogamous then she very much shouldn’t change herself to fit you. You could be accommodating and supportive of such needs or not. However your attitude towards such needs is clearly hostile and unless you’re willing to introspection on such then you’ll likely struggle to find anyone in the scene perfectly fit to your needs and not their own.

And that’s taking you on your work. and not considering that this might just be an attempt at;
- boasting about your apparent love skills
- testing to see if you can casually be passively judgmental towards roleplay, impact play, and breath play or being transgender

[Gimpetta]

2 minutes ago, Gimpetta said:

I always say the most important method of interpretation is see what and where someone choose to say and what they didn’t.

You choose to fixate in the sexual aspects of passion with nearly mention of the intimacy and passion beyond sex. You mention “she has a transgender domme”, which suggests your issue was that the domme was transgender by the fact you choose to include apparently superfluous information.

It seems all of the unnecessary details here seems to be vocalisations of other issues. You could summarised the apparent point with ‘I would want a monogamous closed partner.’ And instead of saying such your outwardly reject her and expected her to change her entire lifestyle. Instead you include countless superfluous details such as;
The Dom being transgender
The severity of the acts
Plans to engage in NCN (which isn’t *** btw.)

You’re expecting someone to conform themselves to your extremely specific interests and clearly judge her for engaging in a more intense bdsm, calling it her ‘lifestyle’, or being with someone who’s transgender (Seriously dude, why even mention that if it’s not part of the issue). Which is such a disgusting method of engagement considering you’re also kinky. And currently have a profile set to wanting casual flings.

You’ve clearly got to address your own judgemental attitude here. Someone being more kinky than you isn’t their fault but you clearly seem to take it as such by your own admission. If she doesn’t want to stop doing such ‘extreme’ kinks as roleplay, breath play, and impact play, nor traditional monogamous then she very much shouldn’t change herself to fit you. You could be accommodating and supportive of such needs or not. However your attitude towards such needs is clearly hostile and unless you’re willing to introspection on such then you’ll likely struggle to find anyone in the scene perfectly fit to your needs and not their own.

And that’s taking you on your work. and not considering that this might just be an attempt at;
- boasting about your apparent love skills
- testing to see if you can casually be passively judgmental towards roleplay, impact play, and breath play or being transgender

Not to mention your fixation on her accommodating you. She has to give up other partners, bdsm that you don’t feel comfortable with, and shooting porn? But you don’t even suggest you accommodated anything

[Ro****]

24 minutes ago, Gimpetta said:

I always say the most important method of interpretation is see what and where someone choose to say and what they didn’t.

You choose to fixate in the sexual aspects of passion with nearly mention of the intimacy and passion beyond sex. You mention “she has a transgender domme”, which suggests your issue was that the domme was transgender by the fact you choose to include apparently superfluous information.

It seems all of the unnecessary details here seems to be vocalisations of other issues. You could summarised the apparent point with ‘I would want a monogamous closed partner.’ And instead of saying such your outwardly reject her and expected her to change her entire lifestyle. Instead you include countless superfluous details such as;
The Dom being transgender
The severity of the acts
Plans to engage in NCN (which isn’t *** btw.)

You’re expecting someone to conform themselves to your extremely specific interests and clearly judge her for engaging in a more intense bdsm, calling it her ‘lifestyle’, or being with someone who’s transgender (Seriously dude, why even mention that if it’s not part of the issue). Which is such a disgusting method of engagement considering you’re also kinky. And currently have a profile set to wanting casual flings.

You’ve clearly got to address your own judgemental attitude here. Someone being more kinky than you isn’t their fault but you clearly seem to take it as such by your own admission. If she doesn’t want to stop doing such ‘extreme’ kinks as roleplay, breath play, and impact play, nor traditional monogamous then she very much shouldn’t change herself to fit you. You could be accommodating and supportive of such needs or not. However your attitude towards such needs is clearly hostile and unless you’re willing to introspection on such then you’ll likely struggle to find anyone in the scene perfectly fit to your needs and not their own.

And that’s taking you on your work. and not considering that this might just be an attempt at;
- boasting about your apparent love skills
- testing to see if you can casually be passively judgmental towards roleplay, impact play, and breath play or being transgender

So obviously you took everything I said and fit it into your box but ok. Some of the details I left out are ; Before we ever met in person we both agreed that neither of us were looking for a relationship. After the first night every was still normal and fine. Seemed like we were in the same page but when I went to meet her at her dorm room (before she came and stayed the weekend with me) for a quickie, she told me I had to be easy with her. When I asked what was going on she showed me that her ass was black and blue (which I had no problem with) because she isn’t my property, my girlfriend, or anything else that would cause me to get upset about that. I said “damn girl!!, what happened to you” she explained that the day before she had stopped by her Dommes house on her lunch break to get beat. I was like oh ok, I didn’t know you had a Dom but that’s cool. She then told me that her Domme was transgender. And that it actually worked out great for her because she had a dick but was also a beautiful female (the girl we’re talking about is bisexual). Keep in mind, none of this bothered me. It stayed to bother me after we had spent some time together the weekend that she came to stay with me. She was looking over my shoulder and made a comment about me checking Tinder. So in my mind I was thinking. So it’s ok for you to go get beat and fucked by a transgender guy but it’s a problem for me to open Timder when I get a msg notification. I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m acting superior or that I think I can do no wrong. Obviously, I don’t have all the answers or I wouldn’t be posting “what the fuck should I do” in a public forum. When I’m wrong I will admit it. I was asking for advice because I don’t know if I was in the wrong. And you can think non consistent isn’t *** all you want but go ahead and fuck someone that doesn’t give you their consent and see if you catch a *** charge 🤔. Lastly, once again you are completely wrong about me not being accommodating to her needs when the whole fucking reason I cut ties with her was because I put her needs and wants above my own. I knew she enjoyed that lifestyle and even though she voiced being willing to change that lifestyle for me, I couldn’t ask her to stop doing something that she enjoyed. I never planned on either one of use catching feelings for each other so as soon as I recognized that is what was happening I told her that she shouldn’t let herself feel anything for me. Next time you decide to decipher something like this and make all kinds of false accusations and assumptions, you might want to at least ask about the things you’re unsure about. Either way I appreciate your opinion rather i agree with you or your approach.

[Ro****]

You must have skipped the part where I broke things off with her. She doesn’t have to accommodate me or give up anything. I could never ask that if someone. I do know that I couldn’t be in a monogamous relationship with someone that was not in a monogamous relationship with me. Smh.. read everything before you talk out your neck or don’t read at all. (But don’t comment if you’re not going to read at all).

[Re****]

59 minutes ago, RomanKnox said:

So obviously you took everything I said and fit it into your box but ok. Some of the details I left out are ; Before we ever met in person we both agreed that neither of us were looking for a relationship. After the first night every was still normal and fine. Seemed like we were in the same page but when I went to meet her at her dorm room (before she came and stayed the weekend with me) for a quickie, she told me I had to be easy with her. When I asked what was going on she showed me that her ass was black and blue (which I had no problem with) because she isn’t my property, my girlfriend, or anything else that would cause me to get upset about that. I said “damn girl!!, what happened to you” she explained that the day before she had stopped by her Dommes house on her lunch break to get beat. I was like oh ok, I didn’t know you had a Dom but that’s cool. She then told me that her Domme was transgender. And that it actually worked out great for her because she had a dick but was also a beautiful female (the girl we’re talking about is bisexual). Keep in mind, none of this bothered me. It stayed to bother me after we had spent some time together the weekend that she came to stay with me. She was looking over my shoulder and made a comment about me checking Tinder. So in my mind I was thinking. So it’s ok for you to go get beat and fucked by a transgender guy but it’s a problem for me to open Timder when I get a msg notification. I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m acting superior or that I think I can do no wrong. Obviously, I don’t have all the answers or I wouldn’t be posting “what the fuck should I do” in a public forum. When I’m wrong I will admit it. I was asking for advice because I don’t know if I was in the wrong. And you can think non consistent isn’t *** all you want but go ahead and fuck someone that doesn’t give you their consent and see if you catch a *** charge 🤔. Lastly, once again you are completely wrong about me not being accommodating to her needs when the whole fucking reason I cut ties with her was because I put her needs and wants above my own. I knew she enjoyed that lifestyle and even though she voiced being willing to change that lifestyle for me, I couldn’t ask her to stop doing something that she enjoyed. I never planned on either one of use catching feelings for each other so as soon as I recognized that is what was happening I told her that she shouldn’t let herself feel anything for me. Next time you decide to decipher something like this and make all kinds of false accusations and assumptions, you might want to at least ask about the things you’re unsure about. Either way I appreciate your opinion rather i agree with you or your approach.

I gotta say that checking your tinder while she’s there is not the same as her interacting with someone else when you’re not. That sounds like a basic respect issue and I for one wouldn’t do that..
Also, please educate yourself on CNC, you’re using the wrong words for a start. It’s Consensual Non Consent: if a responsible Dom/me is doing this it is NOT ***; it is ***/seduction Role Play! (limits and safety should be at least loosely discussed in advanced and a good Dom will always have a safe word or signal in place for emergency).
Lastly, refer to my previous post about hierarchy of needs within Ds; you absolutely should put your subs needs first (but less so their wants). This is the nature of power exchange; you take on responsibility, you should be mature enough to handle that, if not you have some work to do on yourself (as we all do in some way!). Not condemning you for any of this, it’s a lot to consider.. I hope you find a way thru that is mutually agreeable for all involved!

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, RomanKnox said:

So obviously you took everything I said and fit it into your box but ok. Some of the details I left out are ; Before we ever met in person we both agreed that neither of us were looking for a relationship. After the first night every was still normal and fine. Seemed like we were in the same page but when I went to meet her at her dorm room (before she came and stayed the weekend with me) for a quickie, she told me I had to be easy with her. When I asked what was going on she showed me that her ass was black and blue (which I had no problem with) because she isn’t my property, my girlfriend, or anything else that would cause me to get upset about that. I said “damn girl!!, what happened to you” she explained that the day before she had stopped by her Dommes house on her lunch break to get beat. I was like oh ok, I didn’t know you had a Dom but that’s cool. She then told me that her Domme was transgender. And that it actually worked out great for her because she had a dick but was also a beautiful female (the girl we’re talking about is bisexual). Keep in mind, none of this bothered me. It stayed to bother me after we had spent some time together the weekend that she came to stay with me. She was looking over my shoulder and made a comment about me checking Tinder. So in my mind I was thinking. So it’s ok for you to go get beat and fucked by a transgender guy but it’s a problem for me to open Timder when I get a msg notification. I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m acting superior or that I think I can do no wrong. Obviously, I don’t have all the answers or I wouldn’t be posting “what the fuck should I do” in a public forum. When I’m wrong I will admit it. I was asking for advice because I don’t know if I was in the wrong. And you can think non consistent isn’t *** all you want but go ahead and fuck someone that doesn’t give you their consent and see if you catch a *** charge 🤔. Lastly, once again you are completely wrong about me not being accommodating to her needs when the whole fucking reason I cut ties with her was because I put her needs and wants above my own. I knew she enjoyed that lifestyle and even though she voiced being willing to change that lifestyle for me, I couldn’t ask her to stop doing something that she enjoyed. I never planned on either one of use catching feelings for each other so as soon as I recognized that is what was happening I told her that she shouldn’t let herself feel anything for me. Next time you decide to decipher something like this and make all kinds of false accusations and assumptions, you might want to at least ask about the things you’re unsure about. Either way I appreciate your opinion rather i agree with you or your approach.

Honestly, whether i was looking for a hook up or a relationship. If i was spending time with a guy in the way you've described and i noticed that they were looking at/responding to notifications on a dating/hook up site i'd see it as disrespectful. Even if it was a FWB, and I've been in the position previously, where I've said that I don't want to know about other girls etc.
Just my perspective and again, comes down to communicating needs/wants so that expectations are managed

[Ro****]

You know what…. You’re right. I’m wrong. It’s pretty easy to see what’s going on here so rather than go back and forth with you how bout we just leave it at you are right. Whatever you think I did wrong. I did. Whatever you think she didn’t do, you’re right about that too. Lmao, have a great day.

[Ro****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Honestly, whether i was looking for a hook up or a relationship. If i was spending time with a guy in the way you've described and i noticed that they were looking at/responding to notifications on a dating/hook up site i'd see it as disrespectful. Even if it was a FWB, and I've been in the position previously, where I've said that I don't want to know about other girls etc.
Just my perspective and again, comes down to communicating needs/wants so that expectations are managed

I’ve got to meet your dealer btw because whatever it is that you are smoking has got to be some of the best shit I’ve ever heard of.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, RomanKnox said:

I’ve got to meet your dealer btw because whatever it is that you are smoking has got to be some of the best shit I’ve ever heard of.

Incredibly rude

[Ae****]

6 hours ago, RomanKnox said:

You know what…. You’re right. I’m wrong. It’s pretty easy to see what’s going on here so rather than go back and forth with you how bout we just leave it at you are right. Whatever you think I did wrong. I did. Whatever you think she didn’t do, you’re right about that too. Lmao, have a great day.

Dunno how new your are here, but it's often not the best idea to ask for help /advice on these threads. Many cannot tactfully communicate their disagreement, differring views or their attempts at helpful advice - and it can quickly become a mob.
Take things said with a pinch of salt, dismiss the highly negative / unhelpful / rude comments, take what you can from the rest.
You did your best with the girl, you wanted to make it work, you couldn't, you're sad cuz she was great in many ways. You're totally fine on that account :)

[Ae****]

6 hours ago, RomanKnox said:

You know what…. You’re right. I’m wrong. It’s pretty easy to see what’s going on here so rather than go back and forth with you how bout we just leave it at you are right. Whatever you think I did wrong. I did. Whatever you think she didn’t do, you’re right about that too. Lmao, have a great day.

Just commented, it disappeared, it might appear again later 🤦

Not sure how new you are but - this often isn't a great place to ask for advice / help. Many here aren't great at tactfully communicating disagreement / differing views / their attempts at "helpful advice".
Take what you can from here, don't worry about the rest :)

[Deleted Member]

I'll comment from a subs pov.
You should speak to her. Openly and honestly. Find out what she wants and what her expectations are without voicing your own. Decide if you could live with her answers. Don't sacrifice what would make you happy just to get her back.
From the way you wrote about the event, she sounds like she felt rejected and hurt. Some subs find that impossible to overcome, no matter how much you reassure them. You may have to accept that.
It costs nothing to try though, and you could be happy with her, so talk to her x

[Ro****]

2 hours ago, SubPetite said:

I'll comment from a subs pov.
You should speak to her. Openly and honestly. Find out what she wants and what her expectations are without voicing your own. Decide if you could live with her answers. Don't sacrifice what would make you happy just to get her back.
From the way you wrote about the event, she sounds like she felt rejected and hurt. Some subs find that impossible to overcome, no matter how much you reassure them. You may have to accept that.
It costs nothing to try though, and you could be happy with her, so talk to her x

Thanks for your feedback from the other perspective. I did leave out a lot of details to keep from writing a whole ass book on here. So, I did ask her what she wanted and she said that she wanted me. She didn’t use the words relationship or commitment but she just said I want you. After a few hours went by she would randomly bring up other encounters with guys that she is currently sleeping with so I asked her if she would not talk about fucking other guys and that while she was with me that’s all that mattered. She agreed. After another while had passed is when she brought up the photo shoot that would involve her engaging in cnc with the photographer. That’s when I realized that she said she wanted me and I believe that she did but I also believe that she wanted to continue the lifestyle of being poly. I told her that i couldn’t ask her to change what she enjoys doing just to make me happy. She told me that she was willing to change because I was worth it but got pissed and said I basically made up her mind for her.

[Du****]

Sounds like she wants to have you for only herself while she enjoys another men...either get into the poly lifestyle with her or leave her as she is, you cant change someone who does not want to be changed.