Doms - Question re open relationships

[Becjade]

To all the Doms. If you’re in a Dom/Sub relationship, are you happy to have an open relationship? Or is your Sub yours only? How about you, do you still wish to have multiple partners?

[Deleted Member]

I am firmly of the opinion that a Dom should only have one sub and a sub only one Dom. A sub belongs to their Dom, completely and unreservedly. I find that there has to be exclusivity in this kind of relationship to enable the level of trust and intimacy needed to entirely fulfil both sides. I think, for me at least, the power comes from knowing a sub is mine and, no mater who else desires my sub, it is forbidden fruit. Look, but don't touch... window shop but don't shoplift!!

[Lord_Talion]

My slave and I have an open relationship based on the generalization that neither may start an additional relationship without the other having such potential

[Si****]

To answer this I will need to explain my understanding of the roles. 

• A Dominant has control over their submissive(s) during everyday life and sets rules etc. 
• A Top has control only during play. 

Have you ever heard the expression "too many cooks spoil the broth"? Well this applies here. If a submissive has more than one Dominant then you need to ask yourself "who is really in control"? Unless the Dominants are working together and completely in sync with each other, then there will be occasions where conflicting instructions will be given to the submissive. When this happens who should the submissive obey? One/the other or nobody? Ultimately, a submissive belonging to more than one Dominant doesn't really work in general.

It's my belief, that whilst a Dominant can have more than one submissive because they are the one in control, a submissive can realistically only have one Dominant.

This doesn’t mean that the submissive can’t play with more than one person and those people may or may not be other Dominants. They can play with anyone they like, sexually, non-sexually (these would be their 'Play Partners', not their 'Dominants') and even be in poly relationships with multiple boyfriends - but they can only really 'BELONG' to ONE Dominant.

Edited December 8, 2022 by 4RCH

[White_knight]

I am married but my wife is not into the lifestyle but she understands that it is important to me therefore she allows me to have a relationship with a sub. So I have an open relationship as far as my marriage is concerned but I only have one sub and she only has one Dom

[ey****]

stuff like this will have a mixture of opinions based on what works for them

A lot also depends on how someone views their and others roles, which does often divide a lot of opinion (and often opens into "no true scotsman fallacy" i.e. a true Dominant/sub would/wouldn't...)  

but, a truth is a lot is complex.

In essence the majority of relationships are monogamous - but there are so many different variances, especially in the kink scenes.

The concept of even a casual play partner or one off play is still a form of open relationship.

But also, any form of open relationships, to any shade of poly, anyone involved has their own expectancies and rules.   And it's making sure that any additional relationships, through whatever nature, don't effectively go against existing relationships.

[MrJim]

I think the question is to open to answer properly. For example when I’m in a relationship I want it to be one on one no other partners for either of us. But that’s just me because I don’t like to share my sub with anyone. I’m hers and she’s mine.

[Deleted Member]

Open because I'm poly and I don't feel like it's right to limit your partners potential to finding someone to suit all of their needs. If they are fine with having just me it's cool but in my experience I need more than one partner.

[Deleted Member]

Interesting how people read this. A few have assumed that the person sill have more than one sub or Dom. But open relationship allows for different types of relationship. A vanilla nesting partner and a Ds partner, for example. So the

[Deleted Member]

Grrr app crashed. So the sub may have only one Dom, but have a family relationship that fills other needs.

[Erebus]

2 hours ago, 4RCH said:

To answer this I will need to explain my understanding of the roles. 

• A Dominant has control over their submissive(s) during everyday life and sets rules etc. 
• A Top has control only during play. 

Have you ever heard the expression "too many cooks spoil the broth"? Well this applies here. If a submissive has more than one Dominant then you need to ask yourself "who is really in control"? Unless the Dominants are working together and completely in sync with each other, then there will be occasions where conflicting instructions will be given to the submissive. When this happens who should the submissive obey? One/the other or nobody? Ultimately, a submissive belonging to more than one Dominant doesn't really work in general.

It's my belief, that whilst a Dominant can have more than one submissive because they are the one in control, a submissive can realistically only have one Dominant.

This doesn’t mean that the submissive can’t play with more than one person and those people may or may not be other Dominants. They can play with anyone they like, sexually, non-sexually (these would be their 'Play Partners', not their 'Dominants') and even be in poly relationships with multiple boyfriends - but they can only really 'BELONG' to ONE Dominant.

That was a great response well put and thought out, and to answer the question that wasn’t a bad one but worded differently could have been replied to I’m much the same way well done

[Erebus]

1 hour ago, Travtown_ said:

Open because I'm poly and I don't feel like it's right to limit your partners potential to finding someone to suit all of their needs. If they are fine with having just me it's cool but in my experience I need more than one partner.

You hit the nail on the head here if a person is satisfied with one partner great! But what if your sun isn’t satisfied in what you offer and her needs at not being met? I often explain it to people new to the scene as it being a two way street you both have to have your needs met for the dynamic to work! If it’s a one way street then it’s doomed to fail! So out this shoe on and see how it fits as a Dom you partner gives you everything you want and need but you are unable no matter how hard you try to meet her needs that doesn’t make you a failure because she is still with you, but here is the rub! Would you be willing to lose her altogether or allow her to have the open relationship she may need to for fill the parts of her life that you can not?

[Deleted Member]

Depends on the mood!

[Erebus]

27 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

Interesting how people read this. A few have assumed that the person sill have more than one sub or Dom. But open relationship allows for different types of relationship. A vanilla nesting partner and a Ds partner, for example. So the

Another great point which is why sometimes no matter how good what you have in a dynamic is sometimes there an aspect of a persons needs that you are unable to fore fill for that partner hence the need for an open relationship not meeting all of a persons needs doesn’t make anyone a failure it just means they have a wide and varied set of needs!

[Erebus]

I’d just like to say sorry I’m on my iPhone and it keeps changing words as I type and because I’m not able to scroll the page due to the failure of the app update I didn’t see them until I was able to reread them! And there is no edit function to correct them!

[Leisa]

I know that this is geared to illicit responses from other Doms but I’m going to give my perspective from this sub’s perspective. Personally, I feel that there can only be one person who I take direction from in a D/s dynamic. That being said, if my D is not giving me what I need to feel successful in the dynamic I will seek that fulfillment from another source but I would end that initial dynamic before taking any steps toward that end goal. While I’m mono I’ve come to realize that it’s extremely rare to find one person who can provide another everything they want but it is possible to give them what they need.

[ThumperG]

On 12/8/2022 at 3:48 AM, Becjade said:

To all the Doms. If you’re in a Dom/Sub relationship, are you happy to have an open relationship? Or is your Sub yours only? How about you, do you still wish to have multiple partners?

I have had several multiples at a time long ago and I've also had solitary subs along the way. Now I've decided that I will only have a solitary sub and that this will be an exclusive situation between us. I absolutely will not share my sub with anyone~EVER. 

[MrJim]

All my relationships are monogamous D/s relationships I don’t share my sub with anyone and I don’t have anyone other than her.

[Lo****]

The question of whether or not to consider open relationships would primarily depend on two things: 1. Whether the parties involved are polygamous by nature; and 2. Whether a single Dom or sub is actually giving their partner EVERYTHING they need.

Allowing your partner to participate in a relationship outside of your mutual one should only be examined if it's necessary for happiness or fulfillment. It's shouldn't necessarily be based on a fleeting mood or urge. Relationships can destroy people just as effectively as they can build them up.