Can a punishment be a reward? 24/7 confusion

[Kat779]

I think *** can perfectly be considered a reward in your case, since you say you find pleasure in it. With that in mind, I think it’s only natural that a dom would avoid using your form of pleasure, so as to create a different dynamic specially for you.
However, I do think that simply ghosting is highly inappropriate for whoever consideres themselves a serious dom. At the end, it is an agreement between everyone involved before anything else.
If anything, I would say, give something like that a chance if you wish. Sometimes the stress that comes with temptation and craving without being able to feel the pleasure can make it feel all the more intense and delicious when it finally comes.

[Gundu]

5 minutes ago, VoodooGirl said:

I understand what you’re saying but he was not suggesting I’d have to wait for it but that it would be completely withheld because I was enjoying it. All I tried to say was that in my case I need it to be at a level that i don’t enjoy. It just made me worry that I sound like a super extreme crazy person..

Hey, you enjoy what you do. Nothing crazy about that. Makes sense now.

[Sp****]

11 minutes ago, littlemiss37 said:

Vodoogirl u r within ur rights. That's funishment not punishment x

IMHO the term “funishment” should be stricken from the D/s dictionary. If it’s enjoyable, it’s NOT punishment. Just saying “play” should be sufficient. 😁

[Vo****]

16 minutes ago, HarshDictator said:

I assume for the sake of convenience that you are maso. It is generally known that masos enjoy/like ***. Knowing this, why would a Master punish a maso with *** when that is really rewarding inappropriate behavior.

No, *** is pretty much the only thing that turns me on. But i don’t enjoy it, it feels bad? Anything that feels good/enjoyable basically turns me off. I want *** in a cnc context. I don’t enjoy the ***, but I need it or I’ll go insane. Anyone who’d withhold it, knowing I’d go insane, isn’t the person for me.

[Vo****]

12 minutes ago, Kat779 said:

I think *** can perfectly be considered a reward in your case, since you say you find pleasure in it. With that in mind, I think it’s only natural that a dom would avoid using your form of pleasure, so as to create a different dynamic specially for you.
However, I do think that simply ghosting is highly inappropriate for whoever consideres themselves a serious dom. At the end, it is an agreement between everyone involved before anything else.
If anything, I would say, give something like that a chance if you wish. Sometimes the stress that comes with temptation and craving without being able to feel the pleasure can make it feel all the more intense and delicious when it finally comes.

I’m not sure where I’ve said I find pleasure in it? I need it to a level that I’m genuinely crying and begging, with no safe word. I appreciate it’s a bit confusing because people may conflate being turned on with enjoyment. But in my case I am turned on by *** I am genuinely not enjoying at the time.

[Vo****]

I think my main issue is that if it’s being framed as a reward on the grounds that I’m enjoying it (however you want to define that, for instance because it turns me on, it stops me going insane etc) then I would want it to ALWAYS be defined as a reward. I can’t deal with it being a very serious punishment one day and then taken away because it’s a reward the next day. I’m autistic. It’s either one thing or it’s the opposite thing. It is not simultaneously both, like Schrödinger’s Consequence. Nahhhhhh mate.

[Dy****]

1 hour ago, VoodooGirl said:

Not long at all, we’d only met once

Since that is the case, you rest assured that this person is communicating they are incapable of managing the needs you have communicated. It's likely they have a specific theory of how kink plays out, and it doesn't match what you're requesting.

This conversation was healthy for both of you in that it makes clear that you both are incompatible.

As far as why they ghosted.....my educated guess is they were intimidated by a request that fits well outside their realm of understanding, or they were annoyed by it.

I'd say this was a massive favor for you, to avoid someone who is this pinned into their own theory of BDSM they can't be bothered to understand a different desire than their own.

On a separate topic: I would wait before going head first into a 24/7 dynamic.

I think starting off with someone where it's a dynamic based on scheduled dates to start, and then ramping it up mutually, when both parties feel long term management of the dynamic is easier to achieve.

Cold starting at 24/7 can be an extra challenge for many.

[Ha****]

22 minutes ago, VoodooGirl said:

I think my main issue is that if it’s being framed as a reward on the grounds that I’m enjoying it (however you want to define that, for instance because it turns me on, it stops me going insane etc) then I would want it to ALWAYS be defined as a reward. I can’t deal with it being a very serious punishment one day and then taken away because it’s a reward the next day. I’m autistic. It’s either one thing or it’s the opposite thing. It is not simultaneously both, like Schrödinger’s Consequence. Nahhhhhh mate.

Good to have clarity. As you explain it now in this response, you must also explain it to your future partner, otherwise there will be great confusion because *** can serve as pleasure and punishment. Relevant in this matter is what it is for you, and that should understand your future partner well.

[Vo****]

12 minutes ago, DyingForLife said:

Since that is the case, you rest assured that this person is communicating they are incapable of managing the needs you have communicated. It's likely they have a specific theory of how kink plays out, and it doesn't match what you're requesting.

This conversation was healthy for both of you in that it makes clear that you both are incompatible.

As far as why they ghosted.....my educated guess is they were intimidated by a request that fits well outside their realm of understanding, or they were annoyed by it.

I'd say this was a massive favor for you, to avoid someone who is this pinned into their own theory of BDSM they can't be bothered to understand a different desire than their own.

On a separate topic: I would wait before going head first into a 24/7 dynamic.

I think starting off with someone where it's a dynamic based on scheduled dates to start, and then ramping it up mutually, when both parties feel long term management of the dynamic is easier to achieve.

Cold starting at 24/7 can be an extra challenge for many.

Absolutely, I agree with your take on what happened. I just had a nagging worry that I might’ve sounded like a crazy person who wanted some kind of mega extreme nightmare!
But yes it was just in the vetting/negotiating phase…. Once I realised I wanted 24/7 I started telling people that from the outset though, as i don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

[Vo****]

1 hour ago, Gundu said:

I see it in my scrolling wall.

I’m not sure where that is? Usually posts or comments are visible on my profile and this one isn’t..

[Gundu]

Ya, I don’t really know the app that much. Kinda new. But it’s essentially the first thing I see on the Home Screen.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, VoodooGirl said:

I’m not sure where that is? Usually posts or comments are visible on my profile and this one isn’t..

Go to forums and click in the BDSM forum then click on your title so that all comments show up. If you go in via notifications not all comments show in order

[Vo****]

19 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Go to forums and click in the BDSM forum then click on your title so that all comments show up. If you go in via notifications not all comments show in order

Thank you, the only forum that shows on my phone is called Kink Academy and my title isn’t in there, I just tried searching for it as well. I’ve posted & commented in kink academy before and those show up on my profile, but this post doesn’t? The only way I can find it at all is through notifications….

[Gundu]

7 minutes ago, VoodooGirl said:

Thank you, the only forum that shows on my phone is called Kink Academy and my title isn’t in there, I just tried searching for it as well. I’ve posted & commented in kink academy before and those show up on my profile, but this post doesn’t? The only way I can find it at all is through notifications….

Maybe try clicking on your profile? I published one kinky ad and I can see in my posts.

[Go****]

It's too bad your not closer to me. I'm a Sadist Dom, I live for these kind of dynamics. 😈

[Vo****]

1 hour ago, GoddessMadameLoki said:

It's too bad your not closer to me. I'm a Sadist Dom, I live for these kind of dynamics. 😈

*immediately moves to wherever you’re living because Yes Please :)

[Go****]

Not sure how all of you ate able to reply directly to s comment.

VoodooGirl, there is always vaca time and traveling... message me.

[Deleted Member]

I understand what he meant, but it sounds like you were clear on your expectations and he was stupid to ghost over this.

[Gundu]

56 minutes ago, GoddessMadameLoki said:

Not sure how all of you ate able to reply directly to s comment.

VoodooGirl, there is always vaca time and traveling... message me.

You click on quote. That’s how.

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, VoodooGirl said:

Thank you, the only forum that shows on my phone is called Kink Academy and my title isn’t in there, I just tried searching for it as well. I’ve posted & commented in kink academy before and those show up on my profile, but this post doesn’t? The only way I can find it at all is through notifications….

If on the app you may need to update it

[ki****]

You don't sound like a super extreme crazy person, but should factor in some people won't understand/will be intimidated, no matter how clearly you express yourself. If *** is a prerequisite for you, punishment/reward is irrelevant. Like others have said, be cautious about 24/7 for your sake. There are lots of other factors that must dovetail......

[Scottishdombull]

Punishments should be just that punishment for doing something wrong. However the punishment should not be something that you would enjoy. If you enjoy *** the anything *** inducing should be avoided. The words disappointed in a certain sentence could suffice

[Go****]

Gundu it just gives me options like this. Copy, report, cancel. 😪 maybe because I'm a FREE account. 🙄

[Sunny-1870]

Hi how are you 

[Gundu]

42 minutes ago, GoddessMadameLoki said:

Gundu it just gives me options like this. Copy, report, cancel. 😪 maybe because I'm a FREE account. 🙄

I’m on free too. Are you sure your clicking on the right thing??