Where do we go from here?

[RelucktantDom]

My fiance dropped some truth bombs on me about his kinks and fetishes and I cannot help but feel intimidated, confused, and like I do not belong in the relationship.

When we were seriously dating, he confessed to me that he liked the occasional pegging. I have never heard of this concept and it really concerned me, being old fashioned I just could not grasp the idea of role reversal and why a straight man would be interested in something like that. Wanting to support and understand him, I did some research and learning about female domination, I was able to understand why straight men could be into it and how pegging was an integral part in that. Here and there, once I worked up the courage, and the self esteem, I would "dominate" him with pegging, bondage, teasing, etc. Still, we both knew that this was something that would be occasional as it did not do as much for me.

Then it started getting out of hand when he would throw more things into my lap such as Chasity cages, and suggest I should "lock him up" for long periods of time, until his balls turned blue and he was begging to be released. I did not see the fun in this and it downright made me uncomfortable seeing his genitals swell from being all constrained. But of course, he had a rebuttable for every one of my objections. So, trying to remain supportive, I played along. 

Every month or so for about 2 years, I would muster up the strength, courage and self-esteem to be the dominating, tight leather wearing, pleasure-in-his-pain woman that he fantasized so much about.

However, about 2 days ago he dropped something on me that I am not sure how to manage.

I come home to find my fiance wearing the Chasity device, has painted his finger and toe nails bright green.  He shows me purchases he has made for himself that include high heeled shoes and women's panties. He tells me painting his nails and wearing women's clothes gives him an "exhilarating rush."  He tells me that he wants me to put make up on him, and dress him up in my clothes and he would like to have a three-some with a transgendered woman who still has a penis.

This has been a lot for me to process, and I finally had to tell him to slow down. I love him dearly but I just dont think I could handle seeing my partner dressing up as a woman. I am so tired of playing this game with him, and I just want to simply have intercourse with my partner. Why isnt it enough?

[Middy111]

He’s a lucky guy for you to already be doing things that you aren’t really comfortable with me myself I couldn’t think of anything worse the last bit sounds a little strange and alarm bells would be going off but I suppose you should question him about that but I’m always open for a chat if needed x

[Deleted Member]

As someone who crossdressers I would say he is definitely expecting too much from you and by hiding this fetish and revealing it the way he has it puts undue pressure on you (the fact you feel under pressure to do the ‘hell for leather’ look and chastity but did it anyway was a massive compromise to you). You need to sit down with him and have a proper conversation explaining how this makes you feel uncomfortable and you are not willing to go along with it, as you have made allowances for his fetishes but he has not respected your feelings. If you need to write the finer points down as emotions can get in the way of things and stick to the points raised.

[BigPolly]

Ok can I be blunt.....you are totally mismatched sexually. It isn’t about ‘being enough’ you both just simply like doing different things. You are doing things for him that you are not comfortable with because you love him but that is totally wrong & will make you unhappy & resentful in the long run. He has fetish’s that need to be fulfilled & you are not the person to do this but they won’t go away, now that he feels comfortable they will just become more apparent. You need to sit down & seriously talk about this with each other & tell him how it makes you feel. You can carry in living the way you do but you are never going to be happy & he will keep taking his kinks forward, you can go your separate ways or you can ask him to have a vanilla relationship with you & allow him to find someone else to deal with his kinks on the side or to go to fetish clubs etc Dont have a relationship where one of you is loosing out, either you on vanilla intercourse or him with his kinks as one of you will suffer. Whatever happens just be kind to yourself. You may love him but you’re just as important x

Edited November 28, 2018 by BigPolly

[TalenaCaro]

Firstly welldone you for going as far as you have with this knowing it’s not your taste, shows how much you love this man. But he needs to return the love. There are limits to things and he needs to understand that. To me he’s topping you from the bottom.. telling you what he wants and expecting it. If he truly wants you as a dominant the. He has to understand you are just that, and he must respect your limits! Stick to it Hun. If you want anyone to chat to I’m around love

[SissyAliceSlut]

I would say that you would have to stay in your comfort zone. What works for one couple doesn't always work for another. A big thumbs up for trying some of his fetishes. If he is a true sub you have to draw the line not him. Stay with it and lay down limits. My wife is my Dom and she sets the limits as to what we do. Fortunately our kinks are in sync with each other, but she respects my limits and I hers.

[ey****]

I feel there are challenges here you need to overcome - and the answer isn't to continue to go along with it.  D/s like any relationship needs to be two way enjoyable and it sounds like you've been giving him an inch and he's been taking a mile.

As a side note : for any guys who are thinking "I wish my partner would try" - stories like the above are a good reason why she might not want to "try" 

If you are doing activities for him that you are not enjoying then there has to be something in the relationship he should contribute to help show this is appreciated.

Now it seems he's slowly been taking things beyond your comfort zone and I think at this point you need to be extremely firm on where your boundaries are and that he must respect your consent and not cross them.   

He is not a sub, he's too selfish to be one.

There may be solutions you can come up with between you - whether this is a firm compromise or some form of alternative.  A thing to consider is for you to be his main/primary relationship but for him to consider another relationship, around your boundaries, where he can act out his fetishes and fantasies.   Of course - this may already be over your boundaries in which case, that's also fair.

As said above - it might be a sad case that, ultimately, the two of you are not compatible - if nothing else you seem to be making a lot of sacrifices for his fetishes and it's leaving you unhappy.