Advice needed

[Loislane007]

“Being a sub is all about obedience ,unquestionable obedience” I didn’t agree and now I am deemed not to be submissive. I’m somewhat lost for words and hoping others may help with some advice for them not me. TIA

[Deleted Member]

It's not about unquestionable obedience that is just wrong. It is a mutual relationship. While the dom is in control the whole thing stops if the sub wants it to stop end of discussion. Consent is the corner stone of any dynamic. It maybe unquestionable obedience for some people but only if you have agreed to it.

[Ki****]

Being a sub simply means submitting to someone. While obedience can play a major part for some, for others the disobedience is half of the fun.
Ask any brat and they'll tell you the same. Of course, you're not required to be a brat to disobey, it's just an example.
Any dom that tells you that there is only one way to be a sub is flat put wrong and is likely trying to manipulate you into a walking, power hungry red flag.

[It****]

A true dom understand what special gift sub offer and accept boundaries. Consent and trust so important and demand of total obedience without consent destroy trust.  If dom worthy of you trust then maybe more boundary be explored with consent.

 

[Ch****]

Absolutely not true..
Question everything!
Sounds like someone read the book 'one true way' and didnt know its fiction!

[SnugglePhuck]

It's not about unquestionable  obedience,  you as the submissive are actually  the one with all the power.  You decided what is acceptable  and not with your consent and limits,  Any good Dom will respect those choices  and work with you to grow and explore what makes you feel comfortable. As a brat I purposely do things or say things that may get a rise out of my Dom but he knows my boundaries and respects those. 

[Winston60]

Don't worry about titles. You are who you are, and you are what you are. Your implication is that you are submissive, or a bottom, however you choose to describe it. What anyone else thinks is actually irrelevant. Be who you want to be, and find someone that appreciates you for who and what you are.

PS I would suggest that the person that told you that you weren't a sub probably felt threatened by you. They aren't worthy of you.

[Bblock383]

Ehh.. the obedience part comes from trust and a willingness to give herself over. The sub knowing she's in good hands and feels comfortable to let go is the Dom's job to show her she can. Too many "Dom's" think a sub is someone you can just take whether she likes it or not and that you are now free to *** her anyway you like. I've talked to too many girls on here who've been in past relationships with "Dom's" and it was nothing but brutal ***. Some of those girls were beaten and ***d but told this is how this dynamic works and these girls were shamed if they dare tell this "Dom" that it hurts and they don't like it. Loislane007 what this person said to you and how it's made you question yourself is exactly what these guys did to these girls. If anyone tells you things like that they aren't "Dom's" they're ***rs. I had a girl tell me her "Dom" told her that she had to earn safe words and only good girls got them and she wasn't a good girl so she couldn't have safe words. Your submission is YOUR CHOICE to give to someone you TRUST. Do NOT ever think that if you don't give it away to anyone that demands it that you are a terrible sub that is not true and don't let anyone shame you into doin anything you don't want to do.

[Ae****]

Advice for them is - read up about bdsm and the sub dom dynamic. Your views are extreme and quite hurtful.

[AKA_Copper]

Give them metaphors eg, if a D type tells me i should jump off a cliff 600ft into the ocean just because they say so, i shouldn't question their sanity... because im a sub?
D/s is no different from any other relationship, an equal partnership. Its just that for one person, with consistency, respect and trust (or whatever their needs are) they choose to submit in certain circumstances.

[Ni****]

It's a common response from a supposed Dom, who has been challenged by a submissive on his bullshit take on how a Ds relationship actually works.

[Matttster]

Just another reiteration so you are clear, whoever told you that is wrong. Complete obedience is called slavery (which was seldom complete obedience).

A Dominant/submissive or whatever you want to call the dynamic is a relationship between two (or more) people. No dynamic/relationship is the same. It is what is right for the people.

Whomever told you that will have a difficult time finding a partner that will comply with their description of a submissive. What he/she needs is a blow up doll. Not saying that there are relationships out there with “complete obedience”, but these relationships are established over time with lots of trust and respect (or in a short amount of time with a lot of ignorance (or stupidity).

As some have said, be you and find a partner that has similar interests and feelings about how a dynamic should be.

[Deleted Member]

Hmmmm, being a submissive is about consent, end of. It's about exchange, balance, and a healthy relationship where both parties work together to find the sweet spot that enriches both lives. It's about honesty, communication, and fun.........and only if agreed obedience.

 

Being a "Dominant" is about listening, thinking.......a duty of care, affection and a willingness to accept and nurture the needs of a chosen partner. Its NOT about self, onewaysim or the needs only of oneself.......that is ***, and most definitely not a healthy relationship.......or the way these things should be done.

[Carnelian2]

I used to agree with "the sub has the power" perspective but I have evolved. 

It comes down to the dynamic, e.g.; " power exchange" or "power transfer" both are based on consent and mutual agreement on the nature of the relationship, which is equally important for a one- off rope session or a long- term D/s relationship.

For someone to demand unquestionable loyalty either indicates low self worth and confidence or someone who is on a powertrip. The first hopefully is open to conversation, whilst the latter is a red flag

[Loislane007]

Thank you very much everyone it’s appreciated 

 

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Loislane007 said:

Thank you very much everyone it’s appreciated 

 

Hope everything goes well for you.

[MissTakenDeep]

Advise for them? Learn what a dominants role actually is before trying to find the right s type. It’s a Dom’s role to bring the best out in their sub, because the sub TRUSTS them to lead, NOT because s types are mindless sex dolls who will blindly follow anyone 🤚🏼😐🙄
As the saying goes, you can’t put flowers in an arsehole and call it a vase 🤷🏻‍♀️.

If I was you, I’d find myself a new D type that can respect you as a person while learning your kinks, not someone who just wants to tell you what to do and how to do it.

[Ch****]

Obedience within the limits which have been discussed and agreed in advance , with clearly articulated hard limits, safety words etc. It's a play game among equal individuals lol....