Dtypes, why don't you...

[Dy****]

5 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

When I see "Ask me" I always think this person couldn't be bothered to answer this to make things easier for me to see if we're compatible. And if they can't be bothered to do that, where else will I find them lacking in effort?

Is it in the bedroom? I feel like you were going for in the bedroom.

[Deleted Member]

Hmm, I don't think there's really much to say, the desire to control, violate and at the same time care for and love have always existed within me and in my case I want to do it all to the same woman(consensually). Some people interpret it as a manifestation of an internal hatred or complex developing out of some past experience but I'm not really sure, I think most of it is just genetic. I'm a bit of a ***d person in some ways I suppose, I ultimately express all of these feelings and impulses together. Ex, I could never just play "dom" with a random women who I don't love or who doesn't also love me. Conversely I also realize I could not love a woman didn't enjoy and want me to express my feelings towards her involving this, to some extent at least.

Edited June 19, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Blzbob_redux]

And it's not always a one answer fits all approach, what fires up one Dom will not even feature in the psyche of another. Yes there are common threads but much the same as the way we all need food to eat. There are many types of food and we all go for the ones we like and sometimes try new ones.

 

Personally speaking, which is about all I'm qualified to give my motivations are relatively basic, I enjoy it, the appeal of a power to.give someone what they want even if they weren't sure that's something they even liked can be intoxicating but must always be tempered with rationality. There are times my own lust monster gets going and I just want to play hard. Those are the times I shouldn't play at all, all passion and no wisdom make for a risky business. 

 

The erotica that we write and the thoughts we drop can often be breadcrumbs leading to the inner wants.  Again all depends on the person I tend to write from a very personal perspective and make it more of a prophecy than a fantasy. At the end of the day though we are all just people trying to be enigmas to those we interact with. None of my work colleagues or family and not really my friends have any idea what I'd like to be getting up to in my spare time but then this is a general group that would consider fluffy cuffs the height of bondage and far too risqué.

[Th****]

That is a brilliant question Copper!

Okay challenge accepted.

Within my dynamic I am told that on a day to day basis I am very dominant. I will be honest with you here, when I am with Sara on a normal day I am a big soppy ***ager.

Now out of the two of us I can make decisions and live with the consequences but any idiot can do that.

Frankly on a daily basis I am a fool in love like anyone else.

In Dom space my mind does the exact opposite thing with hyper focus than my sub does. For her it triggers a release into a place almost thought and time awareness free.

For me I become hyper aware, I subconsciously aware of timings, rythmns, of body language. Please do not get me wrong here it is not robotic just hard to make sound endearing.

Though while that side of me is cutting loose my everyday side of me, is in the back of my head watching on. That is so if I suddenly hit a trigger my Dom side can immediately go and the other side of me can come the fore.

Now the real question is which side is really me, and the answer is it is the side that corrupting, the side that finds endless amusement in showing someone all the different ways they can orgasm and who can enjoy playing with his partners body for hours.

However you really don't want that side of me to meet the in law's. He does not thrive in a modern office so I have a vanilla me for the want of a better phrase. One who is socially acceptable and will not engage work colleague's on the topic of orgasming on command.

If you really want a major secret from my dominant side then the hardest part for me as a Dominant is letting go control enough to actually cum. I tend to process it as "I could cum now"..... "but if I push down that urge I can play with her for a few more hours... Yeah much better idea,"

[CopperKnob]

8 hours ago, Thebian said:

That is a brilliant question Copper!

Okay challenge accepted.

Within my dynamic I am told that on a day to day basis I am very dominant. I will be honest with you here, when I am with Sara on a normal day I am a big soppy ***ager.

Now out of the two of us I can make decisions and live with the consequences but any idiot can do that.

Frankly on a daily basis I am a fool in love like anyone else.

In Dom space my mind does the exact opposite thing with hyper focus than my sub does. For her it triggers a release into a place almost thought and time awareness free.

For me I become hyper aware, I subconsciously aware of timings, rythmns, of body language. Please do not get me wrong here it is not robotic just hard to make sound endearing.

Though while that side of me is cutting loose my everyday side of me, is in the back of my head watching on. That is so if I suddenly hit a trigger my Dom side can immediately go and the other side of me can come the fore.

Now the real question is which side is really me, and the answer is it is the side that corrupting, the side that finds endless amusement in showing someone all the different ways they can orgasm and who can enjoy playing with his partners body for hours.

However you really don't want that side of me to meet the in law's. He does not thrive in a modern office so I have a vanilla me for the want of a better phrase. One who is socially acceptable and will not engage work colleague's on the topic of orgasming on command.

If you really want a major secret from my dominant side then the hardest part for me as a Dominant is letting go control enough to actually cum. I tend to process it as "I could cum now"..... "but if I push down that urge I can play with her for a few more hours... Yeah much better idea,"

Thanks for joining in and giving an insight into yourself.
I find it really interesting that both yourself and EDubbs shared similar accounts, that you have two sides, the Dominant and the everyday, public ahowing vanilla
I can definitely relate to that

[Deleted Member]

On 6/18/2022 at 7:11 PM, oldfellow said:

Well I just read through my profile and I can see what @CopperKnob is getting at. However I've concluded that my profile is spot on as it says "ask me" in response to some of the questions. So while I remain happy to answer questions I don't think I am just going to put it out there. Anyway I doubt that anybody would be interested. 

I feel the same, like you my profile is longer than average/most, but is restricted somewhat by the actual site profile format.

I've been toldon here I'm exactly what it says on the tin, I.e. my username says I'm a Shirt & Tie Boy (which I am). That's not a bad thing I guess.

Mu experienced of dating sites in general is long and detailed profiles are not read, or valued. I appreciate there are of course exceptions and some love an essay of a profile where some thought and effort has been applied.

I prefer an essay profile all day long. I'm more inclined to take notice to that.

[Phoenyx]

Truly, there is no single answer to this query---I can only speak for myself.  In my early years, I never thought of myself as "dominant".  It turned-out to be an inborn trait.  This personal trait caused a lot of conflicts with "vanilla society".  I have always been hyper-observant---seeing and reading people's innermost desires an motivations.  For years, I had no idea that was seeing more than I should.  My replies and reactions to such things caused nothing but trouble---things that I mistakenly thought were "obvious to everyone".  I was shunned and marginalized.  Even as a kid, I was expelled from three different schools.  And, later, "employment" proved constantly problematic.

As a result, in the 'vanilla" world, I tend to be a quiet loner.  I cannot live in a big city---where folks are forever categorized and prioritized.  City folks are constantly climbing over each other, to be the one on top.  Such places are toxic to me.  My mind gets overwhelmed with everyone's secrets, motivations, and ***s.  I see nothing but miserable souls in the urban vanilla world---where everyone is shoved into some tiny, conformity box, in which they don't really fit.  I have a spirit that must be forever free.

Still, no one can survive being truly alone.  So, I was faced with a paradox.  I tried joining various hobby clubs.  Yet, my mere presence would cause the hierarchy of such clubs to mysteriously disintegrate, for reasons that I could never understand.  I began to think that I would never have a place in human society.

It wasn't until I encountered the BDSM Scene, that I found any answers.  My taste for leather brought me in contact with "The Scene" in my mid-to-late 20's.  In the beginning, I assumed that I was a submissive.  Yet, in "play", I was always shoved into the dominant role.  This confused me, until I realized that was keeping the dominant ladies at arm's-length (so to speak).  It was as deep, instinctual reaction, like backing away from a hot flame, or the edge of a cliff.  Later, during professional training, I had to play the submissive, as part of that training.  This was to gain empathy and understanding.  It took a lot of deep meditation, to successfully complete this part of the training.  Still, I learned a lot, and I will forever appreciate this phase of my education.

As for expressing my own fantasies, there are varied reasons why that doesn't happen.  For one, as a "pro", I saw myself more in the role of a taxi driver.  The client would state her desired destination, and I was in charge of deciding how to get there.  My pleasure came from the energy that I received from fulfilling her secret fantasy.  For that moment, nothing existed outside of my sphere of influence.  It was just the two of us.  I felt everything that she felt.  We were of one mind, and my own desires were irrelevant.  I had never received such appreciation from the vanilla world.

As for why Doms don't write erotic fiction, that may be a question better asked of modern society.  In today's atmosphere, the tale of a man dominating a woman could be too easily branded as, "toxic masculinity".  It would leave one open to vitriolic attacks from the easily offended.  I have considered reversing the gender roles in such fiction.  However, that would raise its own set of problems---like giving the wrong public impression about one's self.  It is part of the trap of being a Dom---having to constantly maintain that public persona.

Yes, every Dom/me has a submissive side.  It's just that their own dominant nature keeps that side suppressed.  Many Dom/mes will simply deny that part of their nature.  Others though (whether consciously or ***ly) have learned to use it as a tool.  Fetish clothing is often a perfect example.  Many Doms (myself included) love the feeling of tight, restrictive leather or rubber, and/or extreme, punitive boots.  In my case, I feel that I am imprisoning and ***ing my submissive side.  Release cannot come until I have successfully completed the scene with my sub.  In many ways, this internal feeling is ***ly transmitted to my sub, enhancing the scene.  As I mentioned: "Of One Mind".

Anyway, I hope that this provides some insight.

[CopperKnob]

13 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

Truly, there is no single answer to this query---I can only speak for myself.  In my early years, I never thought of myself as "dominant".  It turned-out to be an inborn trait.  This personal trait caused a lot of conflicts with "vanilla society".  I have always been hyper-observant---seeing and reading people's innermost desires an motivations.  For years, I had no idea that was seeing more than I should.  My replies and reactions to such things caused nothing but trouble---things that I mistakenly thought were "obvious to everyone".  I was shunned and marginalized.  Even as a kid, I was expelled from three different schools.  And, later, "employment" proved constantly problematic.

As a result, in the 'vanilla" world, I tend to be a quiet loner.  I cannot live in a big city---where folks are forever categorized and prioritized.  City folks are constantly climbing over each other, to be the one on top.  Such places are toxic to me.  My mind gets overwhelmed with everyone's secrets, motivations, and ***s.  I see nothing but miserable souls in the urban vanilla world---where everyone is shoved into some tiny, conformity box, in which they don't really fit.  I have a spirit that must be forever free.

Still, no one can survive being truly alone.  So, I was faced with a paradox.  I tried joining various hobby clubs.  Yet, my mere presence would cause the hierarchy of such clubs to mysteriously disintegrate, for reasons that I could never understand.  I began to think that I would never have a place in human society.

It wasn't until I encountered the BDSM Scene, that I found any answers.  My taste for leather brought me in contact with "The Scene" in my mid-to-late 20's.  In the beginning, I assumed that I was a submissive.  Yet, in "play", I was always shoved into the dominant role.  This confused me, until I realized that was keeping the dominant ladies at arm's-length (so to speak).  It was as deep, instinctual reaction, like backing away from a hot flame, or the edge of a cliff.  Later, during professional training, I had to play the submissive, as part of that training.  This was to gain empathy and understanding.  It took a lot of deep meditation, to successfully complete this part of the training.  Still, I learned a lot, and I will forever appreciate this phase of my education.

As for expressing my own fantasies, there are varied reasons why that doesn't happen.  For one, as a "pro", I saw myself more in the role of a taxi driver.  The client would state her desired destination, and I was in charge of deciding how to get there.  My pleasure came from the energy that I received from fulfilling her secret fantasy.  For that moment, nothing existed outside of my sphere of influence.  It was just the two of us.  I felt everything that she felt.  We were of one mind, and my own desires were irrelevant.  I had never received such appreciation from the vanilla world.

As for why Doms don't write erotic fiction, that may be a question better asked of modern society.  In today's atmosphere, the tale of a man dominating a woman could be too easily branded as, "toxic masculinity".  It would leave one open to vitriolic attacks from the easily offended.  I have considered reversing the gender roles in such fiction.  However, that would raise its own set of problems---like giving the wrong public impression about one's self.  It is part of the trap of being a Dom---having to constantly maintain that public persona.

Yes, every Dom/me has a submissive side.  It's just that their own dominant nature keeps that side suppressed.  Many Dom/mes will simply deny that part of their nature.  Others though (whether consciously or ***ly) have learned to use it as a tool.  Fetish clothing is often a perfect example.  Many Doms (myself included) love the feeling of tight, restrictive leather or rubber, and/or extreme, punitive boots.  In my case, I feel that I am imprisoning and ***ing my submissive side.  Release cannot come until I have successfully completed the scene with my sub.  In many ways, this internal feeling is ***ly transmitted to my sub, enhancing the scene.  As I mentioned: "Of One Mind".

Anyway, I hope that this provides some insight.

It does, thank you for sharing. It's interesting how you view restrictive clothing as keeping your submissive side in check